Posts Tagged ‘Actionist Network(R)’

Hail to Thee! ABC Family

You took big chances on HUGE

Although the summer sun may set

We promise we won’t soon forget

HUGE on ABC Family!

How wonderful you are.

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When you wish upon a star, you have to turn your face up to the sky. Technically, you would have had to first turn your face skyward to initially locate a star upon which to wish, then whisper your wish. I suppose you could be cavalier and just throw a wish out there and assume there will be a star hanging in all that blackness. I guess that depends on how much you wish for, and how important those wishes are.

I know for a fact that I have wished on stars since I was around eight years old. I remember one night from my childhood that was at the same time so uneventful and so profound, I recall every detail.  I was sitting in the backseat of my friend’s dad’s convertible while he was in the movie store renting a movie for our sleepover. My friend’s cool older sister was with us on that warm summer night, and I think it was the first time I rode in a convertible. The cool older sister turned her face up after we finished singing to the radio and she said to the sky, “Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, bring this wish I wish tonight.”

I remember gasping. I had no idea I was supposed to say that before I wished. No wonder my unicorn had not shown up and Michael Jackson was yet to ask if I could come work for him as his assistant. I had been doing it wrong. All wrong. The girls giggled and asked why I looked funny. I said, “Can you teach me that song? I need to know that so my wishes come true. I’m not doing it right.”

The cool older sister, being so very cool, grabbed our hands and said, “It is easy, just go like this….” And there we sat. Three beautiful young girls in the back of the convertible on a warm summer night, faces up to the sky, holding hands and propperly wishing on stars. Kinda sounds like a greeting card your best friend would send for your birthday and you’d tape it up inside your cupboard. That’s sweet. It is also the uneventful part.

I said to the cool older sister, “Thanks, because now I know what to say and the stars will make my wishes come true.”

Here’s the profound part, the cool older sister said, “The stars don’t do anything, they just listen. You make your own wishes come true.”

You make your own wishes come true. What an awesome lesson to have taught to you at the age of eight by a friend’s cool older sister.

In the final moments of Season 1 on HUGE, we saw Wil look upwards for the first time the entire season. Not just with raised eyes like if she was talking with Ian or shooting a basket with Salty, but all the way up. Face turned all the way to the sky, shoulders down and relaxed, head rocked backwards so that she could take in the expanse of the evening. Looking up. Seeing for the first time.

Wil asks Dr. Rand what she was like when she was fat. “I hated myself,” Dr. Rand replied. Wil asks next, “And now?”  “Less,” Dr. Rand replies.

Less. Less weight, less self-hate. Is that a big improvement? Maybe. Maybe the big improvement is gaining the knowlege that a person’s worth does not come from the shape of their body or features of their face. It comes from their heart and their actions and their thoughts and their being. Maybe the big improvement is the knowing that skinny, medium, or fat, you still have to love yourself in order to be content. I would think hating yourself, at any size, must be a very ugly feeling and such a waste of time.

Wil then says “Back home I never really noticed the stars, but here you can really see them.” Dr. Rand ends the season by saying, “Yeah, you really can.”

Can you see the stars? Do you allow yourself to turn your face to the sky and make a wish? Do you allow yourself to turn away from the mirror, stop judging yourself, and really see what’s out there for the first time? Do you know you have to make your own wishes come true? Do you know that making your wishes come true often involves hard work and sacrifice and pushing yourself and taking risks? This is applicable whether you are a teen needing to make some big changes, or a tv producer needing to make some very HUGE decisions.

I just peeked outside, and since we had to cut down our 30foot maple that Girl Gang sat under when we composed our Open Letter to ABC Family, I can see a lot of stars. A lot. I’ve done everything I can to make my wish for a Season 2 of HUGE come true. I’ve cooked week after week for my Girl Gang, stayed up late every Monday night chatting with them after the show, and then even later to watch the show again by myself, and then even later to wash all of our dishes. Other nights I write my posts, many of which were finished around 3am.  Along with many other bloggers and educators, I’ve tweeted and posted about the show and encouraged others to watch and see what is taking place.

