Me, holding my daughter and my baby nieces. What messages are these girls growing up with?

Media is a diet, and these days, we consume a lot of media. Screen time, advertisements, print, billboards, products….it is everywhere. Media is a part of our children’s lives like no other generation before them. What is it telling them?

When I wrote these two questions on Facebook yesterday, I was just wasting time while my attention span was getting increasingly short as I finished up a chapter for my editor. I wasn’t expecting to turn either into a blog post, until I finished a 90 minute interview with a newspaper reporter. A lot of what I was telling her about gender stereotypes, sexualization, and girls in the media was new to her and I could tell that a couple of facts blew her mind. Later in the afternoon I came back to the page and the difference in answers to these two questions was staggering. It was the perfect side-by-side comparison to what I had just been speaking to the reporter about.

Question 1: “When I was eight years old, I wanted to be _____________________ when I grew up.”

The 179 answers given by our community were fun to read. It seems the general age range of people who answered was 18-55(ish).

Answers: Lots of teachers, nurses, veternarians, astronauts, marine biologists, performers (dance, stage, singing), forensic scientists, paleontologists, and archaeologists. Photographers, National Geographic explorers/writers, artists, lawyers, and doctors rounded out the top answers. “A mom” was another common answer.

There were a few fighter pilots, politicians, librarians, journalists, nuns, police officers, animal trainers, fashion designers, a judge and a computer programmer.

There were some original answers, like: “Once I gave up on becoming Chinese” and a pool digger. A James Bond villain and a mafia hit man.  Jedi, Indiana Jones, and Solid Gold dancer – holla to the 80′s kids!

Several of the women said they desperately wanted to be a boy. A couple of people wanted to morph into a dog, a tiger, a horse. I get that, as when I was eight years old I wanted to be a unicorn.

What I loved was the huge diversity in answers. Some people became their childhood dream, others found new dreams along the way. I wonder how different the answers would be if we polled a large group of 8 year olds today. Specifically, what answers would the girls give? What are girls encouraged to explore and become these days? 

Question 2: ”What the market bears is a litmus test of our society, and right now the message for girls is that _______________?” 

• “…being an airhead-concerned about weight, beauty, clothes, and themselves; is more important than enforcing they BE some one-scientist, Dr, RN, Firefighter, Manicurist, coach, whatever their little hearts desire!” –Alicia
• “…they can only aspire to look pretty and dress in sexualized clothing. That they aren’t capable of having careers that have anything to do with science or math and they should focus instead on sexy, frilly, pink things to make themselves look good for others (particularly boys/men).” –Sandy
• “being a girl is essentially different from just being a child; it is an ethereal thing which must be constantly sustained with copious amounts of pink and sparkles lest, like Tinker Bell, it perishes because we did not believe hard enough, and we become no longer a girl, but something lost and invisible.” –Kylie
• “…That style is more than substance. And that achieving that style is an endless, uphill battle that will never be won.” –Monica
• “…the shorter the skirt, the heavier the makeup, the more flagrant the flaunting of low self worth through various means, the more ‘normal’ you are.” –Susan
• “…girl power means you can do or be anything, as long as you do it society’s way.” –Alice
• “…be cute, be sexy, be pretty but don’t be yourself.” -Jennifer
• “…sex sells.” –Chris
• “…Outward appearance and their ability to flaunt it is what will get them ahead in life.” –Jodi
• “…your options are limited. your dreams are not your own.” – Jill
• “…Don’t expect to get ahead in life without being pretty, even if you are smart and talented.” –Megan
• “….you should be seen, but not heard.” – Jennifer
• “…Beauty is worth” – Alison
• “…there is some recognition that they can achieve much, but that it is farcical or a waste or contemptible if they don’t look cute doing it, or that they achieve only because they fail at being attractive.” –Tara
• “…pink glitter makes you a woman.” –Sarah
• “…They are objects.” –Jayne
• “…We have no worth outside of Hollywood’s version of beauty and nothing to contribute if we cannot measure up to the impossible standard.” –Cheri
• “…the only option is boy OR girl; they cannot simply be a child.” -Elizabeth

Doesn’t that just take your breath away?? What messages to girls from media are missing? What COULD media be telling our girls? That their dreams, ideas, talents, visions, goals, and voice are what make them such valuable members of our families and our society.

Read over the answers again. They are all the same. From Disney’s new Princess Sophia to Barbie to Monster High to reality tv and music videos watched by tweens and teens, or almost any other kind of children’s entertainment, the message to girls is their beauty is their worth, and if they don’t have a certain version of beauty, they have no worth.

Now go back up and read the answers to the first question again. Are girls today getting the message they can be all those things? Or are we doing an incredible job of selling short 50% of children?

Media is a powerful force that not even the best parenting can avoid. We can help deter it, but we sure have our work cut out for us. What kind of things are you doing in your home to give your girls more meaningful, healthy messages?

Newest Miss Representation Trailer (2011 Sundance Film Festival Official Selection) from Miss Representation on Vimeo.

Several people sent me this post over the weekend, and it has bugged me for days. The post talks about how this particular mother of a little girl is tired of feeling like she has to defend her daughter’s love of all things hyper-girly: pink, feathery, sparkly, princessy. I’m confused who she is forced to defend her child to, as most of our society right now seems to celebrate the uber-girly in girls with our Diva Shopaholic Princess Culture ruling girlhood. And womanhood, for that matter. More women can name the three Kardashian sisters before they can name three women in Congress. While at the Natural History Museum in DC this weekend, my daughter received dozens of compliments from strangers on her red sparkle shoes and zero compliments her awesome tee featuring seven different kinds of whales. Isn’t it ironic.

I can understand any parent who becomes irked when they feel their child’s interests are mocked or belittled. I can understand any parent becoming defensive of their child when that child’s personality is said to be undesirable. As parents, that is our job, to love our children well.

The thing is, no one is saying that being a girly-girl is undesirable, which is what that post alludes to. The mom who wrote it seems to misunderstand the “current conversation about girlhood” to be about the experts being anti-girly. We’re not. Almost all of the experts in the field are women, so we were at one time, girls. A great majority of us are raising our own little girls or have grown daughters, some with little girls of their own. We do this because we love girls and all things girlhood. Some of these little girls like princesses and pink and chess and Star Wars. Others like building and superheroes and guitars. Still more like science and sparkles and dolphins. And you know what? They are ALL girls. There isn’t any one way to be a girl.

