What happens on December 7th? That’s my question for this silly Facebook group whose goal is: ”There should be no human faces on Facebook but an invasion of memories to raise awareness to end Violence Against Children.” As of this morning the group has 7,800 some members, no website, is made up of “unnamed volunteers”, and offers no information on child abuse numbers, warning signs, or action items in their facebook feed. Here’s more on the story.
This campaign is supposed to continue until Dec 6th. Child abuse affects 5.8 million children every year in this country alone. If child abuse is a system that feeds on the dehumanization of its tiny victims and the facelessness of the perpetrators, this entire event has me scratching my head. What happens on Dec 7th? People I love deeply were abused as children and most likely would have appreciated and benefited from an awareness campaign, so I’d really really like to know what happens on Dec 7th when this schtick is up.
By now you must surely have seen many of your Facebook friends changing their profile pictures into their favorite childhood cartoon character. Many of mine have. I’ve read and been told this is supposed to raise awareness for child abuse, I’m just confused as to how. I’ve been watching the feeds of my friends, and not a single one has started a conversation about child abuse. Just status updates about holiday shopping and Hanukkah food and impending snow storms. I am not going to change my personal or business Facebook profile picture, and I’d like to give you some better ideas on things that could be done to bring awareness about child abuse and its victims. Because you know, changing your Facebook profile photo for three days is simply the very least you can do.
First, let’s cover the facts so that those of you with cartoon pics can have informed conversations about child abuse when you run into your neighbor at the coffee shop:
Latest studies from 2007 show that just over 5.8 million children were reported in 3.5 million cases to state or local Child Protective Service agencies and accepted as alleged victims of abuse.
An estimated 794,000 children were substantiated as victims of abuse and neglect. Of course, this number would not reflect those children who are never reported or receive help.
An estimated 1, 760 children die from abuse each year. That is five kids a day.
79% of these deaths are in children under 4 years old, at ages when they are MOST dependent on their caretakers for survival, are small in size, and are completely unable to defend themselves.
Of the 1,760 deaths per year from abuse and neglect, 45.3% of these are children under the age of 1 year. Babies. Infants. Beat and neglected to death. Another 34.5 % were age 1-3 years, too small to defend their tiny bodies.
Parents are responsible for 71% of all physical child abuse and neglect. Family members are responsible for 68% of sexual abuse.
1 out of 3 girls and 1 out of 5 boys will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday. 1 in 3. 1 in 5.
Child abuse occurs at every socioeconomic level, across ethnic and cultural lines, within all religions and at all levels of education.
HERE is an entire file dedicated to teaching you the signs of abuse. Read it. Know it. Act upon it when you see it.
30%of abused and neglected children will go on to abuse and neglect their own children.
Well, now you know your numbers for this awareness raising pledged to take place this weekend, but what could you do if you actually wanted to DO SOMETHING?
- Suspected cases of child abuse and neglect can be reported to local/state agencies or call National Child Abuse Hotline at 1.800.4.A.CHILD / 1.800.422.4453for help. After you make your report, follow up with the agency in a few weeks to ensure they have checked on the welfare of the child(ren) or to provide any additional information.
- Volunteer at a Crisis Nursery. I have, and they are the happiest and saddest places you’ll ever see. Find one here.
- Donate to My Stuff Bags Foundation, that provides immediate, tangible items to children who have been torn away from abusive homes, often without the dignity of personal belongings.
- Donate items to a Crisis Nursery. They are always in need of: diapers, diaper rash cream, pacifiers, child underwear, batteries, healthy child friendly snacks, pajamas, bedtime blankets, stuffed animals, books, toothbrushes and tooth paste.
- Go to Charity Navigator – Human Services page to find lists of the top rated charities in the nation that help with child abuse and foster children.
- Go to Prevent Child Abuse America or Child Help to learn more about the topic and find meaningful ways to contribute.
If you want to really do something this weekend, if you really want to raise awareness, do it in a lasting, meaningful way. $10 worth of supplies or child items in a bag makes an enormous impact on the little hands it will be placed into. How many friends do you have on Facebook? What if each of you gave $10? If you want to raise awareness and be an advocate, do something meaningful for the children we’re all talking about this weekend.
You don’t have to defend yourselves, tell me it could be helping maybe just one child……DO something. Challenge your friends to do something. But DO something, because on Monday when you change your picture back, “back to normal” won’t happen for the 5.8 million kids being abused. DO something.
-~-~-~ -~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
Update: There was a request for information on how to prevent child abuse, as many of my links were about how to react to it. The best information I could find on prevention was THIS.
Update: There have been several messages sent asking about the rumor this Facebook game was started by a group of pedophiles to gain access to children. I have found no verification of this story, and the current status on www.snopes.com is that it is false. (Be warned: Snopes takes the same attitude as this post did.)
COMMENTS TO THIS POST ARE NOW CLOSED. Take the time and energy and go put it into our children.
187 Responses to “Child Abuse Doesn’t Look Like Batman or Smurfette”
Here is some evidence of the good that this cartoon pic thing has created!
http://www.facebook.com/#!/nspcc/posts/129409900451942
melissa Reply:
December 5th, 2010 at 10:03 pm
HI Tami -
I cannot see the link (it just takes me to my Facebook homepage) but I’ll trust it is directing us to a meaningful conversation, which is all I have wanted. If that is the case, then that is excellent!