What is taking place is television for teens like we’ve never seen it before and HUGE has the potential to open a national conversation among young people who really need it. The show is a hit, the cast and writing are phenomenal, and all we need is the network to back it. All we need is for ABC Family to stand by what they have created.

What is taking place is a form of acceptance in mainstream media for so many kids who need it so badly and so wish I may, wish I might, I wish for a Season 2 tonight.

I have had the pleasure of spending the last ten weeks inviting a special group of young women into my home to eat dinner with me, talk with me, and watch a very fresh and meaningful television show. When this began, I was intrigued, but wasn’t sure exactly how I felt about the show or how it was going to go with the girls. But week after week the conversations, sparked by the show, with these girls left me wishing every day was Monday. All of our posts are here  to read, all nine previous weeks, and I am tremendously proud of the work we did. And the brownies we ate.

Having been both, I do not know which is more difficult: being a teen or being a parent. I have not yet parented a teen, so perhaps I can’t answer that one quite yet. During the years I was a teen, we lived in a very small town. My parents were good parents, but their parenting got in the way of me being a teenager. I distinctly remember my feelings towards my parents when I was a teen, specifically the year I was 15 years old. That was the year I became a pain in the ass.  That was the year my dad tried to sell me to my uncle. That was the same year my mom gave me a little gift, for what I cannot remember, of a little figurine mouse eating chocolate candies. I opened the box, took one look at it, and screamed/hissed/breathed fire, “SO YOU THINK I’M FAT!?” and then burst into tears and didn’t talk to her for two weeks. Did I mention my uncle declined my dad’s offer? No hard feelings.

We all know how hard parenting is. The job of gestating, birthing, caring for, and raising small human beings into big human beings with as little collateral damage as possible. I’m four years into it and it is definitely the craziest and most difficult thing I’ve ever done. But I know I’m doing it well. Well, let me clarify – I have zero idea when or how or if you are supposed to give a child an allowance, I do not know the lyrics to childrens’ songs, and my oldest child hasn’t eaten a single vegetable since she was seven months old. That’s just the little stuff, really.

The big stuff? I’m really good at….explaining death and compassion and tolerance for diversity and self worth and honesty and healthy living. I have kids that ask lots of questions. Lots of questions. And I give them answers that respect their intelligence and help shape them into big human beings. Of course, you don’t to wait for your child to become a teen to teach them to be strong in their heart.

Watch as a new member of Girl Gang explains:

On Monday nights’ HUGE, we saw some not great parenting and we saw how difficult it is to be a teen. We saw parents who fight all the time and file for divorce, parents who pay their teen money for losing weight and “being a good girl”, teens who lie to their parents about whom they are dating to gain acceptance, teens who have to become the parent because their own parent is incapable of being an emotionally mature grown up. We saw parents who don’t really know their kids or how to talk to them or how to accept them for who they are. We saw the pain that teens can feel when they aren’t accepted by their parents – like when they receive a box at weight loss camp with a sweatshirt inside that is two sizes too small and a note saying “Can’t wait to see you in this”.

Although I haven’t parented a teen, I can imagine I’d have a rough go of it if I try to fit my teen into a box. It is not up to the parent to define to their child who they will be. The parent is there to set rules and boundaries for safety and provide a listening ear and guidance. I think it would be much easier to watch and enjoy as your child fits into our world, as opposed to fitting them inside a box.

Somewhere along the way, the most important lesson is to teach a child is to love themself. To be strong in their heart. That way, no matter what comes at them, they have a strength inside of them that will carry them through. Our teens go through a lot these days. Their world moves pretty fast. If we teach them to be strong in their hearts, the world we send them into will seem that much more manageable. If we teach them to be strong in their hearts, the world is theirs for the taking.

We don’t walk around carrying swords and crossbows anymore. Threat of bear and wild boar is low these days, and acts of bravery no longer come from duels. Most of us during our lifetimes will not come across the situation of a burning building with trapped kittens inside. Those types of acts of bravery are few and far between, unless you’re a firefighter, but then you’re in a different category of bravery all together.