It seems as if our girls today aren’t hyper-girly, they get labeled ‘tom-boy’. I take issue with that. It suggests to a girl that her interest in construction or Star Wars or sports or mud puddles or bugs or the ocean or chemistry or electric guitars is boyish, and she isn’t a “real girl”. How insulting is that? Why do the princess girls get to monopolize girlhood and define what it means? My daughter is no less a girl than yours, despite her complete lack of interest in princesses and tween pop-stars and kitten heels.

Why am I seeing so many posts lately from moms of the princess girls turning on moms of the ‘tom-boys’, and vice versa?  Sisterhood, Ladies. We need to stick together on this one, for our girls. Let’s not turn this into a continuation of the Mommy Wars. How about we not box each other in. How about we accept each other’s daughters as our own, and work together to give them the healthiest childhood we can.

What those of us who are working so hard to elevate this conversation of girlhood want is for two things to take place:
1) We widen our definition of “girly” so that it includes ALL types of girls, and not just the tiara, tutu wearing kind.
2) We give our girls more choices early into their childhood so that they can craft for themselves who they are and what they like.

(Psst – we want the same things for our sons, but today we’re talking about girls.)

I want more than the color pink to be an option when looking for products for my daughter. I’m fine if it is one option, but not the only option. My daughter loves blue. She is a girl.

I want character choices for girls to extend beyond princess or ballerina. Mix in a doctor, scientist, engineer, and a businesswoman.. My daughter wants to be an oceanographer. She is a girl. 

I want girls to be marketed more than cupcakes and kittens and butterflies. I like all three of those things. So does my daughter. We also like rocket ships and airplanes and trains and ships. We are girls.

I want a break from the fashion and looks-obsessed messages that saturate girlhood. I think we all could use a break from the too sexy, too soon marketing and products.

I am happy your daughter likes princesses. If you can say honestly that you’ve offered her an entire world of color and toys and from all of those choices, she chose princesses, pink, and sparkles…well then bless her little heart. We are seeing her true self shine through, and now it is the job of your family to offer her new experiences and stories and ideas inside of her self-appointed interests and likes.  If you allowed her to be doused and dripping with pink and nothing but pink from birth and have given her nothing but a diet of princesses and fashion dolls, I gotta be honest, that isn’t great.

Here’s the part where the not-greatness comes in: The current marketplace has a very narrow and limited definition of what it means to be female. This is true whether you are three or thirty three. Most of this is focused on beauty, vapidness, and obtaining things and men. Whether it is little plastic Disney Princess kitten heels, My Little Ponies with those “Come hither” twinkly eyes also found on Bratz and Moxie Girls, Barbies dressed is suggetive clothing, Disney Princesses with their spacey smiles and delicately poised hands, the sexist marketing of Lego Friends, or clothing and shoes that constrict play movement…..ALL of those products send girls one message: How you look is more important than who you are or what you do.

That message is a form of sexualization. The post I first mentioned mocks this point, but the dangers of early sexualization are real, they are serious, and it is something parents could definitely cry themselves to sleep over. Poor body image, disordered eating and Eating Disorders, early sexual experiences, low school performance, dropping of activities and sports in high school, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, interference with a healthy development of sexuality, self-objectification….need I go on? Those things are happening to our girls in staggering numbers, and I don’t think any of it is something to be flippant about. Your daughter has the right to adore princesses and feather boas and sparkly wands. The Princess Culture being marketed to girls ends abruptly somewhere in early elementary, and immediately graduates young girls into teenage-dom when they are not developmentally ready for it. The focus now shifts to being pretty and looking sexy. Not feeling sexy, just looking it. Big problems result.

Hopefully you’ve given your daughter a greater variety of compliments beyond what a pretty princess she is, and you’ve encouraged her to widen her princess role play to include a princess who is generous, smart, brave, and a good leader of her people.

The experts aren’t asking for girls to abandon all things princess, pink, and sparkly. This isn’t about gender neutrality or doing away with gender. It is about not having our children defined by their gender. 

We are asking parents to be prepared and to be creative. We are asking parents to offer a great range of toys and colors and themes for learning for their children. We are asking parents to think beyond the messages marketed, and give their children a well-rounded childhood. As parents, it is our job to offer the world to our children, teach them how to devour it with their curiosity, and then give them the space to digest in the form of play and make believe. There is no boy side or girl side to early childhood, there is just childhood, right down the middle.

So maybe my daughter is running outside with the boys in her mud-caked Hello Kitty rain boots and beloved T-Rex tank top playing ninjas or hunting frogs. I’m sure they’d love for your tulle-wearing, wand-carrying, tiara-crowned gal to join them, if nothing more than for the added noise and ability to put a spell on a frog should they ever catch one. Maybe your princess girl will get a little bit dirty. Maybe she’ll get filthy. Maybe she’ll show everyone up and be the best ninja frog catcher of the group. I’m hoping while the kids go crazy outside, the mothers are smiling at their joy, instead of judging themselves, each other, and each other’s children. I’m willing to bet the kids will have a marvelous time together. I’m sure we’re all hoping the rascals don’t track all of that mud into the house.

There is more than one way to be a girl. Let’s not fight over what “girly” means.

Let’s fight for our girls to make sure that definition includes the entire world for them, and then gently hold their hand as they make their way through it and define for themselves who they will be.

Amelia and I are in Washington DC for a Girls Weekend to visit museums, meet my new niece, and attend my best friend’s baby shower.We are having a grand time. Last night we were standing on the corner of 16th and Corcoran hugging my best friend and her mom and saying our goodbyes. We hailed a cab, and thought we were headed home.

“Falls Church, please. We’ll be paying by card,” I said as the cabbie began to pull away from the curb.

“Oh no, that is a bad problem. I cannot take cards,” the Cabbie said in a thick Western African accent.

“I know you don’t want to take a card, but I don’t have enough cash and I know you have to take my card.” Me

“It is impossible, the machine is not hooked up. But I will do you a favor. It is late and too cold for your little one to be walking. I will drive you a couple of blocks to M Street. It will be easier for you to find a cab there.” Cabbie

“What’s going on, Mama?” Amelia asks, a bit bummed her first cab ride isn’t going according to plan.

“Remember when Auntie Courtney said the cabs don’t like to take credit cards here? Well, we just need to find the right cab,” I say. Surely we’ll be able to find that one cab in all of Dupont Circle that will take my card.

I had forgotten that DC is one of the few cities where paying a cab by card is not easily done, and at 10pm I thought is was a bit late to be riding the Metro with six year old Amelia. On the way to M Street, the cabbie is listening to the radio and Newt Gingrich is speaking, fresh off the win in South Carolina. The cabbie is making hilarious comments to what he is hearing, and our failed cab ride was actually pretty enjoyable. We arrive at the busy corner of M Street and 18th.