You know what? I was one of those statistics when I was a child – I was abused by a family member & then a friend’s brother – and I have no problem with people changing their pics to a cartoon character. Even thought it does seem like a small gesture, it shows that people are aware of the problem & will continue to be aware of the problem & when the opportunity presents itself, will do something that you might consider substantial to help alleviate the problem. At least this has gotten people talking abut it & posting ways to help (like your blog). But don’t be so negative towards those who have chosen a simple way to show they support & are willing to help make more people aware of the problem. An avalanche starts with one small noise – and one small ripple can make big waves. Allow people a chance to be that small noise – you never what big things will come of it!
shane Reply:
December 5th, 2010 at 9:39 pm
thank you.
renee giambrone Reply:
December 5th, 2010 at 11:34 pm
nicely said!!! I was that kid who was abused too.i loved the cartoon pic’s
anna b Reply:
December 6th, 2010 at 7:28 am
I too am a survivor of child abuse and have no problem with the gesture. In fact it has led to many meaningful conversations regarding prevention, protection, and treatment. Your blog is another example, thank you.
Here is some evidence of the good that the profile pic change has created;
http://www.facebook.com/nspcc/posts/129409900451942
As a survivor, I can say that this movement did make me pause for a moment. While I feel that yes, without follow through, the simple fact of changing a profile picture does not create change, I do feel it can be the first step in beginning the process.
So the question is then, how do we turn something like this into a movement? We keep talking. When December 7th rolls around, we use this as a platform for continuing our conversations. We challenge others to join us in taking action, and we do so in a manner that asks them to join us – not in a way that berates them and tells them we feel their actions were pointless.
For me, this was a new opportunity and a new direction in my healing process. Always remember,
No Act of Kindness, No Matter How small, is EVER Wasted ~ Aesop
shane Reply:
December 5th, 2010 at 9:38 pm
thank you
When I changed my profile picture, I could have sworn that my friends status had said “Change your profile picture to a cartoon you were fond of during your childhood. By monday we want to see nothing but an invasion of memories.” I remember nothing about child abuse, until I read a few other friends statuses, a couple of days later. In the meantime, I had used my status to remind people to please buy for an Angel Tree Child for this holiday season. So maybe it will help a child in an abusive household, but it will definatly benefit a child who doesn’t have much to begin with.
I believe that the facebook pictures being changed to cartoon characters inspired you to write this article, which only proves that it is doing EXACTLY what it is meant to do. Bringing awareness to the situation. It’s a shame that you have to slam the group that started it. Awareness is always the first step to fixing a problem.
June Reply:
December 5th, 2010 at 9:40 pm
That’s exactly what I was thinking! Thanks for the article I learned a lot and you included practical things I can do.
Krud Reply:
December 6th, 2010 at 12:03 am
I didn’t see this as slamming anyone, so much as reasonably questioning the scope/intent. Because yes, on the surface it is difficult to see what it will accomplish. I often have wondered this about numerous ribbon campaigns. In fact, there are so many similarly shaped ribbons that to a color-blind person such as myself it can be hard to differentiate them until you’re close enough to read the small text that usually accompanies them. However, I went ahead and changed my avatar, because I thought 1.) I couldn’t come up with an adequate reason NOT to, and 2.) While I wasn’t sure what eliminate non-cartoon avatars would accomplish, I knew that if I didn’t change mine, then they definitely wouldn’t reach whatever the goal was. And I’m glad this blog entry elaborated upon the situation. But to correlate with its title, I’d like to add: Child Abuse doesn’t look like a row of numbers or a statistical analysis, either. It’s pain, and fear, and nightmares that come true. You may say that changing one’s avatar is “the least” one could do, but no, the very least is what many people often do, which is not think about it or pay attention at all.
After reading some of this, as an adopted person who was abused. I remember the pain now, even though i thought i had forgotten. Even though i forgave and kept forgiving. Both the abuser and the abused are victims here, and the dialogue is important because the abuser may be looking and still not seeing him or herself in that light. It’s amazing how blind humans can be as it relates to self. I’m sure we can all agree with that. I would just like to do whatever i can as often as i can to heal and also to heal others.
I was beat like a dog by my mom from as far back as I could remember, maybe age three until around 12. I have scars. I don’t know what it is like to just be a kid, subsequently I am not sure what being an adult feels like. I am a person, I am somebody. It is a shame on our society that abuse is a reality, it is worse that I feel the need to validate my very existence. Statistics are recorded because abuse happens everyday and no true end is in sight, just opinion, websites and volunteers.I have scars, I don’t know what it is like to be a kid, I was a punching bag. I have scars, I was a punching bag, was… I didn’t a hand up from one living soul and my whole world knew I was being abused. My grandma, my dad, my aunts and uncles, teachers. People mumbled when I was around I didn’t count. I am scarred. I was treated as I was the guilty one. I am a person.
melissa Reply:
December 5th, 2010 at 10:30 pm
I am very, deeply sorry you were not helped as a child. I hope you find healing.