Most of us, in our lifetime, will never be gallant. But certainly we can be brave. We can Live HUGE. We can do so daily. In small ways, maybe ways so small that aside from the people directly around you, no one else will take notice. Actions that will not make the evening news, but will show those who know you what you stand for. A quiet confidence. A stretching of your comfort zone. An act of protecting someone when your own safety is questionable. A decision with which you have no certainty of the outcome. A living of your truth.

Most folks can’t do that. Some folks can but won’t. Some folks could but allow others to determine whether or not they will. And then there are those who do.

I’ve watched over the last three weeks as a group of teen girls my family knows transform into young women who are ready to Live HUGE.

Watch.

Did you see it? Those seconds (2:50) when the last of the Girl Gang gals shares her moment, lives her truth, and her friends witness her do something she’s never done before? And did you see the size of their smiles? This won’t make the news. We’re not going viral. We’re just watching a group of friends grow and learn from each other and witness each other embrace the concept of Living HUGE. And that is EXACTLY why ABC Family’s show is just so absolutely genius. You bet the writing is stellar. The acting is really good. Really good. The direction is phenomenal in an understated way, catching glances or a slight facial expression from one of the characters that tells us more about the story than what is written into the script. It is just all so clever and it is REALLY hitting home with these girls. And others. Have you checked out the Facebook page for HUGE? In three weeks over 97,000 young people have. Can you even imagine where this conversation will go if, and I’m really hoping when, ABC Family picks up this amazing show for a second season?

Remember?  Before the first episode when we were all so concerned about the setting of a fat camp and would eating disorders be addressed and yadda yadda yadda. Do you see now that NONE of that matters? Because this show isn’t about that. It is about teenagers. Friendships. Puppy Love. Self Doubt. Sexuality. Personal Boundaries. And so much more. Are you starting to forget that the actors are fat? Are you falling in love with them despite that?  Are you finding yourself enjoying the drama and character development we see more and more and more of with each episode? Do you see that that is the whole point?

ABC Family did a really brave thing taking a chance on this story and producing this show. HUGE is very different from the rest of the programming on that network. HUGE is really different from anything we’ve seen before, and it is having an enormous impact on teens and has the potential to create an on-going national conversation. They took a chance and did something brave knowing that A LOT of people would be watching.

Girl Gang isn’t like that. They don’t have thousands of people watching them. They are a bunch of teens from a suburban Midwest town just spreading their wings after high school, wide eyed at the possibilities their futures hold. They are  a tight bunch of friends who love Justin Bieber and now want to read every word Jess Weiner has ever written. And they are starting to be brave. They are catching on to the idea of Living HUGE, just like we saw Becca and George and Alistair do this week. Oh, Alistair. Meow.

We saw Dr. Rand and Wil and Shae and Amber be unHUGE. Each of them has something holding them back. Something they will not surrender. Something they refuse to throw into the fire. Funny thing is – my Girl Gang has hurdles too. Without breaking confidence, I will share that each of these girls has had something they have had to overcome. It doesn’t matter what it is, it just matters that they have all thrown their white flags into the fire.

I didn’t teach them that. Their new demi-goddess Jess Weiner didn’t teach them that. Justin Bieber had nothing to do with it. The conversations sparked by HUGE taught them that.

A snapshot of someone’s life is never enough to know who they are, because it doesn’t give us enough context.

You can’t live your life making decisions based on what others think or who could be watching you.

You have to Live HUGE for yourself. It isn’t something anyone can do for you.

But the thing is….

You do have to Live HUGE because….

What we do with our lives matter. Many times we don’t get second chances. You have one shot to decide to summon the bravery it takes to Live HUGE. And you have to, because you never know who is watching you and learning from you and taking it all in.

At a controversial part of last night’s show, Dr. Rand asks Wil to wear nothing but her bathing suit for the camp’s Before Pictures, “So that you can take a really honest look at yourself.” I would argue, taking an honest look at oneself has NOTHING to do, really, with what can be seen. So here is our Before Picture…..