“We are here. You look for Yellow Cab. They take credit cards. You will have no problems. Probably,” says the Cabbie.

I’m groaning inside my head, because I know there is no way Amelia and I are going to hail a cab that takes a card. I figure we can walk into one of the nearby hotels, explain our situation, and have the concierge call the right cab for us.

“Okay. Thank you. I really appreciate you taking the time to do this so my daughter could warm up. You didn’t turn your meter on, but please take this. For your time and your kindness,” I say as I hold out a few small bills.

“No Ma’am. It is no problem. No need to pay,” the cabbie waves off my money.

“Please, I insist. You never turned your meter on. For your time, at the very least,” I say, moving my hand closer to him. I feel badly he just drove us eight blocks for no fare.

“No Ma’am. It is fine. You and the little one enjoy your visit and have no worries. I am happy to be kind,” says the cabbie with a big smile on his face.

“Hey Mister!” Amelia pipes up, “You showed kindness and caring. Good job! You’d make a great Daisy Scout!”

I stifle a snort and let this settle in with the cabbie. He looks at me, thoroughly confused. I didn’t think Amelia was able to understand him through his thick African accent, but she had caught every word.

“What is this thing? A Daisy Scout?” he asks, and all three of us start laughing.

“We are nice girls who show kindness, caring, friendship, and love. And we get to sing songs and sell cookies,” explains Amelia.

“I like cookies. I will be this Daisy Scout with you,” says the cabbie, and I put out my hand to shake his hand.

“You are extremely kind. Thank you so much, Sir,” I say as he and Amelia high five and we exit the cab.

But now we’re standing on the corner of M Street and 18th, on the side of Dupont Circle I always get lost in, and it is cold and dark. I’m looking up at street signs and don’t notice Amelia has left my side to tap dance in her red sparkle shoes for two pan handlers sitting behind us. They are clapping and smiling at her.

“Smalls! Stay next to me. We need to find a hotel or another cab.” Me

“Mom, these guys like my shoes! I’ll get a cab!” Amelia had eaten a piece of leftover baby shower cake at my best friend’s apartment right before we left, and the sugar in the gobs of icing she consumed were kicking in.

Then I watched as my little six year old girl shook and shimmied her way to the corner, threw up her arm, stamped her foot twice, and literally hailed a cab by herself. The cabbie was laughing when he pulled up to us.

“Falls Church, by credit card?” Four cabs, four stories – it cannot be done, the credit card machine was not hooked up. Okay, I think to myself, this just isn’t going to work. We’ll just take the train. It was only 10:15pm, we’d be safe and fine. There would be lots of people on the platforms. Except this is the side of Dupont Circle I always get lost in, and I have a six year old with me and it is dark. I need to find someone to ask where the nearest Metro is, and try not to get mugged because I clearly look like a stupid tourist now.

“Hey Smalls, Mommy made a mistake about the cabs. Change of plans, we’re gonna take the train.”

“S’cuse me, Ma’am, do you need help finding a cab?” one of the pan handlers that Amelia had been tap dancing for had walked over to us.

“Hi. Well, I was hoping to take a cab, but apparently DC cabs don’t take cards, so….I think we’re SOL. Say, is there a Metro near here?” I’m trying to make my brain remember this side of the circle, and which way we should be walking.

“Yeah! The Farragut North station is just a block that way on Connecticut. The Blue Line,” the guy is still chuckling at Amelia, who is now doing some weird crab dance for a group of drunk college kids who are cheering her on.

“Thanks, you are very helpful. I really appreciate your kindness,” and I try to offer him the bills I had tried to offer the cabbie.

“You can be a Daisy Scout, too! Woo hoo!” Amelia is in full sugar high mode right now.

“Ah naw, Ma’am. Y’all just have a blessed night,” he says, pushing my money away.  ”High five, little dancer girl!” Amelia high fives the pan handler, I smile at him, and we wait for the light to change.

We walk to the Metro station, Amelia dancing and shaking and skipping and hollering the whole time.

“Mom,” she says, as we approach the top of the escalator,”You should stop giving people money for their kindness. Just let them be nice. WOOHOO HOO HOO!!”

“You may be right, Smalls. You may be right.”

“ON THE LEFT!” Amelia shouts as she fist pumps the air and charges down the escalator.

Funny, I brought Amelia on this Girl Trip to widen her world and give her new experiences. Seems it is I that is learning from her.

*image from pulsarwallpapers.com*

Last week walking home from school, Amelia was upset and telling me about a squabble she got in with her kindergarten classmate. We’ll call him “N”. From the beginning of the school year, Amelia and N had been buddies. Last week, the friendship went south.

“Mom, today at school I got so mad.” -The Original Pigtail Pal, Amelia

“What happened, Smalls?” -Me

“Well, N told me he hated dolphins and that they were awful. He doesn’t really think that. He said it to hurt me.” -Amelia

(for those who don’t know, Amelia loves ocean life the way some girls love Disney Princesses)

“That sounds upsetting. I’m sorry.” -Me

“It hurt my heart.” -Amelia

“Smalls, why would he say that to you? Did you guys get in a fight?” -Me

“No, he just started bossing me. I told him he doesn’t tell me what to think. ” –Amelia

“I’m glad you told N that. What happened next?” -Me 

“He started to say mean things to me and it made me sad. I told him to stop. He isn’t my boyfriend anymore.” –Amelia

“Oh, I didn’t realize N was your boyfriend. What does that mean?” –Me

“It is what N said. He said he didn’t like me anymore and Lily is his girlfriend now.” –Amelia

“I see. Did you want N to be your boyfriend? Or just a friend who is a boy?” –Me

“I just wanted him to be kind to me.” –Amelia

“I know. I love you.” –Me

And then today after school, enjoying a warm afternoon playing on the playground before walking home, the kids were making snowmen and running and sliding around. They seemed to be having a great time, and I was surprised when Amelia came up to me with sad eyes and asked to go home. Our weekend had been busy with her sixth birthday, so I figured she was pooped and needed some quiet time. And then she blew me away.

