Posts Tagged ‘age compression’

Barbie Fashionista. Box says for ages 3+.

My youngest brother is home for the holidays, and while at Target toy shopping for my kids, he decided to go into the Barbie aisle because over Thanksgiving he had watched the 20/20 piece featuring SPARK Summit dynamo Dana Edell and was stunned at what was going on in girlhood. He couldn’t believe some of what he saw during the interview with Dana wasn’t illegal. He has heard me talk about it for several years, but he wanted to see it for himself. He lives in Costa Rica and doesn’t have kids, so a lot of what Pigtail Pals talks about isn’t on his radar.

He was shopping for Legos for Amelia and Benny, but walked into the Barbie aisle to see what the fuss was about. Over Christmas he asked me, “Why are all of the Barbies dressed like whores?”.  Valid question, pejorative aside. The Barbie to our left has a face loaded with make-up, a skin-tight shirt that reads Miss Sassy, a chain link belt, and a hot pink thong clearly visible under the metallic hot pink micro-miniskirt that barely covers her Barbie bum.

For the record, he got his niece a four foot long stuffed dolphin. Good uncle.

Why do almost all of the plastic dolls we see in the toy aisles look like what we would stereotype as a sex worker? I have yet to understand how companies are passing these off as children’s toys. But parents are accepting it, and buying them, and the cycle continues.

But for parents who aren’t buying it, and who are working hard to keep their young daughters from being sexualized, how in the world does one explain Monster High to a five year old? The thing with Monster High et al is that they are so highly inappropriate, it is kind of inappropriate to discuss with a child why they are inappropriate. Since we can’t really use words like “skid row hooker” with our kindergartners and all…

Last night on our Facebook page I was asked the following:
“How do you explain why the Monster High dolls, and the like, aren’t good to a 5 year old? How do you explain what is wrong with them? I told her once that ‘they’re just not very nice.’ I honestly didn’t know what to tell her!” -Danielle

Mattel's Monster High character Clawdeen Wolf, for ages 6+.

This was my reply when the situation arose for Amelia and I:

What I said to my 5yo was that Monster High dolls were dressed in a way that I felt was inappropriate for children, that their faces looked mean not nice, and that their bodies sent our hearts unhealthy messages. We talked about different colors of hair and skin being really cool, but that these dolls made little girls focus too much on being pretty for other people and being too grown-up and that is not what kids need to do.

A few months down the road when she asked for more info, I told her that Monster High dolls have the kind of bodies that can make girls sick, because a real person could never have a body like that, and that I loved my little girl’s healthy body so much I would never want her to have something that would make her think her body wasn’t amazing.

And when she kept pushing about the clothing, I told her that girls who dress like that often don’t have full and happy hearts, and they use clothing like that to get attention and make themselves feel full. Then I took it a step further, and had her come upstairs to her dress up drawer, and picked out clothing I knew was way too small and tight for her. She put it on, and I told her to go play. Amelia said she couldn’t move because of her clothes. I then asked if she thought Monster High was silly, because how could those girls move and be teenagers who do fun things and play sports. She said she thought maybe they just stood around and looked pretty.

I told her she was absolutely right. And then we talked about other toys she had, how different they looked, and what kinds of things those dolls could do instead. I hope to grow the idea of full and happy hearts as Amelia (and Benny) age, to help her make good and healthy decisions about all kinds of things: healthy eating and exercise, drugs and alcohol, sex and relationships, good behavior in school, etc. If that is our baseline, I think the things that fall so far outside of that, whether it is Monster High or music lyrics or friends who are a bad influence, my kids will see it for what it is and be that much more equipped to make good choices for themselves.

I want to teach them to use their intuition and common sense when it comes to hard decisions. It is what I do when I tell myself there is no way in hell that dolls like Monster High or Bratz or hooker Barbies will end up in my home. I respect my children far too much to feed them a diet of garbage like that.