Last night I invited a group of seven teens, ages 16-19 years old, to my home to watch ABC Family’s new show HUGE with me. Three of the girls I knew, four girls were new friends to the family. The girls had all gone to school together and had been friends for years, which I thought would lend to a comfortable atmosphere for a post-show discussion.  We had a lot of expectations for the show. You’ll see in the video, but the girls knew exactly what they did and didn’t want to see.

During a healthy dinner we talked about body image, body frames, unhealthy eating, and our preconceived notions about people who are overweight. And they somehow managed to work Justin Bieber into the conversation. Then Girl Gang and I snuggled down on my couches to watch HUGE. We turned the show on, and for the first time in 45 minutes, seven formerly chatting, giggling girls got serious, sat silently, and took it in. Then, they let it out.

I tweeted their reactions, which as we got to the middle of the show, began to get emotional. There were different body types represented by my Girl Gang, so some of the girls were really able to relate to some of the actions on the show.

Here’s some of what they said:

“I hate that. I hate that she {Wil} is making it a joke. It is humiliating to big people when other big people make jokes about themselves. She has the confidence to be funny. But I don’t. So where does that leave me?”

“Wil didn’t take the top bunk because she thought she’d fall through. Fat people think about that, like ‘Am I going to fit?’ all the time.”

“I don’t like that trainer. She’s so in your face…it isn’t about a workout. Its about something that is inside. They need to be motivated to be healthy.”

“People who eat junk food like that have no right to complain about their size.” (this was said during the dealing of the contraband candy)

“Its just like the real world. Its just like everything. Guys will ALWAYS go for the skinniest girl. They always do. They look down the line and pick the skinniest…”

“That’s the most important line of the show {Ian’s} when he says, ‘I look in the mirror and say ‘Okay, I’m okay. At least I’m not that guy’ just to get through the day.’ I get that.”

“People will do anything to get what they want. It doesn’t matter how unhealthy it is, they’ll do it.”

“Oh my God. Ugh. Oh, those pictures above Amber’s bed…they’re just so….” and then much more quietly, “Photos like that, they are everywhere.”

Some of that was hard for me to hear, knowing these girls like I have for two years.  It hurt me to know that they hurt. It angered me to know they’ve been taught not like their own beautiful, young, healthy bodies. It hurt me to know that they felt they didn’t measure up. I could hear pain in the voice of one girl who explained that guys will always go for the skinniest girl, and that she would never be that girl. I sat heartbroken when one of the girls explained to me that she has two best friends who are skinnier than she is, so when she goes out to eat with them she only eats half of her meal “so people don’t think I’m a pig”. I wanted to cry when she said that, because this particular girl is bubbly and athletic and smart and friendly. I’d never use the word ‘pig’ to describe her, yet that is how she described herself when eating. When the THINspiration photos were shown, they all let out a groan, so I paused the show. I asked “What was that about?” and they all answered, almost unanimously, “That stuff is everywhere.” The images of unattainable body perfection that were removed from these girls through a television set, had them upset. Tiny little images on the tv. I asked how it made them feel, and again, they all answered “Not good enough.” I asked if they thought those images were real, or photoshopped. They were quiet. I said, “I want you girls to know, every photo in print you see like that? Every single one is retouched. Every.Single.One” and two of the girls had big tears in their eyes.

We debated which trainer we liked better – boot camp style Shay or encouraging & gentle George. We debated if Caitlin should have been sent home when Wil was not — we settled on Caitlin needing to seek medical help the camp couldn’t give her when Wil just broke the rules. We all agreed that Wil wasn’t comfortable with her body or who she is, and she used humor and maliciousness to lash out at people who did care about their health. I could tell this group of friends wasn’t afraid to disagree with each other, but through every minute of our four hour conversation they were respectful of one another….even when one of the girls talked about being gay and it was the first time another one of the friends was finding out. Complete respect. Respect when the skinniest girl spoke, respect when the largest girl spoke. Respect. I want to bottle and sell these girls.