“…(something mumbled) and I got such a heart startle and it just made me feel so fizzy. It doesn’t feel good, when my heart does that like a tight beeping in a squeeze and it makes me feel like I don’t know what to expect. I got such a bad heart startle today when my friend got in trouble with Teacher because I thought it was me and I’m always thinking about that and it wasn’t like the kind when Tio jumps and and scares me and I scream and my knees shake and I like that kind. This is the kind when my heart tells me there is danger. Like today when N said hurtful things to me about the dolphin flags in my cupcakes. He said it again to hurt me, and then he yelled at me so mean because I knocked over par t of the snowman and he looked so angry and that was a bad heart startle.” –Amelia

“Heart startles. Sweetheart, if someone ever speaks to you in a way that gives you a heart startle, you need to walk away or tell them to speak to you with respect.” –Me

“Or I can just tell Teacher or find you.” –Amelia

“Amelia, I will always keep you safe, but you need to know how to speak up for yourself. If anyone speaks to you in that way like N did today, you either walk away, or you tell them to speak to you with respect. Friends can disagree, but friends don’t give friends heart startles.” -Me

“I didn’t want to do what he said.” –Amelia

“What did he want you to do?” –Me

“He said if I stopped loving dolphins, he would be my boyfriend again. I told him that wasn’t his option. Mom, I love dolphins so much.” –Amelia

“I know you do. You did a good job of telling N that he doesn’t tell you what to think. Amelia, listen to me, a boy never has the right to tell you what to think or what to love. A boy you care about should never give you a heart startle.” –Me

“I know. Daddy doesn’t act that way to you, he never talks to you that way and he never gives you heart startles but he kisses you and says you look nice and he is proud of you.” -Amelia   

“You are right. He is a good Daddy.” –Me

“He is a good Daddy.” -Amelia

A Guest Post by: Lori Day

Sarah and Poppy Burge, infamous beauty-obsessed mother/daugther duo.

Was this a fluky experience? I think so. The lunch area being comprised of all moms and daughters was unusual. The fact that all eight girls were wearing all pink was unusual—I mean, girls wear a lot of pink these days and it definitely is “the uniform,” but there are usually some girls wearing purple at the very least, or even some other colors. (Although, if you’ve never noticed this degree of little-girl pink- ubiquity, start paying attention in public places like malls, airports and food co-ops!)

The fact that two of the eight girls were wearing Disney costumes out to Costco and it was not Halloween or a dress-up birthday party seemed a tad above the usual ratio.

Taken all together, the amount of pink in the form of tulle, satin, glitter, make-up, kitten heels, and little girl bling was highly concentrated in space and time. But you know what? That’s what made me realize that culturally, we now have somewhat of an alliance between princess culture and mommy culture. Executive summary: For a lot of our daughters, the real world of girls and the Disney World marketed to girls have become the same thing.

Yesterday’s post about the invisible girl with the book came about from a question Melissa Wardy asked during a discussion on the Pigtail Pals’ Facebook page about why parents stopped questioning all of the tremendous changes in what is marketed to girls over the last ten years and how it is marketed:  

I believe that many parents have stopped questioning because they, too, are desensitized by our 24/7 media-saturated culture in which the value of females lies less in what they do than in how they look while doing it. Perhaps in these hard economic times, the fantasy that your child is the fairest in the land—or could be with the right focus on her appearance—seems normal, and even beneficial, in the eyes of those parents who do not spend much time intellectually contemplating the commodification of female beauty.

Perhaps parents also stopped questioning because there can be tremendous enjoyment and camaraderie in shared beauty play for females, young and old. Moms usually have the best of intentions. They are supporting each other, acknowledging each other’s children, expressing femininity, and having a great time together being girly. On the face of it, there is nothing wrong with this, and it has always been this way to some degree…just not to this degree.

My concern is with the amount of focus our society now places on female appearance, the enormous multi-billion dollar industry that has grown up around it, and the necessary insecurities these corporations must instill in females, from a very young age, in order to turn them into lifetime consumers. Personally, I advocate for a deeper consideration of these issues by all parents, but I also recognize that a whole lot of parents really like things the way they are, and believe that good parenting will take care of it all, despite the research that has emerged on the tremendous number of hours of powerful marketing and media messages kids consume every single day.

I think it’s like rolling dice. Remember when it was legal to advertise smoking? Strong parents sometimes managed to raise children who did not smoke. But the millions of dollars spent on the seductive advertising campaigns for cigarettes was a Siren call to many kids who did all, eventually, leave the close supervision of their parents and wander out into the big world where they consumed this advertising, and joined a peer group of kids who thought smoking was cool. What was needed was strong parenting and laws that forced the tobacco companies to recognize the harm to children (and adults) inherent in their marketing and profiteering.

So I think it all depends on how one views the world. If you are the kind of parent of who is inclined to look below the shiny surface of pop culture to understand the unhealthy role being played by money and corporations in the lives of girls and women, and are prepared to raise your daughter in ways that might occasionally make you look either out of touch or antagonistic to mainstream girl culture, then you will naturally question, question, question. If not, not.

While I hope more and more parents will go back to questioning, I equally hope that the vigilance and activism of advocacy groups like Pigtail Pals – Redefine Girly  and so many others (see the blog roll on my website for other recommended individuals and groups to follow who are working on making the world a better place for all children) will eventually change the ground rules for the marketers as did happen decades ago regarding the cigarette companies. Social change takes a long time and a lot of hard work by a lot of individuals, but it can happen, and I am proud to be a small part of this massive grassroots effort. What is at stake is nothing less than our girls’ future, and that is not something to gamble.

Poppy Burge, 7yo, received several vouchers for cosmetic surgeries for her 7th birthday.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lori Day

Image from clker.com, Rolera LLC

A Guest Post by Lori Day:

I never want to be accused of considering Costco a microcosm of the real world because I’d like to have less despair than that, but maybe there is something to be gained by cautiously extrapolating from that surreal environment to something essentially true about the culture we live in.

One day, in order to take a break from the crowds of people forming around the free food samples and the incredibly long lines snaking through the electronics aisle, I decided to indulge in a slice of cheese pizza and a diet Coke at the snack area. I sat at a table at the back, and soon noticed that there were three tables occupied by mothers with two or three daughters each. There were no dads and no sons on this particular day.

 When you eat lunch alone, it’s amazing what you see and hear and notice about your fellow human beings who do not know you are quietly people-watching them.  The first thing I observed was the way the girls were looking at each other. The mothers had not yet acknowledged each other, but the daughters were making friendly cross-table eye contact. Soon, the mothers noticed that the girls were around the same age and were interested in each other, and everyone exchanged pleasantries and it was really nice, and very different than the usual vibe of competitive drag racing with shopping carts that we had all just survived. I find even basic human decency moving when I encounter it at Costco.

