Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Pigtails Pals was launched almost three years ago with the idea that girls needed to be presented with more positive imagery and messages on apparel. I wanted images showing girls doing smart, daring, and adventurous things. With close to 25 girl-empowerment designs that have gone viral and been shipped all over the world, I feel really good about accomplishing what I set out to do. There is always room to do more….

I introduce today a new design that I’m really proud of. This design was created by our facebook community when I asked the question, “Tell me ALL of the different ways your daughter is a girl.” I took notes on all the descriptions given by our amazing parents — sports and dance and various shoe styles and artistic interests and messy hair and fancy pigtails and love of color. This design is YOUR girls, because my Pigtail community knows there are so many, SO MANY, amazing ways to be a girl.

You can purchase these tees HERE.

A brand new Pigtail Pals design!

Every single detail in this design (illustrated by my wonderful artist Katie) represents a girl in our Pigtail Pals community. There is no limit to who our girls can become, and having a girlhood rich in diverse experiences and friendships will show our daughters just how incredible this world is, and how much is out there waiting for them.

During the discussion, the idea was suggested that “little girls are made of sugar and spice and everything Full of Awesome”. One mom even posted a photo of her daughter, looking like a true Pigtail Pal: colorful outfit, hair messed from a hard day of play, and a big smile on her face. (Thank you, Penny Collins, I’ll be sending your little lady a gift tee!) I liked that phrase so much, I added it as a second option for this design!

A second version of our brand new design!

 I have more designs and some surprises coming out during our Birthday Week beginning May 6th, but I just couldn’t wait on these!

I hope you love them just as much as I do! And a huge thank you to Katie, my artist, for turning all of my notes and scratches into something beautiful for our girls!

You can purchase these tees HERE.

As always, these designs are offered in sizes Toddlers – Ladies, with fourteen color choices. Enjoy!!

My blog post yesterday about having a different perspective on how I will raise my daughter to face and take on the world has me receiving lectures that I do not understand feminist issues, that I deny problems the girls in our world face, and that I am too naive and too white and too privileged to understand what it is I think I’m talking about.

I’d just like to point out, while these women lecturing me were sitting in their classes learning about how to belittle the rest of the world on things like intersectionality and privilege, I was sitting in Africa in a tin shack with a dirt floor, holding the hands of young women while we talked via translator about hunger and AIDS and rape. 

So please, save your lectures. I’ve seen and read extensively on the ways in which our world harms its girls. I’ve talked with the women who live in the world’s shadows. Yet, I choose to face the sunshine. I choose to be an optimist. I choose to teach about love and light. I choose to love men, not hate them. If that makes me unfeminist, I’m okay with that. Maybe I don’t want to be one.

There are enormous, systemic issues facing the women and girls of the world.

I choose to raise my daughter as a force of nature, so mighty and set in her belief that all girls, all life has value, so that when she encounters evils she is deeply shaken to her core and because it is so contrary to what she has been taught that she knows no other way than to take that evil head on, to fight injustice with fury, and turn the world upside down.

That is how I choose to raise my girl. Facing the sunshine. Not because we ignore or deny or don’t care about the girls in the shadows. But because the only way to make a shadow less dark, is to spread light.

There’s a post going around that seems popular, a letter from a mother to a daughter telling the little girl that the world hates her because of her sex, and to just, and I quote - “fuck ‘em”.

I’d like to offer a different perspective.

I don’t know the person who wrote this post, neither as a blogger nor as a mom. I’m sure she’s very good at both. I’m not going to judge her words, but I’d like to offer my own.

I’m not going to teach my daughter that the world hates her. I’m going to teach her that she will face challenges and obstacles and unfairness and she will encounter people with different, often stubborn, opinions and she will need to rise above them. She will need to rise. The world doesn’t hate its girls, the world is still trying to figure out what to do with the power that lies inside of its daughters. A different perspective.

The post talks about the world hating its girls, from the moment they are born. I remember the very moment my daughter was born, after hours and hours and hours of an agonizing labor and pushing, the child was laid on my chest. My first touch to my newborn was on her back, and she felt like warm, wet, velvet. She was covered in my blood and I stared into her face and I loved her. Fiercely and instantly. Her father loved her, and wiped away tears as he leaned down to kiss his newborn daughter as she took in her first breaths. Her father cut the cord, separating her body from mine, and never left her side as the nurses measured and weighed and bathed her. He wept the entire time, because the man knew no other way to express the amount of love he felt for this tiny creature. My husband, this brand new girl’s father, called our extended family and friends, who rejoiced over the announcement of her healthy birth. Her father and little brother and grandfather and uncles and male cousins all love and cherish her.  A different perspective.

