Yeah, you read that correctly. They really exist. 

I know, my head exploded, too. If ever three words did not belong together, they would be it.

Here’s the back story, in case you haven’t heard: A new store named Kids N Teen opened a couple of weeks ago in the Greeley Mall in Colorado. A mom and her 7 year old daughter were shopping there when they came upon crotchless and thong panties, in children’s sizes. Nick McGurk from Channel 9 has a great report here.

We’re going to hear directly from the mom and her little girl in a bit, specifically about the moment when one of the store owners, a man around 40 years old, told the 7 year old girl the price of the crotchless panties and asked if she wanted a pair. Yes, you read that correctly. I know, my head exploded, too.

I was told about two conversations had by two different people with one of the owners of the shop, who justified the selling of crotchless panties in children’s sizes with this:

1. Approximately 25% of their inventory is dedicated to teens.

2. Parents take their teens shopping at Victoria’s Secret, and Victoria’s Secret carries them.

Putting aside the argument that crotchless panties are not appropriate for teens shopping at Kids N Teen, and the small detail that the legal age for consent is 18 years old….I wanted to check up on the Victoria’s Secret claim, because crotchless panties are usually considered an adult bedroom novelty and NOT sold at places like Victoria’s Secret. They are sold in sex shops. And, apparently, Kids N Teen.

So I called my local Victoria’s Secret — nope, they do not carry crotchless panties and never have.

Next I called the Victoria’s Secret in the Greeley Mall, just down the way from Kids N Teen. (Also, I told a little white lie…)

Victoria’s Secret salesperson: “Hello, Victoria’s Secret. Can I help you?”

Me: “Hi, I have a bachelorette party this weekend, and I’m in charge of buying the bride some racy panties. Do you carry anything like, um, crotchless panties?”

VS: “No. We don’t carry items like that. We have lingerie and thongs, but those are usually found at a place like Spencer’s Gifts, or maybe like a novelty shop. Usually the really racy things like crotchless panties or edible panties are at the novelty shops.”

Me: “Oh, I see. ‘Novelty shop’, do you mean like a sex shop? But nowhere in the mall would carrystuff like that?”

VS: “No, probably not. Usually you have to go to a novelty shop for those kind of racier items.”

Me: “Huh. Okay, this is the weirdest phone call I’ve ever made. Thanks so much for your help.”

I’m not really in the market for crotchless panties, but now I know I can get them at sex shops. Or, Kids N Teen, right across from the toddler play space, if I live in Greeley Colorado.

I am sending someone to the store today to confirm the crotchless panties are gone. I hear they are still selling the thongs. They are hanging next to the animal-print strappy heels in children’s sizes, and the slinky bathrobes.

If the owners of Kids N Teen ever answer their phone, I’ve got a list of questions for them, including who manufactures kiddie crotchless panties, why Kids N Teen purchased and stocked them, and why Kids N Teen is attempting to sell them to minors.

I’m going to go scrub my eyeballs now.

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