I got up to get some extra napkins, and when I returned all of the mothers and daughters were engaged with each other. You know what? That was really cool. I was totally smiling. Then I suddenly noticed something that for no explicable reason (other than complete desensitization) I had previously failed to notice…that all eight girls of these three mothers were dressed head-to-toe in pink. I don’t mean that some of them had on jeans and a pink sweatshirt. Or a pink top and off-white skirt. I mean what I said—literally every girl wore no item of clothing that was not light pink, medium pink, dark pink, fuchsia or magenta, in some combination, with zero items of clothing in any other shade or hue. (Not on a hit-and-run anti-pink rant here, just articulating the phenomenal amount of that color that was present.)

Then, I realized what the mothers and daughters were all talking about…who was pretty, who looked “just like a princess,” who had the most beautiful hair, whose fingernail polish was the most gorgeous shade of pink, whose pink hair accessories were the loveliest, whose sparkly pink shoes were fanciest and like you’d wear to a ball, etc.

Honestly, this went on for longer than one could possibly imagine.  I had long since finished my meal and remained sitting there, sipping my soda, transfixed. Mothers were almost competing to out-compliment the beauty of each other’s girls. This is sweet and caring, isn’t it? Yes, for sure, but it is something else as well, and it became something else very quickly.

The youngest of all the girls, perhaps three or four, stood up. She was wearing a pink tulle skirt, like a tutu, but longer and able to flow and twirl. She smiled coyly at one of the other mothers, twirled around a few times holding the hem of her skirt, and then posed. I thought she was going to courtesy, but instead she put her hand n her hip and pushed her pelvis forward…waiting. Her own mother beamed as one of the other mothers exclaimed, “My, aren’t you the belle of the ball?”

Soon, all of the girls—that is, except one—got up and casually wandered between the tables, visiting each other, showing off their pink dresses and the Disney costumes a couple of them had worn that day, since Disney costumes are now just regular attire. They were sashaying, flipping their hair, pretending they were models, striking poses, giggling, and drinking in all of the mirth and effusive praise of the mothers, who were utterly delighted by the whole show. Costco’s warehouse lunch area had been transformed into a cement-floored catwalk for an impromptu Toddlers & Tiaras audition. The girls were having a wonderful time.

Except one. This girl was around seven or eight, and of a quieter, more introverted disposition. She had a book and was reading. I could not see the title, but it was fairly thick, and the girl seemed like she was very absorbed in it and probably a pretty good reader. She glanced up repeatedly from her book to watch the other girls—some older, some younger, one her sister—strutting, preening, and lapping up every “How beautiful!” Slowly, she pushed her book to the edge of the table where she was sitting and looked around. No one noticed. She whispered something to her mother, and her mother whispered something back.

Eventually, the girl slid the book back across her table, away from where the other girls were roaming the aisles between the tables. Now here’s where I wished I had a video camera. I will not have the words to describe this girl’s face. Crestfallen? Glum? Hurt? None of these work. Maybe…invisible. She looked like she felt invisible. She looked down at her clothes and up at the clothes of the other girls and back down at her own again. They were pink but not frilly. I realized they were what I would call play clothes, not dress-up clothes. She kept looking at the other girls getting all the attention with their swirling and twirling, knowing her own clothes would not do that.

She was ignored by all of the other girls and other mothers except her own. Apparently, her lack of proper attention to her own femininity was a tragedy for everyone else — innocent bystanders were being robbed in broad daylight of their God-given right to observe her in pink tulle, primping and sashaying in some big-box fashion show of this decade’s new essential girlwear.

I wanted to hug that girl, who is so much like my own daughter, and like I was as a child, and say, “Wow, that’s quite a book you’ve got there! What are you reading?”

Just at that moment the girl’s father came over, along with a boy who was clearly her brother. The boy had a Harry Potter book under his arm—that much was obvious. The father said to his wife, “I got a good spot out front. Are you ready to go?” The mother nodded and started to clean up the paper plates and soda cups on the table. The girl with the book got up and walked towards her dad. One of the other mothers said to her brother, “Wow, you’re a smart boy reading Harry Potter!”

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A big thank you to Lori Day for sharing her insightful experience with the Redefine Girly blog.

Tune in tomorrow for Part 2!

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Lori Day

Lori Day is an educational psychologist and consultant with Lori Day Consulting in Concord, MA, having worked previously in the field of education for over 25 years in public schools, private schools, and at the college level. She writes and blogs about parenting, education, children, gender, media, and pop culture. You can connect with Lori on Facebook, Twitter, or Google+.

Lego wordle from Lego Friends tv commercial. Any of that say STEM to you?

I know we’ve been talking about Lego quite a bit.

What I find so fascinating about this story is how it is the perfect microcosm of all things girlhood these days. Corporate pink-washing, relegating girls to all things pretty and sweet, beauty over brains, using sexism to defend sexism, make-up on 8 year olds in a Lego tv commercial, and the list goes on.

So while this is about Lego, this is about so much more. Lego is just a symptom of ginormous problems staring down our girls. I just hope we are raising them to be tough enough to take it on and squash it.

Lowest Common Denominator

To be fair, the new Lego Friends isn’t all bad. It is just that it isn’t all that good, from a brand parents go to as an amazing brain-boosting toy. This new line leaves many parents wondering how Lego sees their girls’ brains, as the girl’s line is heavy on the cute, light on construction (I don’t count putting flower petals on stems or bows on dogs as building). I do like the science lab and tree house, and even the cafe (a little bit) and vet clinic. Olivia’s big house looks like it would be fun to build. Amelia, my almost-6-year-old would like them, but we would both be left wishing the majority of the sets required more actual construction. And challenging construction at that. There are so few building pieces, it would be hard to take them apart and build your own creation. That is the kind of stuff that breaks my Lego-loving heart.

The other part that breaks my heart is how segregated by gender Lego has become. Amelia received and loved the Lego City Marina for Christmas. For her birthday next week, my mom and dad got her another section of Lego City. I bought her a tub of primary colored bricks and a green and blue building board. But I wonder in a couple of years how my kids will view Lego, with the boy-dominated licensed sets and the all-girl Heartlake City. Lego has drawn a rather thick pink and blue line in the sand. Try as I might, I don’t know how much longer I will be able to keep Lego gender-equal in my home. As it stands, Lego seems to have some pretty sexist messages jumping off their boxes at kids, and I’m not a huge fan of teaching my kids sexist messages. Lyn Mikel Brown says,“The human brain is “fantastically plastic” and the best thing we can do for our children is to give them a full range of opportunities and experiences, especially in the early years. We don’t know at five how little Tierra’s or Tommy’s passions and talents will surface, so why pay good money to limit their options to the pink and blue aisles of toy stores?”