I asked the girls, after the show was over two give me two thoughts about HUGE:

“They did a great job of hitting the nail on the head about what it is like to be a big person.”

“You got the drama of high school through the lens of fat people.”

“It was just so real. They used real people.”

“I’m skinny and I’m not okay with myself. I know I’m skinny, but I wear guy’s clothing because, because it is like my safety zone.”

“People should know that we’re smart. Teen agers are smart and we really care about stuff and people don’t listen to us. We have things we want to say.”

And did they. Still unsure of where I sat on their cool-meter, it was a summer night after all, I wasn’t sure if they would want to bolt. So I asked if they wanted to do Jess Weiner’s Conversation Starter, and they all wanted to stay. For the next three hours I saw friends open up, share some really raw stuff, and continue to love each other. They didn’t even interrupt each other. And, I’ll have you know, they weren’t texting. They were looking at me and looking at each other and listening. They liked the Conversation Guide, and would like one for each week. Here are some of their replies:

• #1: They weren’t aware of “Living HUGE”, but wanted to talk about it more next week. Some felt they were living huge, others said no, others said ‘Not yet, but I have plans’.
• #2: Girls liked the idea of seeing a diversity of people and body sizes on tv. They liked the “realness” of it. They discussed understanding what it is like to be judged for your physical appearance, to be watched as you eat in public. And, much to my great delight, they called out the duplicity in advertising for the other ABC Family shows with uber skinny actresses, “skinny” coffee creamer, Shape Ups walking shoes, and two thin girls on a plane eating a candy bar.
• #5: They all felt Wil was in a place of self-defense and was using her humor to cut people down and put walls up around herself.
• #6: The girls said they didn’t think these things, but common stereotypes about overweight people are: eat unhealthy, their fault, don’t exercise, unmotivated and lazy, don’t want to change, didn’t try hard enough to be healty
• #7: Girls agreed “healthy” meant being healthy for your frame, for your own body. It was a number on the scale or a pants size. It was a feeling, not a look.
• #8: When asked about the pressure girls face to be perfect looking, I asked “On a scale of 1 to 10″ and before I got the words out, they all said “TEN! It is everywhere”. I then asked where do they see healthy media, and they shrugged and got quiet. Then two answered together, “Oh, those Dove commercials.” (hear that, Jess Weiner?) and another answered “Bra commercials that show bigger ladies.”
• #9: They wished girls were judged by intelligence, grades, athleticism, personality, and who they are as an overall person.
• #10: Girls thought teens are labeled as: moody, stupid, dumb, naive, invincible, lazy
• #13: Many of the girls answered yes to having known a friend who had suffered (and one had sought treatment for) from an eating disorder.

Those are my girls! Aren’t you impressed? I was. They like HUGE and thought the show has huge potential. I am so, so grateful they came to my home and gave me the pleasure of their conversation and their thoughts. I am grateful they saw my two healthy children bound in the door and my loving husband clean up the kitchen and put the kids to bed. They got to see a great, good looking guy be a super husband and capable father and seemingly accepting of the fact his wife isn’t a size 2. They got to see that skinny girls don’t get ALL of the good guys.

I’m so excited to watch with them again next week I already have their healthy dinner planned out. And the week after.

After we finished the Conversation Guide we talked about everything: dating, dating violence, abortion, drugs, partying, school, parents, friends, Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift vs Miley Cyrus, music, eating disorders, tv shows, religion, sexual orientation, homophobia, marriage, Justin Bieber, birth control, teachers, and cyberbullying. That stuff will stay private in our space, but what I will tell the world? These girls are damn smart. SO LISTEN TO THEM.

And I am so grateful for these three comments the girls sent me today, because had the show stunk, this would have made it worth it:

“Thank you for having us over. Your family is so cute and you are so cool. I left your house feeling so happy last night.”

“That is the most I’ve ever seen my friends open up. Thank you so much for letting us be at your house.”

and this

“l’m just all for this right now. We all are. We’re happy to get this out there and have all these important people making a difference actually listen to us when we speak.”

