My husband and I are some of those “hypervigilant parents” as described in the article from the New York Times. You know, we encourage our daughter to play with toys that help her develop as a whole person, and this includes math and science skills. Neither my husband nor I deem math and science to be “boy subjects”. We have not bought into the gender stereotypes being sold to our girl, and she is a better person for it. Her interests are diverse and her imagination knows no bounds. She is a science and mermaid loving, glitter-sparkle shoe wearing, mud puddle jumping first grader who likes to walk through grave yards and never met a lip gloss she didn’t like.
During these six years of her childhood, I’ve never had to prod or plead with my husband to play with her. He just does it. Why? Because he is her father. He doesn’t find her dolls or tubs of plastic whales or tea sets or art projects or dinosaur towns or puzzles or Legos boring. She is his daughter. She is his world.
Most of the dads I know are engaged, hands-on papas who share responsibilities around the house, share in the care of the children, run errands, and are generally great with their kids. My husband doesn’t get a ticker tape parade when he bathes the children, makes dinner, or washes the dishes. He is my partner, I expect his involvement in these things.
While my husband may not sit down to a fancy tea and little cakes on his own, when Amelia asks him to play he happily obliges. Benny is fast to be in on the action, too. And I’ve never had an issue playing blocks or Legos or pirates or cars with Benny. I’m not sure when we started thinking of the sexes and separate species, but somehow I’ve found a way to make excellent fake explosion noises and I am one fierce pirate, let me tell you.
During the discussion on the PPBB facebook page the NYT article was described several times over as a “steaming pile of crap”. I agree. It was unclear from the article what the Mattel psychologist and the NYT writer deemed “man territory”, but my husband sees the whole world as open to his children. I think someone from our community (waves to Julie Smith) said it perfectly, “Clearly, they are jumping on the ‘girl power’ bandwagon without really understanding what it is really all about.”
My husband gets what it is all about. This is what it looks like when fathers play with their daughters, no Pantone 219 or marketing gimmicks needed.
7 Responses to “Fathers Playing Toys With Daughters”
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I have some of the exact same photos of Gabbergirl with her Superdad. I couldn’t ask for a better partner and father of my children. I have never understood the obsession with segregating boys and girls for play when they do so wonderfully play together!
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That’s my husband, too. That’s called being a dad. It doesn’t require pink construction equipment because he’s already taught Sparky about his real tools. He bathed her and changed her diaper as a baby, he does her hair now that she’s older and it’s down to her waist (he does a mean crown braid), and he’a co-leader in her new Girl Scout troop. He helps her with her science kit and her math homework, and reads her bedtime stories about princesses, adventures, or whatever she’s into that day. And when she’s older, she’ll have a great example of how a man should treat her (assuming she’ll be interested in men) and how a father should be with his children. No limits, no gimmicks.
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Oh this made me smile and think of my dad and I when I was little
While he wasn’t big with the household chores (my parents are quite gender-specific when it came to stuff like that) he was my #1 playmate as a kid. We’d wrestle, build with Duplos and Erector Sets, go on walks in the woods, have popcorn and movie nights and play Pretty Pretty Princess. And it’s not because of marketing or toy aisles, it’s because he’s a great dad.
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When my niece was little the daycare asked her father if he “Played rough” with her. THey had two issues with her. One she had bruises on shins – just like her Mommy. The other was she was not only rough and tumble but would do things that were beyond the average kid her age on the play ground. Her grandmother runs an dance studio and she has been in Dance and movement classes since she was 2 or 3.
They were told she was fine, and to please let her do things she was capable of
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Love, Love LOVE this post. My teen/daughter was rotating tires and refilling fluids with her dad this week, and I thought of all the times I wish my dad had ‘been there’ much less ‘done that’ to help w/basic life skills (military man/intell community; very cerebral/competitive/gender divided/trad approach to boy/girl roles and play and I still recall the rare photo opp of him playing ‘Snoopy and the Red Baron’ with me w/his 6’4 long legged frame on the floor…absolutely cherish it!)
Today’s dads rock. To me, the NYT post is not remotely tapped into reality of play patterns and ‘real dads today’…It’s more about Mattel serving up monetization methods, favoring outdated gender prompts to try to earn cred in perceived barrier breakthroughs.
The ‘hyper vigilant’ NYT line is horsefeathers too, as STEM enthusiasm is a ‘market correction’ response to an altered state of dumbing down of retail offerings that negate experiential play in favor of touch me not/princess pablum.
We wouldn’t have to push STEM so hard if marketers didn’t narrowcast the toys to begin with. Fess up, Mattel. Industry is once again trying to be part of a solution to a problem they created in the first place. Truly irksome.
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I’m a single mom of 3. I raised 2 boys and 1 girl. I taught them all how to play dress up as mommies, daddies, and super heroes. I coached them in T-Ball, swimming, and soccer. We played house, threw the football, built tall wooden block buildings, dug up worms, chased bugs and smelled the flowers. We baked, and did chores together. I was so happy to play ALL kinds of girl/boy games and build their imagination.
I’m a Nana of 8 now, and my 2 sons and my son in law are amazing fathers and totally engaged in their daughters’ and sons’ play time. The girls are into super heros, playing monsters, tea parties, designing and building fairy houses, bugs, hikes, swimming, soccer, running fast and climbing high. The boys love books, dressing up as drs and super heroes, drawing, cooking, hiking, snuggling or wrestling w/Mom & Dad. They’re crazy wild or sweetly gentle.
I’m so proud of the dads and the mom I raised, and the partners they chose! I know their children will be wonderful parents, too.
Dads are SO very important, but if there isn’t one available, then Moms can raise kids “Full of Awesome” on their own…..and usually do
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Perfection. If I could share a photo of my husband with my 8-year-old girl, it would be the one of the two of them in helmets with (plastic foam padded) swords, having a battle.
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