Lego is in the spot they are in not because girls changed, but because Lego changed on girls. To boost sales in the early 2000′s they focused on licensing deals with boys square in their sights. Girls stopped playing with Lego because Leg0 stopped including them. You’ve all seen the 1981 “What it is, is beautiful” ad circulating….1981 was 31 years ago. 31 years is a long time, Lego. Lego’s own marketing told girls that Lego wasn’t for girls. You can kinda see how girls went they way they did on this one.

Lego used the lowest common denominator  in girlhood to design their line. Lego says the end result is after four years of $4 million in global research and this is what girls and moms want. For reals, Lego? I guess they didn’t interview the several thousands of moms (and dads and aunts and uncles and grandmas and caring adults) who voiced their opinion on the Lego Facebook page, several thousand more from the Pigtail Pals Facebook page (and other rad groups like Powered By Girl, SPARK, New Moon Girls, Princess Free Zone, Reel Girl; and the formidable girl culture expert, one Peggy Orenstein). A change.org petition calling for Lego to try harder for our girls has a couple thousand signatures.  Lego says their research revealed girls play in the first person, are interested in beauty, and want to get to their role playing more quickly than boys. This fascinates me, as I have spent the past two weeks watching my female child play HOURS of Lego and not once tell herself to hurry it up so her Lego self can get her plastic hair done at the beauty salon.

Amy Jussel of Shaping Youth asks, “How (and why) are we missing profound opportunities to leverage neuroscience breakthroughs for positive change, wellness and play? How can we finally be tossing aside ‘hardwired corpus calossum theories’ on differences in boys/girls, acknowledging brain plasticity and realizing this play pattern/edu deficit stuff is NOT ‘set in stone’ and yet simultaneously standby to see Lego spend $40 million in mega-marketing bucks to proceed to SET it in stone.” Read the entire amazing post HERE.

You know how I always say, “I’m not anti-pink. I’m not anti-princess. I am anti-limitation. When we limit our children, we limit our children.”? Well, that pithy Amy Jussel says it this way and I like it:

I AM against stacking the deck of ‘learned behavior’ with pervasively marketed signals of stereotyped imagery embedding into the brain with stiflingly narrowcast assembly-line rote mimickry. I far prefer pure, imaginative, problem-solving free form fun.

I encourage you to watch the Lego Friends tv commercials, with the make-up clad third graders in the opener making a heart with their hands (awww, somewhere Taylor Swift just did one back) and the music sparkles and we are introduced to Heartlake City, the pinky-purple enclave where the Lego Friends live. With hearts on sky scrapers not a male in sight. Weird.

Watch as the saccharine-sweet narrator talks about the Friends partying at the cafe with the girls (only after they’ve been styled at the salon) because they need to chill after decorating their houses. It is important to note the commercial doesn’t show the girls finishing up a surgery at the clinic and then heading over to the science lab to help Lego Friend Olivia with her latest experiment. Lego shows the girls get coiffed at the salon and then go party.  I think Lego needs to Redefine Girly just a tish.

I think the commercial speaks loudly as to how Lego sees girls, what Lego thinks girls are interested in, and how highly Lego holds girls’ capacity for spacial reasoning and construction play. Will this attract our girly-girls out there who think Lego is only for boys, or will only play with pink and pretty things? Maybe. I am yet unconvinced the ends justify the means. Being a girly-girl doesn’t make one incapable of building and planning and designing and reasoning, but Lego doesn’t seem to see it that way. Lego has a very clear idea of what “girly” means to them.

I am left wondering, in the age of childhood obesity, why Lego could not have created a juice bar/farmer’s stand with fresh produce and flowers? The all-female residents of Heartlake City are shown in the commercials rolling down to the cafe for burgers, shakes, and cupcakes. Instead of a cupcake baker, couldn’t Lego Friend Andrea be an organic farmer and we could build her a barn and big Chevy farm truck? And she could have a little laptop where she tracks weather systems and soil conditions and Skypes with other organic farmers around the world? No? Too much?   

I also wonder, why can’t a single one of the girls work in downtown Heartlake in one of those skyscrapers? Maybe as, oh I don’t know…an engineer or architect? Is that just crazy talk? Why are they in the burbs decorating houses and cupcakes? Did I miss the Lego Friends Time Machine that zapped us back to 1952? Were you to lay a track of the Lego Friends commercial over one for Barbie Charm School or Lelli Kelly sparkle toe shoes or anything Disney Princess, they all sound exactly the same. Somehow Lego and other marketers decided the way to attract XX-chromosome customers you need a syrupy-sweet female voice with blue birds singing in the background to sell girls on the notion their role in this world is to be pretty and sweet. Way to STEM it up, Lego.

As Daniel Sinker says in his post, “Legos are still held up as a gateway to engineering and science, and despite my misgivings about the current state of their kits, I still believe they are. But if they’ve become toys marketed to a single gender, then we’re just reproducing the already awful gender imbalance in STEM education and employment.”

If girls are playing in the first person, as Lego says their research found, why is Lego not making people that are amazing role models for girls? Why is Lego not taking this opportunity to promote STEM to girls? In addition to a cafe owner, where is the calculus teacher or surgeon or CEO or scientific explorer or rescue worker or geologist or…..anything but what they gave us that sells girls short. Mireya Mayor is a famous National Geographic wildlife explorer, author, and a total girly-girl, even when treking across the world discovering new animal species. Lego, the king of licensing, couldn’t send her an email? I’d buy Mireya Mayor or Bindi Irwin Lego by the bucket. I like the vet (short skirt-wearing vet, this was questioned by a vet on our Facebook page) and the invention lab, but instead Lego morphed Polly Pockets and Barbie into brick form. Lego had such an amazing opportunity here to break away from the pack at the quarter pole and be a champion for girls. They didn’t take it. It is still out there, Mega Bloks, in case your listening.

Somebody please have the guts to show our girls how strong and smart and incredible and powerful they can be. I do it with my shirts and I sell them by the thousands. Let’s put that into a little plastic toy form. I’ve got ideas, who wants to listen? Mattel, wanna talk? Manhattan Toy Company? Is there ANYONE out there who has not drank the pink Kool-Aid?? I think I’m going to make myself cry.

Let’s move on…..

NBC’s TODAY Show Uses Sexism and Stereotypes to Promote Sexism and Stereotypes

On Tuesday morning many of us watched incredulously (jump to 5:01 in the video) as Matt Lauer interviewed Star Jones, Donny Deutsch, and Dr. Nancy Snyderman. One of the topics discussed was Lego Friends, and the two minute discussion was a master’s class in using ingrained cultural sexism to defend sexism. The interview left many of us furious and offended. As was brilliantly said on the Pigtail Facebook page: “Having people with such a reach not GET IT is overwhelming.”