ALWAYS use your voice, Girls.  Thank you and XOXOXO to A, B, L, C1, C2, S, and Little C — you girls rock my world. See you next week.

Thank you to Jess Weiner’s Actionist Network(R) and the other #HUGEActionists who have taken the time to bring the conversation to the table.

As you may have heard, tonight at 9/8c ABC Family a very bold show will premier – HUGE. It will be a first for prime time tv as the cast of HUGE stars overweight weight teens. Yes, stars of the show are people who would not otherwise fit our culture’s standard of beauty, even acceptance. ABC Family went all or nothing on this one. The cast isn’t just “full figured” or carrying “an athletic build”. They are overweight, some even obese. In a word, they are fat.

There are going to be a lot of questions and discussions to be had after tonight’s premier. Luckily, we have Jess Weiner on our side. Jess is an author, speaker, girl advocate and body image expert. And she is a leader as her Actionist Network(R) is dedicated to creating a nation of confident women and girls. Pigtail Pals is very proud to be a member.  ABC Family approached Jess for guidance on their risk taking show. They knew they had to do this right. It might be the smartest thing a network has ever done. Jess Weiner can talk the talk, and my friends, I’ve seen the woman walk the walk. Jess knew how important this show could be in helping people with body image issues of all kinds. Healthy body image is a big issue right now with young people, both male and female, and Jess knows that HUGE may be the platform to change some thinking and prevalent stereotypes. MOST IMPORTANTLY – Jess is THE person to direct a meaningful, beneficial national discussion on weight, fat, body image, acceptance, and self love. I think Jess is just the woman to teach all of us how to live HUGE.

Want to see for yourself? Without further ado……

Jess Weiner’s Conversation Starter for HUGE:

These questions are intended to help create a conversation amongst viewers of HUGE. There are no right or wrong answers. Just some things to think about…

1. What was your initial reaction to the title of this series? What did you think it meant? Did your opinion change after seeing the show?

2. How did you feel seeing overweight people have the lead roles on a TV show? Why do you think we don’t see many overweight people in leading roles on TV? Do you think this show can change the way we look at people of different sizes?

3. Each character has their own relationship and struggle with their body image and weight. Which character do you relate with the most so far? What has your own experience with body image felt like?

4. The issue of weight can bring up many feelings, why do you think it is such an emotional topic to address?

5. The character, Will, seems pretty angry at times. What do you think she is angry about? Where do you think her anger is directed (society, her parents, her peers, the camp, etc)?

6. What do you think it might feel like to be an overweight teenager? What obstacles or challenges do you think they might face on a daily basis? What stereotypes do you think people have about someone who is overweight?

7. What does being ‘healthy’ mean to you? Do you think that health is only defined by what you weigh? What other attributes make a person ‘healthy’?

8. Do you think girls and women face a lot of pressure about their weight? Where do you think that pressure comes from? Is it the same or worse for boys?

9. The character, Amber, says, “I’m good at dieting, I’ve been doing it all my life”. What do you think she meant by that? What other areas do you wish girls were recognized for, outside of their weight or appearance (for instance: grades, sports, etc.)

10. Everyone at Camp Victory has at one point been labeled the ‘fat’ kid. What other labels do teens experience? Have you ever been labeled? If so, how did that make you feel?

11. Most of the characters are encouraged to keep journals. Why do you think writing down your feelings could be helpful in expressing them? Have you ever kept a journal? Has it been helpful?

12. All of these characters are living HUGE lives: they are taking risks, challenging stereotypes and learning more about the people they really are. Are you living a HUGE life? What can you do to make your life more HUGE?

13. The character, Caitlin, leaves camp because she is struggling with bulimia, which requires medi cal and psychological treatment. Do you know anyone who has struggled with an eating disor der before? What can you do if you think your friend might have an eating disorder?  For more information go to:http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/information-resources/family-and-friends.php

14. ABC Family believes that healthy living means living life to the fullest! What could you do today to begin living a healthier, fuller life?

Jess Weiner is an author, self-esteem expert and lives a HUGE life by helping girls around the world feel more confident!