Then another mom added this:

“My 4 year old asked the same thing. I pointed out the clothing and said that girls her age don’t wear clothes that look like that. She seemed ok with that answer at this point, but I am certain we will need to go more in depth with it soon! We had the same convo over the Bratz dolls and some Barbies too.” -Christi

Mattel says Monster High is for tweens and teens. Which would be true, if teens played with dolls and shopped in the toy aisle and stood three feet tall.

Guest Post by Pigtail Pals Parent Community member Amanda T. She shares her preschool-aged daugther’s experience getting a make-over at a spa. In a closet.

My fun, adventurous, huge-hearted four-year-old, ‘M’, has her very first best friend. She will tell anyone with ears that ‘A’ is her “first friend that’s a girl and who does not live with us”.

We love A. She is just as fun, adventurous, and loving as our M. We love A’s parents, too, even though we only know them from preschool drop-off, pick-up, and the few events we’ve had so far (fellow Navy family, in a home with even more daughters than ours – instant kinship). I tell you this so you’ll understand how M and I came to end up in Pretty Pretty Princess Hell. I’m still not sure how to put what happened into words without getting ‘snippy’, so I’ll just tell you how our three hours went that Saturday afternoon – that way you never have to wonder what you’re (not) missing.

We arrived at the party location, and discover it’s not even a ‘spa/salon’, but a clothing store whose small stock room has been turned into a ‘party room’ for either Divas or Pretty Princesses, depending on the ages of the guests, I suppose. The guests for our party range from age 2 to 5. Surely this will be more cake and dress-up than holding still in a chair, right? M is hastily tied into a fluffy pink robe and her “please make it sooo tight and put the ribbons riiiight HERE” hairdo is smushed into a matching headband by a young lady proclaiming, “NOW you’re ready to get pretty!” (In my head: “Well, Miss Pretty, my kid’s hair WAS out of her face, and we got ‘pretty’ before we left the house.”)

M shoots me her first “What? Why?!” look of the afternoon. The kids are given chocolate fizzy water to soak their toes in, Kidz Bop is blaring from a boombox, Miss Pretty busies herself with new guests, I make small-talk with the other moms, and the pink-on-pink décor in this way-too-small room stops being nauseating for a little bit. An hour passes, and the girls have not been “allowed” to get up. There’s nowhere to walk if they DO get up. They are restless. The Other Cool Mom and I say so, out loud. Miss Pretty passes out magazines and practically coos, “Look at all the pretty ladies and their pretty hair and makeup! Aren’t they so pretty? Can you find some pretty girls?”

The Other Cool Mom and I look over and around the rolling carts of makeup and polishes: They’ve given 2, 4, and 5 year olds Glamour and Seventeen magazines. The Rage officially fills me. I am pleased to see M staring at an orange juice ad, and pointing out that the lady in the ad likes to run fast. Miss Pretty pops up and TURNS MY DAUGHTER’S PAGE, saying, “No, not HER. Find a pretty lady.”

M gives me a look that is only a teensy bit shy of the “What the HELL?!”.  The Rage is screaming inside my head. I, loudly, tell M that running so fast probably DOES make that lady feel pretty, and M and I smile at each other. Well, M smiles. I flat out smirk at Miss Pretty. The Other Cool Mom winks at me. Miss Pretty turns two other guests’ pages for them. M gets her nails painted blue and her toes are purple glitter.

Miss Pretty moves to do someone else’s nails, and stops mid-circle of party guests to sing and dance along with the radio, “Don’tcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Don’tcha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?”. Other Cool Mom, A’s dad, and I are the only grown-ups in the crowded party room at the time, and say – loudly – that maybe the song should be changed. Miss Pretty dances and sings. A’s dad asks – loudly – where the radio is. Miss Pretty shimmies to another 4 year old. The Rage takes over, and I cross the circle of chairs and tap her, “Let’s change the music, please. The only time we want our 4 and 5 year olds ‘hot’ is if they’re on the playground during Summer. Mm ‘kay?”

Miss Pretty puts on Miley Cyrus. A’s dad and Other Cool Mom smile, and we laugh at the absurdity of the entire situation. You’d think that was the worst of it, right? Of course not. This is only the second circle of Hell.

