Having been both, I do not know which is more difficult: being a teen or being a parent. I have not yet parented a teen, so perhaps I can’t answer that one quite yet. During the years I was a teen, we lived in a very small town. My parents were good parents, but their parenting got in the way of me being a teenager. I distinctly remember my feelings towards my parents when I was a teen, specifically the year I was 15 years old. That was the year I became a pain in the ass.  That was the year my dad tried to sell me to my uncle. That was the same year my mom gave me a little gift, for what I cannot remember, of a little figurine mouse eating chocolate candies. I opened the box, took one look at it, and screamed/hissed/breathed fire, “SO YOU THINK I’M FAT!?” and then burst into tears and didn’t talk to her for two weeks. Did I mention my uncle declined my dad’s offer? No hard feelings.

We all know how hard parenting is. The job of gestating, birthing, caring for, and raising small human beings into big human beings with as little collateral damage as possible. I’m four years into it and it is definitely the craziest and most difficult thing I’ve ever done. But I know I’m doing it well. Well, let me clarify – I have zero idea when or how or if you are supposed to give a child an allowance, I do not know the lyrics to childrens’ songs, and my oldest child hasn’t eaten a single vegetable since she was seven months old. That’s just the little stuff, really.

The big stuff? I’m really good at….explaining death and compassion and tolerance for diversity and self worth and honesty and healthy living. I have kids that ask lots of questions. Lots of questions. And I give them answers that respect their intelligence and help shape them into big human beings. Of course, you don’t to wait for your child to become a teen to teach them to be strong in their heart.

Watch as a new member of Girl Gang explains:

On Monday nights’ HUGE, we saw some not great parenting and we saw how difficult it is to be a teen. We saw parents who fight all the time and file for divorce, parents who pay their teen money for losing weight and “being a good girl”, teens who lie to their parents about whom they are dating to gain acceptance, teens who have to become the parent because their own parent is incapable of being an emotionally mature grown up. We saw parents who don’t really know their kids or how to talk to them or how to accept them for who they are. We saw the pain that teens can feel when they aren’t accepted by their parents – like when they receive a box at weight loss camp with a sweatshirt inside that is two sizes too small and a note saying “Can’t wait to see you in this”.

Although I haven’t parented a teen, I can imagine I’d have a rough go of it if I try to fit my teen into a box. It is not up to the parent to define to their child who they will be. The parent is there to set rules and boundaries for safety and provide a listening ear and guidance. I think it would be much easier to watch and enjoy as your child fits into our world, as opposed to fitting them inside a box.

Somewhere along the way, the most important lesson is to teach a child is to love themself. To be strong in their heart. That way, no matter what comes at them, they have a strength inside of them that will carry them through. Our teens go through a lot these days. Their world moves pretty fast. If we teach them to be strong in their hearts, the world we send them into will seem that much more manageable. If we teach them to be strong in their hearts, the world is theirs for the taking.

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