Yes, she cried when she took her first breaths. Not because the world is a cold, uncaring, and frustrating place that hates her. She cried because she was announcing she was here, and the world would never be the same. She cried out because newborn babies do not yet know how to holler “Hey! I am full of awesome!”.  A different perspective. 

I’m not going to teach my daughter that “there is nothing worse than being a girl”. I am going to teach my daughter to Redefine Girly. There are people in the world who do not value girls, especially as much as they value boys. But how much power and attention do those folks really deserve? There are also thousands and thousands of people in the world who do value and cherish girls, and I choose to focus on them. I will teach my daughter not to give her energy or attention to people who don’t deserve it. I believe the author of the post was trying to say the same thing, but where you put your energy in life is important. I will teach my daughter to see and give importance to the people who, by the thousands and millions, do value girls. A different perspective. 

I also am a former-girl, and I have never felt hated. I have felt challenged. I have been teased for throwing like a girl, and I have picked up the ball and thrown harder and straighter. I have been told I couldn’t do something or other because I was a girl, and I have set about and done it.  I have faced barriers, and I have climbed right over the top of them. I have face ignorance, and I have relied on my beliefs and education to maneuver around it. I have faced sexism, and I have proven myself time and again. I haven’t felt the need to “f*ck ‘em”. I have felt the need to exceed people’s expectations of me, all the while acting with respect, compassion, and class. This is what I will teach my daughter so that when she does face the unjust way the world can sometimes treat its girls, she will have  treasure trove of stories and skills to draw from. I’m not going to raise my daughter as a victim of the world. I’m going to raise her as a force to be reckoned with. A different perspective.

Our daughters cannot cancel out nor hide from the world. They cannot go through life with a “eff you” attitude and be angry at the world. It is wrong to assume all men and boys hate and disrespect women and girls. It is hard to teach people and change perspective when they, or you, have been backed into a corner. I will teach my daughter to meet people in the middle. She’ll have a smart mind and a firm handshake and a chin held high. She’ll practice the art of sisterhood. She’ll have class, and be grounded in the idea of who she is. I will teach my daughter that instead of approaching people with a “f*ck ‘em” attitude, I will ask her to learn from them and guide her actions from the knowledge gained from the very people who would keep her down. The rest of the world cannot be damned, because my daughter is just one in a cast of millions. All people have worth. I will teach her people can sometimes be very wrong, and I will teach her to rise. A different perspective.

The world can be a very difficult place to be a girl. The world can be a difficult place to be anybody. The world can also be an amazing, bright, loving, vibrant place to be alive. The world doesn’t hate my daughter. That’s what my daughter and I will focus on. I do agree with the other mother on several points, the most important of which, our daughters absolutely can fly. In fact, they can soar. We just need to teach them how.

My six year old daughter conquering the challenge of the day: flight.

Little kids like to get naked. They giggle and goof off when naked, and naked is normal and beautiful.  My own children are both notorious nudists, often in public and often for my highest level of embarrassment. They’ve done normal naked stuff, like some impromptu skinny dipping while hiking around a lake and some spur-of-the-moment streaking around the neighborhood, with their mother and a bath towel in hot pursuit.

Needless to say, my children are more than comfortable in their birthday suits. But they also have limits. They have been taught the rules of their body (I’ll share these at the end of the post), the proper names of their body parts, and what is and isn’t appropriate. Both my husband and I feel comfortable talking to our kids about the human body and sex, although we really haven’t had much of the sex talk yet, as the kids are six and four years old. I get a lot of comments and questions from parents on how to approach this topic with kids, so I wanted to share a conversation we had at bath time the other night. This isn’t about scaring kids with the topic of sex abuse, it is about empowering them so they are less likely to become a victim.

Last fall Amelia (6yo) experienced a traumatic incident at the doctor when a nurse who was fed up said said she would rip down Amelia’s pants and stick her with the needle that held the immunization we had come to get. Amelia, having been taught the rules of her body, wouldn’t have it. Things did not go well that morning, and a couple of days later her now-former pediatrician had the audacity to say that if Amelia wasn’t so uptight about her body and I hadn’t taught her so much, this would have gone a lot easier for the nurses and the rest of us. Because you know, we should parent our kids in ways that make life easier for other folks.

I’m actually a big fan of preparing our children for life, in ways that are honest and respectful of their intelligence. So I wanted to share this convo, because when you talk like this often and openly, your kids grow with a really good sense of owning their bodies and using their voice.

“Mom, when I was playing with Friend, she showed me her gina,” Amelia announces out of the blue.

“Oh yeah? What were you girls playing?” I ask, trying not to sound too interested, or reveal any emotion.