 We’ve got a way to go. M settled, waiting for her polish to dry, I step out of the cramped storeroom spa to admire the clothing and hair bands in the boutique storefront, guessing that cake and dress up would be next. After purchasing a gift for my nephew, I step back in to find the girls STILL SITTING. We got here at 2pm. It’s nearly 3:30! M looks worried, like she wants to come to me. She shoots me another “What? Why?!” look as oatmeal is offered to her. They are smearing oatmeal on the babies. For cryin’ out loud! Let them have cake! M refuses the ‘facial’, slumps into her chair, and looks like she may cry. She is uncomfortable, not ‘into’ this, and now asking A if there is cake to be had. I’m this close to making excuses and bolting, but she perks up when she sees the makeup another school chum has been plied with. It’s blue. It sparkles. It will wash off easily when we leave. Hooray for something that resembles ‘kid fun’ !

While the girls’ eyelids are being painted blue and purple, Other Mom and I find each other again. More moms and grandparents have showed up – and not only approve of, but are now riding the Pretty Pretty train. I spy a plaque on the wall and baffled, point to it and say, “I don’t get it. They painted it all cute like it’s…”

“Oh! Isn’t it darling?” says Other Cool Mom. WHAT? Did Other Cool Mom just say that? This sign is hot pink and black, with matching feathers coming off a mirror attached to what we call “a stripper shoe” with the words ‘High Maintenance’ above it all. And Other Cool Mom loves it, thinks it’s ‘darling’, even. I look at her like she’s turned green and sprouted antennae and finish my sentence, “I just don’t get it. They’ve got this decorated and nailed to the wall as if the label is a badge of honor. I’m not having it.” And so Other Cool Mom and I didn’t talk the rest of the day.

Back to the babies. They’re made up. They’re allowed to move around! There’s glitter spray – heavy duty stuff, not the cheap Halloween aisle kind. Miss Pretty grabs M’s arm, pulls her away from me, places one hand over her eyes and nose in a grasp hard enough to keep her from moving, and proceeds to practically bedazzle my baby’s head and half her party dress. M frowns. M just washed her hair this morning. M is not pleased. She looks right at Miss Pretty and tells her –before I can swoop in and be That Mom – “I didn’t say I needed glitters.” Miss Pretty places her hands on M’s shoulders and coos, “Aww! Don’t you want to be pretty? A pretty pretty princess? Everyone is doing it, see?”.

Oh, The Rage. Everything that comes out of this female’s mouth is just wrong. M looks at me. I look at her. She says to Miss Pretty, without a word from me, “Well, acting pretty is better.” But Miss Pretty doesn’t get it (imagine that!). The girls are dressing up now. M has spotted microphones – she has a small collection of microphones at home, ranging from plastic ones to a full-blown cordless karaoke mic. Two ‘pretty pretty princesses’ physically move M to cut in line. M wants to cry. I remind her to use manners and to say ‘excuse me, but I was here’, but she’s too timid, too uncomfortable, and getting mean-girl-looks from these 4 year olds. Four year olds!

She’s over it. She wants to go home. But we love A. A is her best gal. A is loving that M is there. M clings to A, and waits for her turn. “I don’t want this gloves. I just want only this microphone”, she tells Miss Pretty’s companion. “Oh no! Pretty Princesses wear gloves!” exclaims the companion. 

“Oh, I just wanted to be the rock star. I’m a rock star. I had blue hair for Halloween,” M informs the woman.

“No. You can’t be a rock star. A rock star is not as pretty and good as a pretty princess.”

Can you FEEL The Rage? My already uncomfortable daughter is being forced into gloves (She hates gloves, mittens, long sleeves). She concedes and asks for a purple princess cape. The pretty pretty princesses are herded out onto the rainy sidewalk for pictures. M doesn’t smile until she realizes she can twirl in her cape and use the ‘wand’ as a microphone. She sings about being a rock star even though she’s a princess. Mommy is pleased. I pull her aside as a new mom walks up and flips out when she spots her daughter-turned-bedazzled-princess – HERE is a true comrade in arms (if she had a FB, she’d friend Pigtail Pals. She rocks.)