Brandi Reply:
December 6th, 2010 at 9:45 am
Tad, I was abused as well both physically and verbally when I was a child. I saw the darkest depths of people and lived in their anger and hatred. I became angry and hateful among other feelings myself for the longest time then I learned to balance myself. I still have those feelings I guess but I’ve learned to control them better now. I hope you don’t feel guilty because of the things that happened to you, because you aren’t. I completely agree with you that it is a shame that this goes on in our society behind our backs and sometimes infront of us. The people who treated you like that regardless of whether they were your family members or not are just evil and devoid of compassion. You are more than just a person, you are a name, and a face. You have a right to your thoughts and your emotions, don’t ever let anyone ever again beat you down or make you feel that way.
If the cartoon campaign hadn’t happened, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.
Carin Reply:
December 5th, 2010 at 9:49 pm
And why not? The reason this conversation is happening now is because the cartoon campaign pissed people off with its lack of direction and uselessness. Why could the originators not have done something more useful than starting a meme, which is all they really did.
As it is, I’m still not seeing much actual discussion about child abuse, even in these comments. The only people I see actually talking about child abuse are those stating their lack of faith in the cartoon meme. Instead you’re all sniping at them over whether the meme has any use. You feel dismissed for failing to do anything of import. The solution? DO SOMETHING.
It’s not the cartoon character thing per se to which I object. It’s the fact that that’s where it stopped, until the non-conformists stepped up to the empty plate.
And, yes, I was an abused child, too. Don’t think my opinion comes from ignorance of what’s at stake.
Hi Melissa,
I do understand the point you are working diligently to convey here….and I have to admit that I understand why some people may have taken the tone a bit offensively, only because I’m sure those who did post cartoon characters DID have good intentions. My perception of your blog is that you are highly passionate about this serious and tragic topic, and want so desperately to bring the “facts” to the fore front and request that people not only “think more” about this, but “act upon it” to help. Every little bit does help. Myself along with several of my family and friends DO take actions to help, we may not always post the actions we take, but we do consider ourselves advocates for several charities and worthwhile causes. I have to say that I also believe that ANY and ALL awareness we can bring to society IS helpful.
I want to thank you for posting the various links, I had a couple, but not all of them.
At the end of the day, I only hope the rest of your blog readers can understand your positive intentions in regards to this topic.
Warm regards,
Jenn
I am a child abuse survivor, and I can honestly say, I have no problem with “this silly Facebook group”. At least people are doing something that makes us all stop and think about a very important, and very disturbing, reality in our world. There was no harm intended, and bashing the whole idea is simply doing nothing to help the situation. I agree, we should all DO something to make a difference for abused and neglected children. But the way you have attacked this group is not the way to affect change. Why not come up with your own group on Facebook and list all the ways people can help this cause on your group page? Positive ideas are always more effective than negative bashing. “You can catch more bees with honey than vinegar”…
The mistake this poster makes is believing that those who have changed their profile picture are uninformed. In fact, I work in law enforcement and am not only informed, but have an up close and personal relationship with the horrors of child abuse. My mom was a victim of sexual, physical and verbal abuse and she took part in the profile picture change.
No, the changing of pictures is not doing anything proactive to help these little ones. But I did it for the same reason I would pull over when I see a funeral procession, post a status update in memory and support of our military, or write on the wall of a friend who has passed away. Out of respect and memory of those children who have braved so much. In honor of them, and with hope that their suffering will not continue.
People who wish to go further with their support and take action, that’s their preference. But I will NOT attack anyone who simply changes a picture in support of millions of faceless children. And I will not point fingers to say they are not proactive, when I do not know that to be a fact.
Thank you for proving that the profile pictures worked in ONE way: they prompted you to post this article, demonstrating what can be done for those children.
i thought this Facebook campaign was very silly myself. what exactly does changing your profile picture to a cartoon character DO to help child abuse? absolutely nothing. and if the goal was awareness, my question is, who on earth is not aware that child abuse is occurring? someone with their head up their you-know-where? if they had worded it differently, it may have made more sense, such as, “in HONOR of child abuse victims.” but, you are right, real help is what is needed. i used to donate stuffed animals to a thrift store that supplied them to police officers that gave them to children that had been sexually molested, until they ended that program. thank you for your practical pointers on how to help.
Annie is totally right. I planned to say as much on my wall and then decided instead to pay homage to the other television images that distracted me from the adult loud arguing and yelling or those funny shows that kept me from realizing that I was too young to be home alone and would be for the next several hours. By shaming those of us who choose to participate, you are standing on righteous indignation. Now you are doing the same thing that you accuse us of doing– trivializing the complexity of each of our childhood experiences (if less than ideal). As an advocate you should know that the issue is deeper than cartoon characters. However if some of us deeply value those childhood saviors, there is nothing trivial about that.
I couldn’t have said it better myself. Honestly earlier in the week people were changing their profiles to cartoons just to be doing it…it was some “let’s go back to the past” and then somewhere along the middle of the week it became a stand against child abuse. I don’t know how that works…but changing your facebook profile will not stop child abuse.
You’re trying to make an argument out of this, really?
What about everyone who “walks for a cure” for cancer? They walk to show their support, as are everyone who changes their profile picture on Facebook.