“Nothing. We weren’t playing anything. She just showed it to me,” Amelia shrugged.

“Oh, huh. What did she do after she showed it to you?” I ask.

“She giggled,” Amelia informed me.

“Oh, was Friend trying to be silly?” I ask, not sure where this is going to go. “So what did you do, after she showed you her vagina and she giggled?”

“I told her it made me feel uncomfortable, and she needed to stop and put clothes on,” Amelia said. 

“I think that is a good answer. Did she ask you to show your body? Did your tummy voice tell you anything?” I ask.

“No. I told her I didn’t want to play that way. I said it was inappropriate,” Amelia says, and she seems pretty calm and relaxed and was making eye contact with me.

“Well, that’s a good answer. What room were you in when Friend did this? Were you going potty together, or changing clothes?’ I try to gather more details.

“We were in the house and just playing. Maybe I should have told you sooner?” Amelia asks, now trying to process things a bit more. It is tough to get a straight story from little kids, which is why it is so important to stay calm and ask open ended questions.

“Well, I’m really glad you are telling me now. I like when you talk to me, and I’m glad that you remember you won’t ever get in trouble with Mommy or Daddy for telling us something. So maybe next time we play with Friend, you can just say a reminder that clothes need to stay on,” I suggest, fairly certain the girls were just changing clothes for dress up and nothing scandalous happened. We know this family very well, and at this point in the convo I feel this was age-appropriate little kid nakedness and giggling.

“Oh hey, Smalls. So I just wanted to say, a friend or grown up should never touch your vagina or your bottom or your boobie spots. And they should never ask you to touch their bodies, or their private parts. Or, like maybe if your playing with a friend, you should never touch privates with hands or toys, okay?” I say while drying Benny off with a towel, him nodding in agreement with me.

“Oh my God, Mom, you are so gross,” Amelia says.

“Yeah anb you nebber feed your penie to dogs or alligators,” offers Benny.

“Right, Benny. Well, I think we’ve got this covered then. Thanks for talking to me, Smalls,” I wrap the convo up, confident my kids know their boundaries, and will never feed their genitals to dogs or swamp creatures.

Here’s what I want parents to take away from this story:

1. Please, please get comfortable talking to your kids about their bodies, private parts, and sex. You might need to get honest with yourself and move past some issues you may have in order to have this ongoing and evolving conversation with your child. Do that.

2. Please, please teach your children about their bodies, the correct names of their body parts, what appropriate and inappropriate touches are, and their right to say no. They are little kids, so they might say the words a bit differently than you do (“bagina” instead of vagina and vulva), but be consistent with how you refer to body parts.

3. Please, please get honest about the fact that these inappropriate touches 90% of the time come from people the child will know and consider safe. This person can be another child or playmate. Your child must know that he or she will never be in trouble for being honest with you.

4. When a situation happens that is uncomfortable to talk about, get uncomfortable and talk about it. Allow your kids to express their emotions, and ask questions about what happened. Ask questions that are opened ended, require more than “yes” or “no”, but do not include the answer in the question (“So what happened then, he didn’t ask you to touch him, right?” Don’t lead the child with your questions). Help them interpret their actions and the actions of the others involved. Their being a child does not diminish their rights.

5.  YOU are your child’s biggest advocate. You are their voice in situations they cannot fully understand. Children see the world differently than we do. Show them respect and see things from their eye level. Use your voice to stand up for them. It will teach your child they are worth fighting for, and that you speak up and speak out when something doesn’t feel right or is unjust.

Cross-posted with permission from our friend and colleague Dr. Jennifer Shewmaker.

My youngest daughter turned 8 years old this week. This means that she has moved into the world of tweens. Tween marketing is commonly focused on kids between the ages of 8-12 years, and it has become a stage in life when a mini version of adulthood is being promoted as fun and appropriate.

But my girl is still so young. Having gone through this stage with my two older daughters, I want so much for her to hold on to and enjoy her childhood. There’s no reason to rush into being a teenager at the age of 8! And yet, that is a vision that I see in so many programs and products marketed to her.