She overhears as I tell M how proud I am of her for telling Miss Pretty that ‘acting pretty is better than being pretty’, and we spend the rest of the party outside agreeing with each other’s ‘not-so-mianstream’ views on raising daughters. M looks back at the room, knows she is needed for cake (finally!), and says to New Cool Mom and I, “This lady with the makeups thinks being pretty is all she can do. She is worrying me.” And she runs off. Proud Mom Moment. She sleeps on the way home. I rant and rave to anyone who answers their phone about what’s happened. Once home, M and I have ‘mom spa’ time: a bubbly kitchen sink hair washing, mommy’s special make-up remover (that blue was eyeliner, not shadow – she ended up at church the next day with blue bottom lashes), some hot cocoa with a huge marshmallow, and some SEC football on the tv. Once her big sister wakes up from a nap, they swap stories of their parties that afternoon.

M is quick to tell R, “It was not fun, but I liked to see my friends, and they had pink lemo-lade. A tall lady told me to only be pretty all the time, but she is wrong because we need to be all the things, not just one thing. Be friendly. Be an adventure girl. Be smart. Be happy. Be a helper. Be sweet sisters.”

R nods, asks me what happened, and we discuss it. She looks concerned. In true 5-year old social butterfly fashion she asks, “So, can I still be very pretty when I be all the other things?” Of course you can, R. Of course. M is quick to point out that it’s better to ACT pretty than BE pretty – her way of saying being nice is more important than getting dolled up. R has adopted the line, too. Proud Mommy!

Here’s a confusing question for you – Which of these things is not like the other one? Fuzzy animal backpacks, a child’s bathrobe, pint-sized high heels, and crotchless thong panties.

Wait, maybe that’s a trick question. Let’s do it this way – Which of these things would be the LAST thing you’d expect to find in a children’s apparel store? Fuzzy animal backpacks, a child’s bathrobe, pint-sized high heels, and crotchless thong panties.

Or, we could do it this way – If you had to pick a store display that said “Child Prostitution Ring” to you, what would you pick? I’ll go first:  Fuzzy animal backpacks, a child’s bathrobe, pint-sized high heels, and crotchless thong panties.

Three weeks after the story out of Greeley Colorado broke, I still have more questions than answers in the Crotchless Panty Caper. Mostly because the owners of Kids N Teen have not answered their phone for three weeks, and Greeley Mall management won’t return my phone calls. I even sent a mom into Kids N Teen and the mall management offices, and no one is interested in talking. Now, I’m a retailer, and I do two things. One, I answer my business phone every time it rings, because it is my business phone. Two, when a customer has a question, I make myself available to answer it.

But that isn’t the case here, as mall management told the mom I sent in to ask questions to leave, and then had her followed by security. And despite the pretty ballsy move by Kids N Teen to not only sell thong underwear in a store for children, but to also choose to order, receive shipment of, enter into inventory, tag, and then stock crotchless panties in juvenile sizes….No one at the Greeley Mall seems to think they need to answer to angry parents who find it grossly inappropriate to sell novelty sex items to children.

I am of the opinion that if you are a businessperson attempting to make money by sexualizing and pornifying childhood, you’re going to need to be prepared to answer to very angry parents.

I’ll tell you what I know first, and it is going to differ a little from what you might have already read. Then I’ll tell what I think I know, and then what I’d like to know. Keep in mind, only one media outlet covered this story – reported by Nick McGurk from Denver’s Channel 9. Anything else you have read or seen on ABC’s 20/20 or anywhere else came from Nick’s work, and the eyewitness accounts of two women. Erin French is the name you’ll recognize from the news, the other woman is Debbie. Debbie is the mother of the young girl who was featured in the news story, and who was approached by the male store owner. I worked with Erin and Debbie for three straight days to try to determine who the manufacturer of these panties is, and talked with them about how this has affected their families.