And as much as some people would hate to admit it, money doesn’t solve anything. Yes, we could all donate $10… but would that stop abuse from happening? Afraid not. Support doesn’t come in just the form of money.
I would personally like to know how much money you’ve donated to this cause, and show me the affect it had… then you might just have a valid argument.
Guess everyone needs something to complain about.
Carin Reply:
December 5th, 2010 at 9:58 pm
Walk for a Cure campaigns raise money, as well as awareness, to fund cancer research. Changing one’e profile pic and then doing nothing more makes the account holder feel like they did something, when, in fact, they did not. That’s the difference, and the problem.
Change your profile pic to a cartoon if you like. Just don’t stop there and think you’ve done anything to change the world.
melissa Reply:
December 5th, 2010 at 10:27 pm
Tiffany -
Would you like to know how much time and money I donate to charity in general, or specific to child abuse prevention and awareness?
I think that any activity that brings awareness to Child Abuse is worthwhile. Incendiary blog entries however do nothing more than mock the good intentions of others, and isn’t that abusive as well?
melissa Reply:
December 5th, 2010 at 10:26 pm
Karen -
I am not being incendiary, abusive, or mocking. I am asking people to do more. Simply, to just do more.
Thank you for this post. I, too, was wondering what the point was of all the changed pictures. I haven’t seen any conversations started about child abuse in my FB community. I hope to have changed that by posting a link to this piece. I will be donating to a crisis nursery in my area, and I challenged my friends to do the same. I don’t doubt the intentions of the commenters here, but I know that it takes information, not just changing a picture to make a difference outside of my computer. Again, thanks for the worthwhile, well-researched article.
Mama Mo´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday
melissa Reply:
December 5th, 2010 at 10:25 pm
Hi Mamma Mo -
Thanks for your supportive comment, but more so, thank you for your action!!
The reason I changed my profile pic and indulged in this meme was the opportunity to bring awareness to Hollie Greig and her story. Please take a moment to google her and listen/read with an open mind. Thanks.
melissa Reply:
December 5th, 2010 at 10:24 pm
Hi Alan -
I just read Hollie’s story, thank you for making me aware of her heinous experience. I truly, deeply hope children like her were in some measurable way helped and supported this weekend.
After reading your post and then reading through the comments, I decided that it certainly wouldn’t harm anyone were I to change my profile picture to a cartoon character for a few days; but far more relevant and useful was to then copy your list of easy, practical, and truly helpful things individuals can do to actually assist children in distress. (I credited your blog.) A few people have now commented on the list, rather than on the cartoon picture, so thanks for reminding a small group of us how to do more than simply Raise Awareness by taking it to the next, higher, level.
melissa Reply:
December 5th, 2010 at 10:22 pm
Thank you, Catherine. And thank you for starting a meaningful conversation and for creating a space for tangible change.
What I think you seem to be glaringly unaware of is that the change to cartoon characters started weeks ago, NOT associated with any cause.
I’d say about half my friends who did change their avatar did so before somebody decided to co-opt this trend and make it about their pet cause. So at that point, it was like saying “Wear jeans tomorrow to support (insert favorite cause). You’ll look like you’re getting more support, simply because you glommed onto something that was -already- popular.
I’m a child abuse survivor, and did not remove my own cartoon avatar when the cause bandwagon came around. My choice, though certainly I’m under no illusions that I’m “doing” anything. Most of those on my friends list also changed theirs before the cause was attached.
Just be sure, before you start wagging your finger in someone’s face, that you have not falsely attributed their reasons for their actions.
I was abused, didn’t change my picture and won’t.
I agree that we should support those who need our help, make a stand, say something. I wish it would have happend for me. But when I spoke for myself not one person believed me or did a single thing about it. So to me, I believe people should start with the phone number to a help line or maybe change their status to “I believe and will stand with you” not lets post a cartoon so we can think about our great childhood memories while those abused can just think about their abuse. I appreciate the thought and know that the intent was good but how many of those who changed their picture know an abused child and have done nothing to help them? Serious question, think about it? How many times have you walked by a parent slapping their kid or calling them stupid etc and have kept walking? Oh well, I’m just going to slap on my cartoon face and that child will know I’m here to help. BAH That child just thinks your an asshole and digs themselves deeper in the the hole they already live in, maybe thinks about killing themselves or worse yet, your child!
Yes, I was also victim, but to the somewhat lesser trauma of “attempted abuse” (and if you don’t know, let me help, “attempted sexual assault”, while leaving no physical scars, can leave some heavy mental ones). For my part, all I can say is, while I understand that people want to show that they’re against abuse, I’m like,
“of course you are, who openly advocates abusing or assaulting children?”
The “Signs” pdf is cool, but I can also say that a child’s reaction is going to vary wildly from one ethnic/cultural/racial group to another. After telling a parent about the attempted assault I was told that it was “impossible” because the guy was married. I never wanted to let anyone else know because I didn’t want to embarrass the family, didn’t want to make my trauma to become public. So I was a “man” and kept my mouth shut.