As she turns eight, these are eight things that I want her to know:

1. Your uniqueness is what makes you amazing: As you enter the tween years, you’re going to feel pressure to be like everyone else, to follow the crowd, to not stand out. But the things that make you different are what make you original, uniquely you. Love those things about yourself; from your freckles to your love for animals to the way you feel things so strongly.
2. Enjoy being a kid: You will be a teenager soon enough, and then an adult. Don’t stifle your exuberance, your love to laugh and run and play because it makes you look like a kid. You are a kid! Chase butterflies, play pretend, wear clothes that don’t match, run as fast as you can and play in the mud!
3. Believe in your dreams: As I got older, I realized that everyone didn’t believe that I could do things I thought I could. I know that you’re going to feel that too, and that it will hurt your heart. But the voices of those who don’t believe are no stronger than your own. If you believe deep in your heart that you should pursue something then let’s do it!
4. If you don’t risk, you’ll never know: It’s easy to play it safe and avoid taking risks in life, both big and small. But if you don’t risk, you’ll never know what might have happened. Whether it’s learning a new sport, trying a new food, or making a new friend, go out there and live your life fully.
5.   You are more than your looks: My precious daughter, you may notice that people suddenly want to tell you that you should be plucking, shaving, coloring, glossing, making-up and whatever else to make you look better. You may suddenly worry about the hair on your legs or the freckles on your nose or the cowlick in your hair. If you’re not careful, it’s so easy to begin to believe that what really matters about you is how you look. But you are so much more than that! You are brilliant, strong, passionate, curious, kind, and more! Know that these are the things that are most important about you, not the way you look.
6. Know that I am here: For the past years, I have always been here for you whether it’s been to give a hug, wipe a tear, share a laugh, or have an adventure. As you get older, it may get harder to talk to me. You may have feelings that you don’t understand. You may struggle with friendships and romantic relationships. You may struggle with feelings about yourself. Please know that I am still here for you, whenever and however you need me. Whether you need to talk out a disagreement with a teacher or make a big decision, my arms, ears, and heart are always open to you.
7.  You were born to shine: I believe with all my heart that you were born with a purpose, that you can make this world a better place using your unique gifts and talents. Never forget that you were born to shine the beauty of your unique individuality on this old world and make it brighter.
8.   Love other people: Even when they don’t deserve it, even when they hurt you, even when they make you mad. Let love for others fill your heart so that it flows out of you to touch the lives of those around you. It’s easy to share hate, bitterness, and rudeness. It’s so much harder to turn to hate with love, to look at the person who is being mean to you and see someone who needs mercy. But the world would be a better place if we all learned to do that. You can’t make other people love, but you can choose to love.

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About Jennifer Shewmaker: I’m a professor of psychology at Abilene Christian University and have been working with families and children for the past 15 years. I’m deeply concerned about the way that sexualized media messages are impacting children and adolescents. It’s my goal to provide families and children with resources to become voices of transformation in the world around them. 

The only preconceived notions I had for my daughter’s childhood were learning to ride a bike and that she would be a Girl Scout. Last fall I was thrilled when I got a phone call from the Girl Scouts of Wisconsin Badgerland Council to custom design a tee for our special Century Celebration. I say “our”, because my six year old daughter is a Daisy Scout in a troop in the Badgerland Council, and I’ve really enjoyed watching my daughter become a third generation Scout.

I asked for details on the event, themed “100 Years Young, 100 Years Strong”. Each Council’s celebration of the Girl Scouts turning 100 years old is unique, and I wanted to capture the spirit of the Badgerland event. The Badgerland’s Madison-area event is going to be really fantastic, and I immediately had ideas swirling in my head.

All Girl Scouts and their families can order the tee right HERE.

A unique tee custom-designed for the Girl Scouts Badgerland Council by Pigtail Pals.

I worked with a new artist for Pigtail Pals on this design, and it turns out that she was also a Wisconsin Girl Scout and had worked as an art counselor at a Girl Scout camp. My artist Katie and I discussed our ideas for the design, what we wanted to portray to all of the girls, and I’m so thrilled with how it turned out. Katie has the ability to take my written ideas and scritchy sketches and draw exactly what I have envisioned. She is so talented and we’re already working on some more designs for Pigtail Pals!

The Badgerland Council’s Century Celebration on May 5-6th will take place in the heart of Madison, Wisconsin. The premier event is the Century of Leaders March, when thousands of girls and their moms and troop leaders will be marching through the streets to the Wisconsin State Capitol Square. I get goosebumps just thinking about it.

I wanted to showcase all the generations who came before us, our mothers and grandmothers and great grandmothers. These are the girls who grew up and followed their dreams and changed the world. The centerpiece of the design highlights girls today. I wanted this illustration to speak to our girls and reinforce the message that they will be the face of their own generation and their dreams will shape their generation is remembered.

It was such a pleasure to be able to work with the Girl Scouts on this project, and from what I’m hearing from my friends and the Pigtail Pals community, the shirts are already selling like crazy. I know an entire troop in Texas has ordered the tees, a family of Scouts in Virginia, a woman from California who is being honored with 30 years of service to Girl Scouts, and a Cadette in North Carolina. I even had a request from a Girl Guides troop in Germany so that they could get these special Century Celebration tees!