Information I have confirmed:

• Kids N Teen opened in late October/early November and carries a very wide range of children’s apparel, apparently spanning from toddler to teenage years. This is an independent store, not part of a chain, and the two owners seem to be working in the store and do not have employees.
• During the first two weeks of November, Kids N Teen was selling thong and crotchless thong panties.
• The female owner admitted to Debbie that when the crotchless panties arrived at the store she was unsure if she should stock them or not, ultimately deciding to do so.
• The crotchless panties were in the back of the store, displayed in its own section with these items: thong panties, fuzzy animal backpacks, childrens bathrobes, and pint-sized high heels. There was no seperate teen section, despite the store owner telling press the reason she carried the thong underwear was because 25% of her inventory is for teens.  
• On or around November 14th, the Kids N Teen owners were asked by mall management to remove the crotchless panties (but not the thongs) from their shelves. Kids N Teen complied.
• On November 15 I made numerous calls to popular lingerie retailers and was told by all of them that they do not carry crotchless panties, and that I would need to go to a “sex shop” to find an “racy item” like that.
• On November 15 I made numerous attempts to contact both mall management for Greeley Mall and Kids N Teen. My messages were not returned.
• On November 16 when I sent a mom back into Kids N Teen to try to buy a pair of the crotchless panties so that we could determine the manufacturer, she was told the store no longer carried them. When she pressed further to say she knew the store still had to have them on site and she just wanted to see who the manufacturer was, the store owner said she would not reveal her vendor. (I listened to this conversation via cell phone.)
• On November 16 Erin and Debbie contacted the Greeley Police Department asking for their assistance, and expressing their concern of a larger issue at play with this store located directly across the walk-way from the children’s play area. The women were told the police could not do anything and there was no cause for investigation.
• On November 17 when I spoke with the buyer for an adult store and novelty sex shop near my home, she said several things to me that are very important. One: She and her staff would absolutely give me any assistance needed to determine the manufacturer of these panties that very clearly come in extremely small sizes. The idea of child-sized crotchless panties apalled her.  Two: She has a very difficult time finding XSmall-sized lingerie and novelty garments for her own customers, and she felt someone who received very small crotchless panties most likely searched them out, and very intentionally ordered them.  Three: She felt very confident these items came from an overseas vendor, as with all of her years in the business she has never come across an American company making an item like this for the teen or children’s market. 
• The four women involved in this story – Erin, Debbie, the adult store manager, and myself all admitted to each other coming to the same feeling independent of each other: This story stinks of child prostitution.

Let me be clear – at this point in time the only thing I think the Kids N Teen owners are guilty of is a grossly negligent and irresponsible decision to carry very racy thong and crotchless panties in an apparel store for children.

Let me be clear – as a former criminal investigator, when I was told all of the little pieces of this story that on their own don’t make a lot of sense, but when put together create a shady picture, my intuition tells me this story stinks of something bigger than a couple of racy panties hanging in a store in a dying shopping mall.

Other pieces of information, unconfirmed:

• During the original shopping trip that Erin and Debbie were on when they filmed the crotchless panties, Debbie said that the middle-aged male store owner saw her seven year old daugther Paige looking at the display of thongs, told her the price fo the garment, and asked is she liked them and wanted a pair.
• The owners of Kids N Teen own several other retail locations in the mall. The mall is struggling financially.
• There were many questions from our Facebook Parent Community as to whether or not the store owners were foreign, maybe explaining a cultural difference in views on the panties. Because I have not spoken directly to the store owners, I will not comment further on this. I will say that I think crotchless panties have a rather universal understanding as to their purpose and use.
• After an extensive internet search, I could not find crotchless panties that matched what Erin and Debbie showed us in the video made on their cell phone. I am at a dead end for determining who the manufacturer of the panties is.
• The Kids N Teen owner claims she ordered the thongs for her store, but the crotchless panties were a free gift from her vendor. The adult store manager said she thought is was highly unlikely, as a new shop that only dedicates 25% inventory to teen apparel would not have placed a large enough wholesale order to earn an assortment of free lingerie. She also was highly suspect of all of the ”free lingerie” being in such very small sizes.

