Fearless.

We had about an inch of fresh snow this morning, which was exciting considering our non-winter has been full of days with non-snow.

The kids marched across the field that leads into the school yard, Amelia calling out to her girlfriend wearing the cupcake hat bouncing a few paces in front of us. Benny was smashing his boots into the snow, delighted at the footprints he was leaving.

We came to the big oak tree we pass under to round the corner onto the back side of the playground that leads up to the door where the kindergartners line up. Every day of this school year Benny and I have walked Amelia to her line, kissed her nose, and told her to have a great day with her friends at school. Most mornings I stand and chat with the other moms, many of us holding mugs of warm coffee as we try to prepare for another day of mommyhood. But most mornings I’m just watching to make sure my baby gets into school safely, and quietly smile as her head of dark, messy hair turns the corner to go down the kindergarten hallway and have the privilege of another day of learning.  

But not this morning.

“Mom! You don’t have to go any further. Just wait here.” -Amelia

“You don’t want us to walk with you to the doors?” -Me.

“No, just give me a hug quick. I can go by myself.” -Amelia

And I wanted to burst into tears. Wasn’t it just yesterday she was still in my belly, my office mate and I laughing over the hiccups she seemed to get every morning at 10am? Wasn’t it just yesterday she wrapped her tiny arms around my neck, and balanced herself in a standing position for the first time as I got her dressed? Wasn’t it just yesterday she had taken her first steps, wildly clapping for herself? How had she gotten so big, so quickly?

“Are you sure? Benny and I can walk…..” -Me

“Yep. Gimme a hug. I’m outta here.” -Amelia, turning to go before I even hugged her.

“Wait!! Wait, I need to give you a hug. And a big kiss. A big kiss for my Smoochy Moochy.” -Me, smothering her face in kisses as I tried to fight back tears. I guess this day was here.

“Okay, see ya. No monkey business from you two. Listen for the bell and then line up. I’ll see you after school.” -Me

It was surreal to see my big girl, my kindergartner, walking across the wide schoolyard on her own in her bright raspberry coat with her girlfriend, their faces turned to each other, having the kind of conversation that girls do in their own spaces. Amelia never looked back over her shoulder. She was confident in where she was going, and how to get there.

 Then the corner of my mouth turned up in a wicked little smile, as I realized the girl that Amelia was walking with was the notorious Runner, the first girl in their class to get her card flipped to a Red Warning because during the first week of school during milk break the girl had decided to run to her home not far from school to play pirates.

I have no idea what the conversation was about between Amelia and her little friend on that first morning she finished walking to school by herself. I just hope it was some sort of grand adventure being plotted by two minds who seem to be fearless about the world they are growing up in.

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