You can order your tee RIGHT HERE! Tees are $10.00 each, Youth Small through Ladies 3XL. Tees are 100% preshrunk ring-spun cotton in a classic cut, so sizes run true to size. (Size chart below).

If you are a Badgerland Scout, you’ll also be able to get your tee at the event if you don’t have the chance to pre-order.

I’ll be at the event with Amelia (the Original Pigtail Pal) so if you see us, please come over and say hi. We’ll have hugs and high fives a plenty, and we love meeting other smart, daring, and adventurous girls!

I know a lot of Scouts plan to get these tees for the Rock the Mall in Washington DC in June — email us pictures of you wearing your shirts and we’ll create a fun scrapbook on the blog! (info@pigtailpals.com)

A few Badgerland Daisy Scouts proudly wear their Century Celebration tees.

 Sizing for Youth tees:

Sizing for Ladies tees:

By: Marci Warhaft-Nadler 

How to talk to your kids about Body Image FAQS

 Body Image and Eating Disorder issues are affecting kids younger and younger these days and while they’re struggling with society’s unrealistic expectations about who they’re supposed to be and what they’re supposed to look like, their parents are struggling to find the right ways to help them grow into the self-confident, self-assured men and women they deserve to be.

Today we’re hoping to answer some of the questions that we’re hearing most often from moms and dads who know just how delicate a topic this can be.

QUESTION 1)  “I’ve decided to lose weight and get into better shape. How can I make changes to my lifestyle without making my daughter self-conscious about her own body?” -Karen, mom to daughter 13 years old

ANSWER 1)  Deciding to make healthy lifestyle changes is a positive thing and the perfect opportunity to explain to your daughter how important it is to treat our bodies with the kindness and respect they deserve. The MOST important thing is to make the focus on your health and not your weight. Be clear that you are not changing your diet or physical activity in order to fit into a pair of jeans or bikini, but to enhance your quality of life.

As always, keep things positive. Instead of criticizing your body for the faults you may see,  talk about all the things a healthier body will be able to DO. A good way to approach the topic, would be to say, “I’m not feeling as strong and energetic as I’d like to feel, so I’m going to start feeding my body with  foods that are going to give me all the good stuff that it needs and I’m going to start being more active.” Be excited about it.

Never talk about eating LESS. If she notices that you aren’t having seconds and thirds and asks about it, just explain that you are listening to your body and feel like you’ve had enough.

Remember, it’s all about progress, not perfection. If you miss a workout or eat a little more than you planned, do NOT make a big deal about it. Your daughter needs to understand that the goal is not to be “perfect”, just perfectly happy with who you are.

QUESTION 2)   “I just had my second baby and want to lose the extra weight I put on during pregnancy. How can I explain my weight loss to my daughter in a positive way?” - Laura, mom to daughter 7 years old

ANSWER 2)   Much like the previous question, this is a GREAT opportunity to point out how amazing and miraculous our bodies are!  Explain to your daughter that while you were pregnant, your body had a big job to do as it was creating her little brother/sister. While the baby was growing, your body needed to grow to make room for him/her and you needed to eat more to make sure that you had the energy you needed to take care of yourself, the baby and the rest of the family.

Go on to explain that now that the baby’s here, your body still needs a lot of energy but will get that energy in a different way. Avoid saying things like, “I need to get back into shape” , or “I need to lose my belly.” You want her to think of pregnancy as the wonderful experience that it is and not connect it to feeling lousy about yourself.  Explain that while you were pregnant, your body was taking care of the baby from the inside and now that the baby’s here, you’re getting your body ready to take care of the baby from the outside.

Remember: There’s NO RUSH. Take your time. Only “TV moms” give birth one minute and are ready for their itsy bitsy bikinis the very next!

QUESTION 3)  ”What if my daughter NEEDS to lose weight, how can I help her without creating body image issues?”   Tali, mom to daughter 11 years old

ANSWER 3)    The very FIRST thing you need to do is MAKE sure she really is overweight. Sadly, our society completely underestimates the size of healthy bodies and all too often, a child will seem overweight because he/she is bigger than her peers, when actually, they are in a perfectly healthy weight range. Go to a doctor you TRUST (without your daughter present) and find out if there really is any reason for concern.

Truth be told, while our children are growing, the last thing we want to do is meddle with the growth process. We talked about this in our article about puberty and it holds true for younger kids as well. Kids’ bodies are constantly changing and the best thing we can do as parents is to make sure that they’re getting healthy food, in healthy portions and being PHYSICALLY ACTIVE.