So it is a great mystery, how these child-sized crotchless panties arrived at this children’s apparel store and who is responsible for making these in child sizes to begin with. But is there mystery in why the Kids N Teen owner decided to sell them? And the more important question, why did she think they would sell? When “family-friendly” department stores have been carrying panties in the junior’s section for years with highly sexually-suggestive slogans….how many steps away were we from selling actually novelty sex items to girls? When we will say NO MORE to retailers meeting their bottom line by sexualizating and pornifying our daughter’s girlhood? When will enough be enough?

Yeah, you read that correctly. They really exist. 

I know, my head exploded, too. If ever three words did not belong together, they would be it.

Here’s the back story, in case you haven’t heard: A new store named Kids N Teen opened a couple of weeks ago in the Greeley Mall in Colorado. A mom and her 7 year old daughter were shopping there when they came upon crotchless and thong panties, in children’s sizes. Nick McGurk from Channel 9 has a great report here.

We’re going to hear directly from the mom and her little girl in a bit, specifically about the moment when one of the store owners, a man around 40 years old, told the 7 year old girl the price of the crotchless panties and asked if she wanted a pair. Yes, you read that correctly. I know, my head exploded, too.

I was told about two conversations had by two different people with one of the owners of the shop, who justified the selling of crotchless panties in children’s sizes with this:

1. Approximately 25% of their inventory is dedicated to teens.

2. Parents take their teens shopping at Victoria’s Secret, and Victoria’s Secret carries them.

Putting aside the argument that crotchless panties are not appropriate for teens shopping at Kids N Teen, and the small detail that the legal age for consent is 18 years old….I wanted to check up on the Victoria’s Secret claim, because crotchless panties are usually considered an adult bedroom novelty and NOT sold at places like Victoria’s Secret. They are sold in sex shops. And, apparently, Kids N Teen.

So I called my local Victoria’s Secret — nope, they do not carry crotchless panties and never have.

Next I called the Victoria’s Secret in the Greeley Mall, just down the way from Kids N Teen. (Also, I told a little white lie…)

Victoria’s Secret salesperson: “Hello, Victoria’s Secret. Can I help you?”

Me: “Hi, I have a bachelorette party this weekend, and I’m in charge of buying the bride some racy panties. Do you carry anything like, um, crotchless panties?”

VS: “No. We don’t carry items like that. We have lingerie and thongs, but those are usually found at a place like Spencer’s Gifts, or maybe like a novelty shop. Usually the really racy things like crotchless panties or edible panties are at the novelty shops.”

Me: “Oh, I see. ‘Novelty shop’, do you mean like a sex shop? But nowhere in the mall would carrystuff like that?”

VS: “No, probably not. Usually you have to go to a novelty shop for those kind of racier items.”

Me: “Huh. Okay, this is the weirdest phone call I’ve ever made. Thanks so much for your help.”

I’m not really in the market for crotchless panties, but now I know I can get them at sex shops. Or, Kids N Teen, right across from the toddler play space, if I live in Greeley Colorado.

I am sending someone to the store today to confirm the crotchless panties are gone. I hear they are still selling the thongs. They are hanging next to the animal-print strappy heels in children’s sizes, and the slinky bathrobes.

If the owners of Kids N Teen ever answer their phone, I’ve got a list of questions for them, including who manufactures kiddie crotchless panties, why Kids N Teen purchased and stocked them, and why Kids N Teen is attempting to sell them to minors.

I’m going to go scrub my eyeballs now.

I do not have a sign posted anywhere in my home saying ”Barbie and Princesses Forbidden”.  They simply aren’t a part of our media diet. Not on our radar. We have dolls and we have stories that involve a princess character, but they fall into a menagerie of toys, books, and characters.  

Amelia, my five year old girl.