So what helps, if cartoon characters and textbook info doesn’t? Talking. Finding out that there were others who had gone thorough this too. Not feeling alone. Does that stop abuse? Not really, but it means something for someone going through it. So yes, supporting those organizations that are “on the ground”, the ones that are designed to help kids, are critical. The obvious signs, the bruises, the obvious emotional disturbance, that can and should be investigated, but half the reason kids runaway is that they know proving certain kinds of abuse is difficult. Trust me, no matter what the numbers say, the reality is higher. If you help runaways, if you help kids who are suicidal, if you help kids who use drugs, trust me, you’re helping kids who’ve been abused.
melissa Reply:
December 5th, 2010 at 10:58 pm
Hi Neil -
Oh gosh, there are so many things your comment stirs up for me. Thank you for making your voice heard here. I am sorry for what you experienced as a child.
I’m doing some research now for a post I started earlier this week about a 4 year old girl who was raped in the Twin Cities by her babysitter neighbor. Her mother did believe her and took her to the hospital and the man was arrested, but there are many elements to the story that could have turned it and have had a tragic outcome like yours. Please be watching for the post (sometime this coming week) and at the very least, I hope it does justice for you. You have strength in your suvivorship.
[...] my exact sentiment about the whole thing, expressed way more eloquently on the blog, Redefine Girly yesterday. I urge you to read their post. It’s way better written and less self-absorbed and [...]
To the author, I would just like to say that while I do understand your offense the the FB group and changing pictures, I beg of you to look at it from a standpoint that someone else has…At least people are acknowledging that child abuse is a problem. I’m not saying that the people who created the group did what they should have done, in terms of posting info, etc, but the fact that the vast majority of my friends, and myself included have changed our pictures should speak volumes and show the human interest in the subject. But you ask what happens on Dec. 7th? The same thing that happens on Dec. 2nd (the day after World AIDS Day)…society as a whole goes back to what they were doing before. Is it right? Of course not. But that doesn’t change the fact that just for a little space in time, people took a stand. If you want people to be more interested and take a more serious interest in fighting child abuse, perhaps you shouldn’t bash those who attempted a small act of kindness, but lend your assistance in them taking the next step. Did you bother to post info on the group page? Did you make your voice heard on FB aside from telling everyone how upset you are with the campaign? Have you bothered reading the wall post on the group page to see what the members are talking about?
You can’t please everyone all the time, but if you don’t speak up, how can you be heard?
melissa Reply:
December 5th, 2010 at 10:51 pm
I’m not upset or offended. I’m asking people to do more than simply change a picture. I did not post to the group’s page because I personally did not “like”, or Fan, their page. I do not associate myself nor my business with annonymous people on the internet.
I am not trashing what they are doing, I am saying it is short sighted and am encouraging people to DO more.
I believe with the amount of times my blog piece has been shared, commented on, tweeted, retweeted, and reposted that my voice has been heard.
I agree with you, wholly (Author, Melissa). I think anyone who thinks otherwise is in denial. There is no PC when it comes to child abuse, and there is no alternative to action. I think that people really don’t understand what “awareness” is, and how it’s properly used. You raise awareness for diseases. Like Katie Couric did for colon cancer when she had a colonoscopy on the air. You spread information about breast cancer so that women can do self-exams, find lumps early and potentially save lives. You buy all that cute pink breast cancer awareness stuff because a PORTION OF THE PROCEEDS GOES TO BENEFIT CANCER RESEARCH AND PREVENTION. Sorry for the caps, but I can’t believe we have to even explain this. I can’t believe society is so jaded that we’ve convinced ourselves that our little FB status updates could possibly help a child of abuse. I was immensely proud today… One of my friends on FB posted a link to this blog on her page. We’ve also begun to post links to government agencies and foundations where someone can volunteer or donate.
You “raise awareness” to prevent hypotheticals and educate. You warn children about strangers, to raise their awareness. Telling other adults about child abuse doesn’t do anything for a child who is being abused unless you’re donating to local agencies and groups who directly help that child.
I was abused (not sexually) both physically and emotionally – and the author is right. I was faceless. He did his best to make me into nothing. People knew (there’s that awareness thing) and they turned their heads. Every time I saw that status update, it was like another person turning their head. What good are you doing? Talk is cheap. FB status updates are cheaper. DO SOMETHING.
melissa Reply:
December 5th, 2010 at 10:44 pm
Thank you, Sonnet. I appreciate your voice being here.
The only one here I respect is Jules and not because we agree, because jules understood its meaning. Do you know what abuse looks like first hand? Do you? Were you ever a abused child? NO you weren’t let me tell u something.. As a person who lived that pain day in day out anything done to help a child no matter if it has “websites” or not does not go in vain. I am so tired of you buppies and yuppies who have no idea of the horror or pain handing down your judgment to the ignorant, hateful and weak willed and expect it to be law. I only wish that some one had done this in a social setting to let me know that getting the crap kicked out of me by my father wasn’t NORMAL. I wish some one had done this in my life time to remind him he was once a child and the cruelty of what he was doing was just that cruelty. I got a phone call from my sister about this something none of us knew or could even show, she picked up my father’s evil trait and when surrounded by this sea of memories before the pain began in our lives it broke her, said it scared her to the very core. HOW’S THAT FOR RESULTS? Immediately asked her to explain her self she sobbed loudly I had my husband call a family member on another phone to get those children out of that house. One life is just as good as the next , everything doesn’t have to be on display or have a website or even have a name, if one act can save one child by getting that parent to open up enough to let some one in so be it. So judge all you want, call us “silly girls all you want” its apparent your living through some one else’s pain and claim your self righteous anyway do what you need to do to give purpose to your empty ignorant minds and calloused hearts. This act started dialogue and saved children in the process. May not be as many as your blessed facts and figures , may not be on terms you can wrap your already pre-programed,hateful, juvenille minds around, but it has. Thing before you speak and or blog about something you have NOT endured
melissa Reply:
December 5th, 2010 at 10:43 pm
Samantha -
I am a survivor of sexual abuse and sexual assault. I didn’t talk about it in the post because this isn’t about me.