Do NOT make ANY comments about their weight. It will only hurt, not help. 

Yup, I’m going to say it again, keep the focus off of weight and on health. Talk about how good it feels when we take care of our bodies and get lots of exercise. If you really want to be supportive, make physical activity a family affair, after all, we all need to be fit and strong! Come up with fun things you could do together like going on a hike or riding bikes together after dinner. Make up fun challenges for each other: “I dare you to take the stairs instead of the escalator” or “I dare you to do a silly dance every time a commercial comes on TV”.

Another good idea is to plan meals and grocery shop together sometimes. Creating a meal from scratch can be a fun experience to do together and will help to encourage a healthy, positive relationship with food. You do not want to put your daughter on a diet as diets are based on “DONTS” and all she will think about are the foods she can’t or shouldn’t eat.  Focusing instead on all the great foods she CAN eat, will make it a lot easier for her to maintain the healthy lifestyle you’re creating.

Remember: Healthy kids really do come in all shapes and sizes and it’s important that our kids feel PROUD of who they are and confident in all they can accomplish.  

QUESTION 4)  “My son’s school has started talking about the issue of childhood obesity and will be implementing healthy eating programs. How can I be sure that this will be a positive thing?”  Meredith, mom to son 8  years old               

 ANSWER 4)    GET INVOLVED!   I cannot stress this point enough. I have seen from my own experience at my sons’ school that even the best of intentions where kids and food are concerned can go very wrong. Studies are showing that our society’s focus on child obesity is causing an increase in body preoccupation and eating disorders among boys and girls at the elementary school level. By focusing on fat, we create shame around our bodies and fear around food, exactly what we DON’T want to do. Dr. Leora Pinhas, an eating disorder specialist  at Sick Kids Hospital in Toronto, Ontario says that for some kids, learning about foods in terms of “good” and “bad” can be dangerous and she asks for her kids to be excused from programs like these offered at her school.

Make sure your son’s school has done enough research around the issue to make sure that the message they send is a positive one. ASK questions. Talk to your son about what he is being taught and feel free to speak to his teacher or principal if anything he is learning makes you uncomfortable.

Make sure the kids are getting enough physical activity during the day. Many schools forget that being active is crucial to being healthy and instead puts all their energy towards de-junking their lunch bags.

Remember: No one has the right to judge the way you feed your child.

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And this just in, from our Facebook page:

QUESTION 5:   “I had a third grader tell me today that she gave away most of her lunch because she’s “watching her appetite.” When I asked for more, she told me that another third grader told her she’d get fat if she ate too much. Any advice?” – Susan R

Melissa:   I would emphasize that our bodies need food for fuel in order to work. Ask her what “watching her appetite” means? That she’s on a diet or trying to lose weight? Ask her why she is afraid/concerned about getting “fat”, and what that would mean to her. I would point out that if a human body doesn’t have food and nutrients, it cannot learn, play, fun, etc.
I would also tell her that if her tummy is telling her that her body is hungry, it is more important to listen to her body than to what her friends tell her. Her body intuitively knows what is best for it.

Marci:   Tell her how important it is for us to GROW! Things like Trees, flowers and PEOPLE are supposed to grow and nobody knows what’s best for bodies except us. A strong body is a healthy body and we need to eat to be strong. Ask her if she think.s she’d be a different person if she was bigger or smaller…Would she be nicer? A better friend? Better student? Nope she’d be the same amazing person. Trying to be like someone else is boring and tiring… Its so much more Fun being yourself!

Susan’s Reply:  Thanks! I guess it started when she told her friends that she’d had seconds for supper the night before. Her ‘friend’ said she’d get fat if she ate that much. I will make sure to emphasize in class how wonderful everyone is no matter their shape. She’s easily the tallest girl in my class and is probably growing again! She needs that food!

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With new issues and questions coming up regularly, feel free to bring your body image quandaries our way. This is a weird and wacky world we live in and the best way we can help our kids get through it, is to rely on the support of each other.

About Marci Warhaft-Nadler: Marci is a certified fitness instructor and body image consultant. After overcoming her own body image and eating disorder issues, Marci created her Fit vs Fiction program to tear down the dangerous myths related to beauty and fitness and empower kids with the self-esteem they need to tune out negative messages and be proud of who they are instead of judging themselves for who they think they’re not. 

Self-Worth should NOT be measured in pounds!

www.fitvsfiction.com

facebook.com/visitfitvsfiction

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marciwarhaft@rogers.com

At bedtime the other night the 6 year old Original Pigtail Pal gave me some sass over saying her Thankfuls & Gratefuls. I asked if she was thankful for her warm blankets and clean, cozy home; her healthy body; her books and toys and art supplies; her closet full of clothes; the food she and her friends devoured during a playdate earlier in the night.