I like that my daughter is five years old, going on six. I cherish childhood. I don’t shelter her, I just offer her a more healthy diet of influences for her childhood. At our house, it is Bindi Irwin over Barbie. Dr. Mireya Mayor over marriage for a princess. My daughter loves science, nature, art, and the Penguins of Madagascar. This weekend she discovered Star Wars when my husband gave the kids some little action figures from his youth. It is not so much that I have forbidden things from my home, as it is more my husband and I offer different choices. My daughter sees toys and images we don’t have in our home when she plays at other people’s houses, or when she is at school. It isn’t a big deal. I do not feel this will undo my parenting. She doesn’t consider them to be the proverbial “forbidden fruit”. She simply has been raised to have different interests and influences.

There has been an on going discussion on the Pigtail Pals’ twitter and facebook pages about toys for girls that some parents feel are too sexy and aren’t allowed in the home. Everyone seems to have a different opinion. Some allow Barbie, but say no way to makeup. Others allow makeup, but say no way to Monster High and Bratz. Some moms allow Tinker Bell, but say no way to Princesses….you get the picture. Everyone has their different line of acceptable/unacceptable.

In my opinion, sexy toys undermine the woman I am trying to raise my daughter to become.

I do not find the behavior of sexually precocious children to be cute. I do not like when little girls are dressed like mini adults. I especially do not like that the toy aisles geared toward my daughter are a pink explosion carrying messages about sexiness, narrowly defined beauty, narcissism, shopping, and becoming someone’s bride.

I think girlhood is an extremely important time for our daughters, as these years will lay a foundation for the women they will grow into.

So where your line sits will be up to you, what you allow or don’t allow. Maybe you think all of it is a big deal. Maybe you think none of it is a big deal. Maybe you pick and choose your battles.

I just want you to think about this when you make your decisions:

“It’s undeniably true that girls are encouraged to sexualize themselves at early ages, and that this can harm their developing sense of self. But our cultural sense of responsibility is deeply skewed. We condition young girls to aspire to an extremely restrictive standard of beauty and sexuality from almost the day they come into the world. We surround them with sexualized images of women, and tell them that these women have special value. And then, when little girls start behaving or dressing like those beautiful, desirable, special women — when they engage in the very childlike activity of imitating their role models — we condemn the girls and their parents…” -Sady Doyle for Global Comment.

I do not ban anything. I simply choose not accept any of the following for my daughter and her girlhood.

And my daughter seems to be doing just fine.

For my kids, we have small birthday parties, but I try to have a list of 10-12 gifts, and then I share 1-2 ideas per invited family. My group of mommy friends is really awesome at asking what the child would like as a gift, and I just say something simple like, “We are so glad you can join us for the party! To answer your question about a gift for Amelia, she still loves all things oceanography and science related, and of course art supplies for her are always a hit.” This also makes it easier for the shopper, especially if they bring their child along to help shop, they have more to work with should they not be able to find one item suggested.

The other problem with suggesting gifts on the invite is that people may not think the same way you do. Asking for “age appropriate, gender neutral toys” may mean absolutely nothing to them. We have family friends that have no problem with their boys running around with toys guns, and other family friends whose entire house is a shrine to Barbie and the Tinkerbell. Instead I am very direct, and if they ask for gift ideas, I have a list of items at the ready, and can give a couple of suggestions within a $10-20 price point.

To answer your next question, yes, if emailing the party details to your family is acceptable and expected practice within your clan and it is standard to make gift suggestions at that time, then who am I to rile you up. If that is how your extended family gets business done, that’s fine. My family does that at Christmas time because we are scattered across the globe, and it just makes things easier. I also think it is fine to request “No gifts please” and just enjoy a day of fun, and later on exchange a few gifts from family. We have done this in the past, and I know families that do this every year – instead of gifts, ask for teddy bears and books that will be donated to the women’s shelter, school supplies to be donated, pet supplies for the animal shelter, or grocery items for the food pantry. Since kids whose families use the food pantry have birthdays, it would be fun for each guest to bring their own supplies to contribute to a big group of birthday party items, like cake mix, icing, candles, balloons, streamers, and colored plates/napkins. Every kid should get to make a wish on their birthday.