Margot Magowan of Reel Girl transcribed the segment:

Matt Lauer:

Star Jones: And they give you little electric mixers and brushes and combs and purses.

Donnie Deutsch: Perfect, perfect.

Matt Lauer: You’re sounding down on this.

Jones: When you’re a little girl, you want to build bridges also. You want to put them on top of each other. You don’t want–

Lauer: So go out and buy the architectural Lego.

(Nancy Snyderman laughs.)

Jones: Which is exactly the way my three year old goddaughter does. She has the architectural one. The big yellow ones.

Nancy Snyderman: These are perfectly okay. The reality is there is a gender difference. Girls like playing with girl’s things, and you’re still constructing things. If the cupcake girl can still do calculus, I have no issue.

Then there’s this part, Italics mine because there was so much interupting at this point it is hard to follow:

Deutsch: You’re teaching them to build! (Not really, the sets require precious little challenging building.)

Snyderman: It gets girls into architecture and math and design, I’m all for it!

Jones: Give them some alternatives for goodness sake. (Visibly frustrated.)

Lauer: There’s no law that says they can’t go to the store and buy the Frank Lloyd Wright line. (No law, but a hell of a lot of marketing.)

Jones: They (don’t) put the Legos in the girls sections. (Star was interupted here and not able to finish her sentence.)

Deutsch: Little Girls do like princesses and things like that. I like princesses. (Categorical stereotype presented as fact. My little girl does not like princess. I know many others like her.)

Snyderman: And will parents buy this for boys? (Laughs loudly)

Deutsch: No they won’t. (Laughs loudly, with an “Oh my God, that’d be so gay” look on his face.)

Lauer: That’s probably not going to happen. (Gives Nancy a “Are you crazy” side glance because everyone knows boys don’t touch girls’ things.)

(Matt, Donny, and Nancy all laugh loudly as Star sits slumped and defeated in her chair.)

Well then. If that isn’t offensive, I don’t know what is. First, for a segment on marketing, no one but Star Jones seemed to understand marketing. How a product is packaged, and who is shown playing with it, matters. Where the product is placed in the store, specifically the pink and blue toy aisles, matters. The images and messages and color coding our kids see over and over and over again, matters. This is called marketing, and marketers know all of this matters. That is why they spend so much money doing it. Keep in mind, Donny Deutsch is an ad guy. A famous one. And he uses a cupcake and princess analogy presented as fact, when what he is doing is missing the point that girls are programmed and conditioned to like those things because so often, they have no other choices. They like what they have to choose from. It is like Henry Ford saying, “You can have any color you want so long as it is black.” Girls who are given a wider range to choose from demonstrate a variety of interests. If from that wide range they choose cupcakes and tutus, bless their little hearts. But sweet baby jeebus give them choices. Choices! 2012 could be the year of choices!!

Second, the bigger issue is the laughter over the idea of boys playing with this Lego Friends line. And not just a chuckle. Three of the four “professional” panelists had cracked themselves up over the idea of a boy playing with a toy so feminine. Clearly the panelists feel there is a definite distinction over what girls and boys should be playing with, and the idea of a boy being interested in Heartlake City is hilarious.

The Sanford Harmony Program  said it best on the Pigtail Facebook page: “This was a tremendous missed opportunity for bringing boys and girls TOGETHER. If children are given more chances to establish some common ground, and work and play with one another, they will be more inclined to engage more often – learning from and about each other along the way. The messages and images polarizing our girls and boys contribute tremendously to the notion that boys and girls grow-up in “separate worlds.” In these single-gender peer groups, kids are honing their communication and problem solving skills in isolation of one another and socializing each other in different ways. The world is co-ed – let’s do something to help bring our kids together.” 

Vintage Lego ad, when Lego knew who they were and what they meant to kids.

 Side by Side Gender Apartheid: A Visual Reference

I headed to YouTube to catch some Lego tv commercials, and see if maybe this all wasn’t just in my head. So I watched two Lego Friends commercials, and then created a wordle from the words in the used by the narrator in the commercial, and the colors most represented by the brick colors in the sets. I then did the same for a Lego Dino and Lego City commercial.

You be the judge.

Apartheid (n): From the Afrikaans word for “apartness”, a system of segregation.

Words captured from Lego commercials, Lego Friends on left, Lego Dino and Lego City on right. (blog.pigtailpals.com)

Barbie Fashionista. Box says for ages 3+.

My youngest brother is home for the holidays, and while at Target toy shopping for my kids, he decided to go into the Barbie aisle because over Thanksgiving he had watched the 20/20 piece featuring SPARK Summit dynamo Dana Edell and was stunned at what was going on in girlhood. He couldn’t believe some of what he saw during the interview with Dana wasn’t illegal. He has heard me talk about it for several years, but he wanted to see it for himself. He lives in Costa Rica and doesn’t have kids, so a lot of what Pigtail Pals talks about isn’t on his radar.

He was shopping for Legos for Amelia and Benny, but walked into the Barbie aisle to see what the fuss was about. Over Christmas he asked me, “Why are all of the Barbies dressed like whores?”.  Valid question, pejorative aside. The Barbie to our left has a face loaded with make-up, a skin-tight shirt that reads Miss Sassy, a chain link belt, and a hot pink thong clearly visible under the metallic hot pink micro-miniskirt that barely covers her Barbie bum.

For the record, he got his niece a four foot long stuffed dolphin. Good uncle.

Why do almost all of the plastic dolls we see in the toy aisles look like what we would stereotype as a sex worker? I have yet to understand how companies are passing these off as children’s toys. But parents are accepting it, and buying them, and the cycle continues.

But for parents who aren’t buying it, and who are working hard to keep their young daughters from being sexualized, how in the world does one explain Monster High to a five year old? The thing with Monster High et al is that they are so highly inappropriate, it is kind of inappropriate to discuss with a child why they are inappropriate. Since we can’t really use words like “skid row hooker” with our kindergartners and all…

Last night on our Facebook page I was asked the following:
“How do you explain why the Monster High dolls, and the like, aren’t good to a 5 year old? How do you explain what is wrong with them? I told her once that ‘they’re just not very nice.’ I honestly didn’t know what to tell her!” -Danielle

Mattel's Monster High character Clawdeen Wolf, for ages 6+.