She then said she didn’t care about any of that because she didn’t have a dolphin. She is convinced we can keep one in our backyard, or in tubes suspended from the ceiling of the bedroom she controls shares with her little brother. We talked a little bit more, and she eventually came around to share some thoughtful Thankfuls & Gratefuls with me. Then she started asking some questions about children around the world who don’t have blankets. For awhile now she has been very disturbed by the fact that there are children who don’t have beds and enough blankets to keep them warm at night. I answered her questions, but was exhausted and started to drift off to sleep.

I woke up to her crying. Little sniffs and whimpers that soon crescendoed into sobs. Between gulps for air she demanded to talk to President Obama about why he hasn’t brought the children to live in the houses that are for sale in America, and give them the blankets and toys and food they need. She bawled about needing to fly to Africa to play with the children and make them happy, and then roped Secretary Clinton into her tirade of government officials she perceived to be failing our world’s children. I tried explaining the complicated issue in a way that an over-tired six year old would understand at ten o’clock at night, but little mama wasn’t having it. She had worked herself up to the point that every statement she made was punctuated with a stern finger in the air. Amelia made a list of points that would be in her letter she wanted addressed by President Obama. I could see and feel her little heart aching, and her mind spinning.

She finally calmed down, and asked if I would tell her about the day her Uncle Eric and I were in South Africa and played with the children. She was referring to the time my brother and I visited a Cape Town township (that’s the polite word for AIDS-stricken shanty town) and spent the day talking with residents, and playing with the children in the dusty streets. I always make a point to explain the level of poverty these people live in, but that my entire day was spent with people laughing and smiling and happy children running everywhere.

Amelia asked if in the morning she could use her allowance to send her blankets and toys to the children in Africa and then buy them houses here in America. I explained to her that removing children from their homes wasn’t the answer, that we needed to find ways to make their homes better places. I explained how important children were to the countries they were born in. I reminded her that there were many poor children in America, and even right in our own city. I told her about my friend Erin in Nepal who builds schools for girls, and my friend Cristianne in South Africa who helps AIDS orphans. Amelia adored Cristianne when she was living here in the States, and that seemed to be the magic that got her to settle into sleep for the night.

At breakfast the next morning, we talked a little bit more about why she had been so upset. 4 year old Benny Boy was now in on the conversation, and the kids were devising a plan. We decided they would pool their Chore Chart money together and that Mr. Pigtail Pals and I would match it. Between the two of them they had $7.00, with a match from their parents bringing the total to $14.00. She asked if Pigtail Pals would make a company donation, too. I agreed to match their $14.00, bringing them to $28.00. I said we could go to the bank and withdraw $28 and donate it to the local food pantry, or buy blankets and teddy bears and make up overnight bags for children at the women’s shelter. Amelia was adamant the money had to go to Africa.

And then Benny Boy said, “Wree shoid ass dee people we know to give der monies to us for mo monies.” Crowd-sourcing, a la a four year old.

So we made a list of people we could ask: Grandma & Grandpa, Tio Chris in Costa Rica, and Uncle Eric & Auntie Lisa in Madagascar.

We hit the grandparents first, because if there is one thing Amelia does well, it is shake down her grandpa. She exlained what she wanted to do, asked if he would match her and Benny’s $7.00, and he agreed in 3 seconds flat. Next we tracked down Grandma on her cell phone, and they netted another $7.00. The kids now had $42.00, which got Benny so excited he stripped naked and started running around the house screaming.

Image via Heifer International.

Amelia snuggled next to me on the couch, and I showed her this video from Heifer International. (My blog isn’t letting me embed it, just click the link.)

I said with $42.00, she and Benny had enough for two flocks of chicks, and we talked about the idea of handing a person one chicken dinner verses gifting a person a flock of chicks that could sustain a family and give them a source of income and pride. I explained to her how that money would go back into the family’s local economy, benefiting the other families who sold goods or services to the family with the chicks. We talked about the chicks laying eggs the family could give to neighbors in need. Amelia was able to see the circle, and she decided two flocks of chicks is how we would spend our $42.00.

Benny was still running around like a naked wild man, so we explored more  of the Heifer website. Amelia’s eyes became round and sparkling.

“Mom,” she said, “make a list of everyone we know. We’re buying a goat.”

That is how some bedtime tears and $7.00 turned into two flocks of chicks and two strongly worded letters to President Obama and Secretary Clinton. And a little girl determined to change the world.