Reading these replies to this post has made me realize how far outside of reality most people live. The whole idea to change your profile pic to raise awareness, in and of itself, is kind of pointless… Here is one example as to why:
Up until an hour ago, I had no idea why any of my friends changed their profile picture to a cartoon, because I have a life outside of Facebook and don’t hang onto everything that goes on. When I see a picture of a cartoon (not accompanied by any words that speak against child abuse) I don’t think cartoon –> children –> child abuse –> how awful!; I think, “oh I used to love She-ra!” If people want to raise awareness, instead of posting a picture, why don’t you actually put a status update concerning child abuse along with that picture change? Point being, almost nobody did.
Now, the BIG point I want to make here is that, if you don’t ALREADY know about this picture change thing then the picture changes mean nothing to you and nothing has been done for the cause of stopping child abuse… because if you do know about it then you’ve already been aware of child abuse, and it also means nothing extra to you (because you already know)… this is why a simple picture change is nearly equivalent to taking no effort… the only reason I found out was because someone posted an update pointing out how pointless it was… So I guess that in itself raised awareness… but not the actual act of profile picture changing. This is equivalent to people posting ambiguous status updates to raise awareness of breast cancer… which also meant nothing except to those who already knew about it… meaning that it had no impact.
Not to get snippy…. but come on people, don’t knock this blog post because it points out the major flaw in this whole Facebook child abuse awareness thing. Melissa has made an excellent point, which to me seems to be, if not accompanied by words the picture changes don’t mean a thing and therefore don’t do a thing. Now all you lovely people who have done something beyond a picture change- such as say… a status update, you’ve done something in the vein of raising awareness.
melissa Reply:
December 5th, 2010 at 10:42 pm
Thanks Crystal.
Hi Melissa,
You seem very angry about this. I don’t get it. You must have told us 3 times how you spent 90 seconds…” In addition to sharing information ALL day long, I donated from my family’s finances http://www.mystuffbags.org that provides the dignity of personal belongings to kids ripped from their homes with none of their familiar and loved things. It took me 90 seconds, about the same amount of time it takes to change a profile photo.” Good for you!
You have now spent more time criticizing others and defending your original blog than you did to “donate from your family’s finances.” Just like the rest of us who simply changed our picture to show awareness.
Like others I found your blog condescending. Did you also ask your facebook friends why they are not DOING somthing instead of talking about it?
Now go across the street and tell that kids parents that you wont put up with them abusing their kid anymore…then i’ll jump on your bandwagon.
melissa Reply:
December 5th, 2010 at 10:41 pm
Hi Marine Boy -
I’m not angry. I just don’t like slacktivism. I’m not criticizing anyone, I’m asking people to do more. I DID ask my Facebook friends and the people in my business community to do more.
And I DID go across the street, twice actually, to stop the child abuse and neglect I saw taking place. I sat with my neighbor girl in the freezing cold night, my jacket around her shoulders, until the three police officers I called were able to wake up her sleeping parents who had locked her out for the night. Then again this summer when I had to run into traffic to grab and save their baby boy walking down the middle of the road. I called CPS four times, the Police Department three times, the school, and parents from one of the girl’s classrooms. I havn’t followed up in a while now because the father was arrested.
Are you on my bandwagon now?
Uhm, What does changing your picture to a cartoon do to condone child abuse?… Apparently it started this conversation, seems to be raising awareness. Seems to be doing what was intended. Raising awareness of a serious topic can be fun. Why belittle people who are having fun on their FB pages?
Thank you for this thoughtful blog post. I didn’t see it as a lecture at all. The facebook movement was a wonderful chance you took to raise your voice about an important issue. My two sisters and I are adult survivors of child abuse. Our situation unfortunately went undiscovered. I think of the probably 100 adults that were regularly in our circle of influence as children. Three girls. Three sets of symptoms. 45+ cumulative years of observation. No one noticed. No one said a thing. No one helped us. And when you’re a kid, you don’t have the cognitive skills to go get help for yourself even if you know you need it. We survived, but darnit, we could’ve used someone to go to bat for us. Because of your blog, I just donated. Your words made a difference, Melissa.
melissa Reply:
December 5th, 2010 at 10:35 pm
Andrea -
Well, now I’m all teary. I would have gone to bat for you and your sisters and taken you into my home and shown you love. You have strength in survivorship. Brava.
by publishing these statistics you are aware of the irony that you are proving the point that these campaigns DO promote awareness, just saying.
melissa Reply:
December 5th, 2010 at 10:33 pm
You are aware of the irony that I was motivated to write this post not because of the 3 day campaign, but because of the absolute LACK of conversation or action I saw taking place.