This was my reply when the situation arose for Amelia and I:

What I said to my 5yo was that Monster High dolls were dressed in a way that I felt was inappropriate for children, that their faces looked mean not nice, and that their bodies sent our hearts unhealthy messages. We talked about different colors of hair and skin being really cool, but that these dolls made little girls focus too much on being pretty for other people and being too grown-up and that is not what kids need to do.

A few months down the road when she asked for more info, I told her that Monster High dolls have the kind of bodies that can make girls sick, because a real person could never have a body like that, and that I loved my little girl’s healthy body so much I would never want her to have something that would make her think her body wasn’t amazing.

And when she kept pushing about the clothing, I told her that girls who dress like that often don’t have full and happy hearts, and they use clothing like that to get attention and make themselves feel full. Then I took it a step further, and had her come upstairs to her dress up drawer, and picked out clothing I knew was way too small and tight for her. She put it on, and I told her to go play. Amelia said she couldn’t move because of her clothes. I then asked if she thought Monster High was silly, because how could those girls move and be teenagers who do fun things and play sports. She said she thought maybe they just stood around and looked pretty.

I told her she was absolutely right. And then we talked about other toys she had, how different they looked, and what kinds of things those dolls could do instead. I hope to grow the idea of full and happy hearts as Amelia (and Benny) age, to help her make good and healthy decisions about all kinds of things: healthy eating and exercise, drugs and alcohol, sex and relationships, good behavior in school, etc. If that is our baseline, I think the things that fall so far outside of that, whether it is Monster High or music lyrics or friends who are a bad influence, my kids will see it for what it is and be that much more equipped to make good choices for themselves.

I want to teach them to use their intuition and common sense when it comes to hard decisions. It is what I do when I tell myself there is no way in hell that dolls like Monster High or Bratz or hooker Barbies will end up in my home. I respect my children far too much to feed them a diet of garbage like that.

Then another mom added this:

“My 4 year old asked the same thing. I pointed out the clothing and said that girls her age don’t wear clothes that look like that. She seemed ok with that answer at this point, but I am certain we will need to go more in depth with it soon! We had the same convo over the Bratz dolls and some Barbies too.” -Christi

Mattel says Monster High is for tweens and teens. Which would be true, if teens played with dolls and shopped in the toy aisle and stood three feet tall.

Imagine a toy store where the aisles are seperated by color. The toys in the different-colored aisles contrast sharply from each other, and send strong messages to the children viewing them about what is and is not accepted and expected from children of the other color. They also send strong messages about which colored child should be in which aisle, and where their interests lay. For the most part, the children accept the color lines and stick to their aisle. Grown ups seem to have no problem with it.

The Black Aisle for African American kids. The White Aisle for Caucasion kids.
Oh, is that offensive? We wouldn’t dream of segregating toys like that, you’re right.
I meant the Purple Aisle for Christians, The Blue Aisle for Jews, and the far Red Aisle for Muslims.
No, wrong again? Still offensive? We don’t seperate children by race or religion. We wouldn’t teach, and certainly not market nor build profits off intolerance, stereotypes, and limitation like that, got it.

Now imagine I’m talking about Pink and Blue.
Still. Offensive.

When we limit our children, we limit our children.

December 20, 2011

Dear Lego,

This is a big Christmas for my family. With our children being almost six years old and three years old, we have graduated into the world of “big kid” toys. This was the first year our children were going to get real Legos from Santa. Not Mega Blocks, we’re giving our big tub of those to the little girls across the street. Not Duplos, because we’re big kids now. Legos. Real, bona fide, build-em-up but don’t-step-on-them-in-the-middle-of-the-night Legos. We were going to take the kids to Legoland in Chicago. I was so excited.

And then you broke my heart just a little bit. You sold out. You sold my daughter out. You shortchanged my son and now contribute to the skewed and narrow way girls are portrayed in media and toys. You became like every other toy maker and drank the pink Kool Aid. You stated some research  about girls needing girly Legos to build and create. Something about needing to project themselves onto their toys. Most little girls I know want to be doctors, teachers, vets, scientists, explorers, and moms when they grow up. I suppose I was a little foolish to think you’d make the Ladyfig Space Station, Ladyfig Emergency Room, Ladyfig Trek Explorer Caravan, and the special edition Ladyfig Doctors Without Borders Field Hospital and UN ambulance.  But your busty Ladyfigs in their short skirts and the gender-coded pink, turquoise, and purple bricks come as a pop star, a socialite (seriously?), and a beautician. Because nothing tells our girls to dream big like a Ladyfig in a hot tub with a fruity cocktail.

Your research showed girls like to project themselves onto the toys they are playing with, so instead of giving them Dr. Sally Ride or Hilary Clinton or Dian Fossey or Septima Clark or Margaret Mead or Amelia Earhart or Dr. Hattie Alexander, you gave them Kim Kardashian.

How is my almost six year supposed to project herself onto a socialite or pop star, when the women in our family and friends she knows closely are university deans, international humanitarian workers, teachers, nurses, business owners, and writers? I suppose I could get her Olivia’s Workshop for her January birthday, as the power tools and microscope and equations on the blackboard are more congruent with how I am raising her than the beautician sitting poolside with a Orange Mojito in her giant Ladyfig hand.

I think it is very important for little girls to build, compute, and problem solve. To actually construct things, mind you, not just move their Ladyfig vet around the vet clinic that doesn’t require much building. For spatial aptitude and mathematical skills, Legos are superb. But when I look at your “girl” sets, I see that you don’t expect much from girls. Maybe pink bricks will draw in girls who wouldn’t normally build/play with Legos, but they are still getting the short straw once they arrive to Lego in comparison to what you offer boys.

About boys, for a minute. They are raised from birth to be little masters of the universe. Girls are, by and large, told to be sweet and pretty. Your advertisements don’t show girls playing with Legos. The Legos for girls you will soon offer reinforce these gender stereotypes that boys are picking up from our culture about what to expect from girls, and what girls are capable of. I know the selection of Legos is huge, and I know that I have other Lego set options to purchase for my home. As the mother to a son and a daughter, the stereotypes found within the Lego world for girls bother me greatly. I can still hear the whooosh sound that the tub of Legos I had growing up made with my brothers and I would dump it out all over a bedroom floor and sit for hours and build. I wanted this for my children.

I was so excited to bring Legos into our home. Now, my feeling at most can be described as “meh”. Maybe we’ll give Lego a second chance. Or maybe I’ll just get the kids Bristle Blocks instead. I don’t think those come with boobs and mini-skirts.

Sincerely,
Melissa Wardy

Melissa Wardy, age 7 in 1984, with her Legos.