If you would like to give the gift of self-sustainability and hope to a family somewhere in the world this Spring, please visit Heifer International’s gift catalog, or help fund one of their projects here in America or elsewhere on the globe.

Hatch hope with Heifer International.

by Marci Warhaft-Nadler

Do These Hormones Make Me Look Fat?

Last week, a friend of mine told me that her 8 year old daughter, planted her feet in the ground and shouted, “I don’t want to grow up!” When her mom asked her WHY not, she answered,” I don’t want to grow up because Grownups are FAT and I don’t want to be fat!”

Yikes!  Where do I begin?

In this case, it was easy to figure out where the fear came from, as she comes from a long line of yo-yo dieters  and “fat talk” is commonplace in her household. By seeing the adults in her life focus on body shape and weight, she’s started to develop an unhealthy relationship with food and her body. Sadly, this isn’t unusual, especially at her age.

The tween years are tough; not just for the kids experiencing them, but also for their parents, who are struggling to find ways to make things a little easier for them. Not only are kids this age still dealing with the same pressures from the media, society and peers that have surrounded them up to this point, but now they’ve got the added stress that comes from more homework, possible transition to middle school, exposure to dangerous behaviours, and, probably the scariest challenge of all, PUBERTY!

Puberty generally occurs between the ages of 8-12 and is essentially the time when a young girl’s body prepares itself for womanhood. While many classrooms discuss most of the changes that kids go through during this time, one area that is definitely not talked about enough is puberty-related weight gain.

Weight gain isn’t only to be expected, by is also a NECCESSARY part of the growth process and the last thing we want to do is impede that process in any way, shape or form. Girls should expect to gain weight, especially around their hips and breasts, but too many of them panic at the first sign of their clothes getting tighter.

I recently heard from the mother of a 12 year old girl who was worried about the fact that even though her daughter ate well and was very active, she was noticing some weight gain around her stomach. I reminded her of what she said about her daughter eating well and exercising and assured her that what was happening to her daughter was completely healthy and the worst thing to do would be to say anything to make her self-conscious about it.

You do NOT, I repeat do NOT want to put your child on any kind of diet while they’re bodies are doing exactly what they’re supposed to be doing or it could result in a skewed metabolism causing a life filled with weight and body image issues. However, it’s the perfect time to talk about healthy lifestyle choices.

Some tips:

1)  As always, the conversation should never be about weight, but should focus on health. It’s a great idea to talk to your child about all the work that their body is doing and how important it is to fuel it with a variety of high quality foods that will help it grow in the strongest, healthiest way possible. Explain that their bones and muscles need physical activity to function properly. Puberty is a very EMOTIONAL time and we want to try and avoid making emotional connections to food for as long as we can.

2)  Make healthy, fun foods available 24/7. Growing kids are hungry kids, by making healthier options easily accessible, you can avoid them filling up on empty calories. For great snack ideas, check out: www.superhealthykids.com

3)  Kids pick up on EVERYTHING, so make sure they hear you compliment people on their actions instead of their looks; this will remind them that what they do is far more important than how they look.

4)  Encourage your kids to find a hobby or several!  Peers play a HUGE role in their lives at this age and bullying becomes more of an issue. It’s crucial that they find extracurricular activities that give them a sense of pride outside of their friendships. Try all types of things; you never know what will be the perfect fit. Kids have so many choices these days, from art classes to soccer to Karate and everything in between!

5)  While sports like dance, gymnastics and figure skating offer a fun way to stay fit, it’s important to understand that activities that promote extreme thinness can create unhealthy body preoccupation.  If your child wants to participate in sports like these, make sure you are comfortable with their coach and that they are on the same page as you as far as healthy bodies go. A good coach won’t pressure your child to lose weight or even mention weight at all.

Keep the lines of communication open between you and your child. Remind them that strong, healthy bodies need to be nurtured not deprived.

The important message here is that puberty is not something negative to be feared, but something positive to be celebrated!

{Melissa adds: I started going through puberty around age 11-12ish, and it was a hard transition to go from a stick-thin kid to a curvy young teen. It helped when my mom showed me photos of her during that time, and I was able to see my body following her genetics. It gave me some perspective that my body looked just the way it was supposed to.}

You can find the entire Body Image Workshop series here.

Feel free to leave a question in the Comments section, or a topic you’d like more information on when it comes to your kids and body image.

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Marci Warhaft-Nadler is a certified fitness instructor and body image consultant. After overcoming her own body image and eating disorder issues, Marci created her Fit vs Fiction program to tear down the dangerous myths related to beauty and fitness and empower kids with the self-esteem they need to tune out negative messages and be proud of who they are instead of judging themselves for who they think they’re not. 

Self-worth should not be measured in pounds!

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