How on earth can you say “I don’t see any real change”? You do not personally follow the lives of each person that changes their pic. If everyone has thought recently about the topic of child abuse, and they run into something they suspect isn’t right, chances are they will be more likely to at least report it. Reporting has increased so much recently! People might say child abuse is increasing but it’s not, it has always been like this and now people know, recognise it, and do something about it, even if it is just tell the authorities. There will be a flow on effect in time – more resources, more groups that help, more laws, more support. The fact that more abuse is being reported IS a real change. Would you have posted these links if no such “silly” group existed??
How do you know what we’ve done to help promote ending childhood abuse?? After doing the FUN cartoon profile pic change…because it’s fun to remember my childhood cartoons, I went and googled more about this FB event to see why people thought doing this would help promote ending violence against children. Besides drawing attention to the cause, this puts it best: “Cartoons opens your mind to a place where you can let your imagination run wild and is an escape for kids as its a happy place”
Is that a bad thing? Boo hiss to this blog post.
Ok i agree that if the cartoon campaign hadn’tve happened we wouldn’t be talking about child abuse. but I believe that after the initial tremour of this dies down. it will be forgotten and the children who are in need will be no better off just because someone remembered they liked batman as a kid. if these facebook campaigns actually led to something more, like a massive surge in foster carers, police checks, and welfare checkups then you can say it is a success. but replacing your picture with a cartoon is just a Quick bandaid fixup that only slightly covers the true horrendousness of this problem.
I quickly and thoughtlessly changed my FB profile to Wonder Woman because someone I respected had changed hers to She-Ra. I had mulled over Betty of the Flintstones, Tweety Bird and others…only later did I start to think about the ways in which I had been abused–not as bad as others, but still painful. And suddenly I felt so happy that I had chosen Wonderwoman, because to me it means that I have healed somewhat and that I see myself as powerful. So I am glad I went along …it had an unexpected silver lining.
FIRST OFF. I WAS A ABUSED CHILD! BEATEN AND RAPED.I CHANGED MY PROFILE PICTURE TO A CARTOON MEMORY. ONE I ENJOYED DURING THOSE DARK MOMENTS OF MY CHILDHOOD.NOOO I DID NOT POST CRAP ABOUT ME OR WHAT HAPPEN TO OTHERS.THIS DID SPREAD AWARENESS MORE THAN WHAT YOU THINK. I FOUND YOUR BLOG OFFENSIVE IN ALOT OF WAYS.THOSE CARTOON CHARACTERS BELIEVE IT OR NOT MAY HAVE BROUGHT A TON OF JOYESS MEMORIES FOR THOSE WHO HAD SUFFERED FROM THIS SUCH AS MYSELF.WHY DOES THINGS NEED TO BE SO BLOWN OUT OF PROPORTION. MOST PEOPLE REPLIED TO THE POST THAT WAS GOING AROUND AND REPOSTED IT ALONG WITH THEIR CARTOON CHARACTOR.WHAT YOU DO OUTSIDE OF FACEBOOK MATTERS MORE.I WORK WITH MANY CHILDREN WITH SPECIAL NEEDS AND YES I’VE SEEN A TON OF ABUSE. I WALK MY TALK.ANOTHER THING IT’S JUST FACEBOOK AND SOME RUN WITH IT AND SOME DON’T. I THINK THERE ARE BIGGER THINGS TO ACTUALLY DO THEN JUST BLOG ABOUT IT.MY PERSONAL OPINION COMING FROM THE VERY PLACE PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SUPPORT IN THEIR OWN SIMPLE WAY.
I challenged my friends to do something more than JUST change their profile picture and post the status update and it almost started a war. So I deleted it and started posting links to charities that raise funds to help abused children, the local child abuse task force so the locals could donate their time AND money, and told the others who aren’t local how to find their own local child abuse task force to volunteer at.
melissa Reply:
December 6th, 2010 at 7:36 am
Shannon -
Thank you for making meaningful and tangible efforts this weekend.
I would like to make one argument.
Twilight.
Thank you very much, that is all.
“Silly?”…really?! Raising AWARENESS for a problem that many often turn a blind eye to, or don’t even see in the first place, is silly? So, do you also consider wearing red ribbons for AIDS awareness or pink ones for cancer awareness just as silly?…despite what’s been fostered and generated for programs and research because of them??
I’m proudly participating in the cartoon character Facebook campaign. Given its origin, it’s not too surprising that it’s unorganized. People might not be posting deep conversations about the subject on friend’s walls, but don’t discount what goes on behind the scenes (private emails, personal conversations, etc.), what an individual or group might be propelled to do, and what bigger things may come from the idea.
If you’re going to complain about something, complain about child abuse itself, and NOT the fact that a “silly” idea is attempting to gain societal awareness for the issue. As diminutive as the approach may seem to you, you’re not gaining much ground in insulting and ranting about those who are on your side when it comes to the atrocities at hand.
It inspired me to make a financial donation to an organization that helps women and children flee abusive partners, and make a new life for themselves. It inspired me to read more about the situations women find themselves in when victimized, and in turn find their children abused and they become too afraid to leave. It made me make a connection.
I assume, given the viscious spouting of facts, that you have made a contribution yourself, even though you don’t mention it.
My foster sister was an abused child before she came to live with us. I already give a monthly donation to NSPCC and I know for a fact that many of my friends that have changed their profile picture have also joined the NSPCC Facebook page and have donated to the cause. So if it’s OK with you, we will keep our new avatars until midnight.
melissa Reply:
December 6th, 2010 at 7:34 am
Rachel -
I didn’t mention it because this post isn’t about me. But yes, you can assume correctly, I did in fact donate this weekend to http://www.mystuffbags.org, an organization that provides children with personal items after they have had to be stripped from their homes without the dignity of their own clothes and security items like a beloved blanket or stuffed animal.
That’s just fine with me if you keep your picture up until midnight. Thank you for your continued support to NSPCC – certainly your donations have helped many a child.
I had a conversation on my fb wall about how triggery this whole meme thing might be to other abuse survivors on my list and that actually did start some good conversations online and off. The conversations were about and from survivors of abuse and how triggery, alienating and dehumanizing the meme was. Why wouldn’t I change my profile pic? because while I might do activism and work to help end child abuse I personally don’t want to think of my abuser every time I go to facebook.
An interesting idea did come out of it though – what if all of the abuse survivors – child abuse, sexual abuse, domestic abuse – what if all of these survivors changed their icon, helped people to see how close to them this cause really was. How many of their close friends and relatives may have gone through it. That could not only push people into action (volunteering, donating, lobbying) but also shows survivors that they aren’t alone and helps create a community of people with a shared experience that is normally hidden under so much shame. Maybe that could help not only the current victims of abuse, but the survivors as well.
melissa Reply:
December 6th, 2010 at 7:32 am
Emchy –
THAT is a real campaign and THAT would raise awareness. I think most friend circles would be shocked at how many people so close to them have been affected by one or more forms of abuse. Child abuse is a system that hides behind facelessness and thrives off voicelessness, and your idea strips it of both. It is highly unfortunate that this weekend was a trigger for the very abuse victims it was trying to support.
Thank you not only for your continued, meaningful work, but also for carrying on meaningful conversations that sparked some truly tangible ideas and point of action.
I agree and disagree, let me first say that I agree simply changing a profile picture does little for those fragile lives affected by abuse, and a tag should have been included to explain why each individual chose to change the pic, and a link to “more information” for those who seek it! However, this subject is not swept under the rug as it once was (the stats posted prove that) So I diagree in the opinion that those who have change their pic’s do NOTHING else but make this “silly” gesture! Personally, I have donated for the last 15 yrs or more to The united Way, gifting my donations to women and children shelters (victims of serious abuse) No matter how the movement was started, the fact is that it has started! Like so many other causes, a moment of awareness in ones life, the proverbial snowballing affect can have major results! So horray for those who have participated in good faith, and with honest and pure intentions!!! and boooo hisss to those who judge others w/o all the facts!!!! I think this blog has merit but could have certainly been shared with a little more tact
)
As a victim I appreciate any validation for the pain I indured as a sexually abused child…nobody paid attention..they swept it under the rug to spare embarrasment..no therapy or support..just survival…thank you, from me to you..as a result.of all of this..it’s sending a message..as far as the potential for this coming from a group of pedophiles…Dear God..help them..Please.
There are many worthwhile causes and charities all desperately needing our attention and donations. My ex was National Fundraising Manger for the children’s charity, Barnardos, so I know one of the greatest challenges facing charities is that of Raising Awareness.
The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children’s (NSPCC)) ‘Full Stop’ campaign cost more in the short and medium term than it brought in in revenue – yet it was deemed a success. Why? Because of raised awareness. People volunteered. People committed to small regular donations. People THOUGHT, if only for a short while.
If 99.99% of those who changed their pics do nothing, then 0.01% will have made a contribution, in whatever way. That is a contribution that would not otherwise have been made. If just one person thinks about the child on the school run with the bruises or the frightened, timid demeanour and they raise it with a teacher or social worker, then it is a success.
During this holiday season, there will be many charity volunteers rattling tins. If by raising awareness on facebook just ONE person donates that wouldn’t have, if just a few people donate a little bit more than they otherwise might, it has worked.
I personally know of 3 people, 4 if you include me, who will contribute because of this.
“Peanuts”, you might say. “What good will that do?” I don’t know, but it has to be better than nothing.
Too many people see the glass as half empty. Anything in the glass is better than nothing .. and the fact that people are having fun whilst raising awareness of a serious matter does nothing to diminish their contribution.
As Tami’s link shows, the NSPCC is grateful that awareness is being raised on a social network.
[...] so lucky, and encouraged to give back whenever possible throughout the year. As I watch the Facebook discussions/arguments on the slacktivism inherent in fighting child abuse by changing your profile picture, and the television coverage of [...]
[...] And slowly, slowly, people quicker on the keyboard than I started getting angry and responding. Said one blogger (Melissa writing for Redefine Gurly): [...]
[...] abuse doesn’t look like Batman or [...]