Since birthday parties are really about celebrating the child, not hauling in gifts, an idea that I think is so cool that I learned from a mom from our facebook page is to ask that the attending child make a gift for the host. She said they have received really cool craft projects, very sweet cards, and a few painted rocks for the birthday girl’s garden. I thought that was a great way to teach kids about consumerism, crafting, the nature of giving, and the graciousness of receiving a gift from the heart.

For questions on how and where to shop for a great toy or gift, see this post I wrote, “Toy Shopping Tips”.  (hint: independent toy stores and online mommy-owned businesses. Ahem.)

What to do with that gift that drives you up the wall. There is a strong possibility your child will receive a gift that you do not approve of. Amelia has received make-up before that I wasn’t prepared for and wasn’t crazy about, but I let it slide because after a day or two, it was forgotten. Had the gift been a Bratz or Monster High doll, we would have sat down and talked in an age appropriate way about why her dad and I feel these kinds of dolls are inappropriate for children. Of course, it is kind of tricky to explain why something is so inappropriate when a kid this age shouldn’t even be thinking about the inappropriate aspects of the inappropriate toy. “Dressed like a sex worker” and “vapid lifestyle focused on partying and consumer consumption” are just not phrases or ideas I want her to pick up. I know there are parents who just scoop it up and toss it, but that doesn’t allow your child the opportunity to learn or build critical thinking skills (unless your kid is two, then yes, pitch it). Better to explain why the gift won’t be staying in your home, take the child with you to return it, and help them pick out something that is a better choice. Before you head to the store, have a short conversation about what are better choices and what price point you are working with. You might even want to write a list (or draw pictures for pre-readers) of three or four other choices, that way you have a visual cue to use if you need to reference back to the conversation. Put your child in the driver’s seat, and make it about them making a good choice, not you taking away a “bad” toy. That, my friends, is media literacy and critical thinking, and a little bit of budget managing to boot…..Necessary and wonderful skills to give your children.

All of this, by the way, applies to when your child is the shopper, choosing a gift for a party he or she will be attending. Talk about what rules or limits the other family might have, and what the gift your child is choosing tells the recipient about their friendship. Any kid can buy the hottest toy off of the shelf. But your kid is so awesome and such a good friend, he/she knows that the birthday boy/girl plays board games with their family every Friday night, or that he/she loves art and horses. Work from there, and pick a gift that really honors who that child is as a person.

(A tip on teaching young kids about money – I only have ten fingers, so once when I was returning a duplicate gift with Amelia this year, I was trying to explain to her that her gift was $15 so that is what she had to spend. She kept picking items that were $25-30 and I kept running out of fingers. We sat down right in the middle of the store, pulled out paper and a pen from my purse, and wrote down 30 circles. I put an “x” inside 15 of them. It helped to show her that 30 was beyond her $15 limit. Then we went around and picked smaller items, and each $3 or $5 dollar item got that corresponding number of circles colored in, to let her know those were full and she could track her way to her limit. When all was said and done, she ended up with four items for herself, and then took her 2.5yo brother by the hand, showed him the card, and said he had $2 left he could spend on himself. Seriously proud mommy moment for me!)

It is also a good idea to discuss with your child before their party about how to graciously receive a gift, even if upon opening it your kiddo discovers it is something they won’t be allowed to keep, don’t like, or already have. Manners are important, most especially when you have guests in your home. You could even come up with a baseball signal, like an ear tug, or flick of the nose and brush of the shoulder, so that when your child opens it and glances at you with the guidance/approval/holy cow-will-you-let-me-keep-this look, they know you’ll give them the info they want, and he or she can still practice polite manners and smile and say thank you to the giver.

Now….how to have that sticky convo with the repeat offender who insists your child needs the entire collection of Pussy Cat Doll dolls or kitten heels or mini-adult outfit….etc. Here’s what you need to understand – if you are already here and reading this blog, you are probably A) rather clever and B) tuned into the sexualization and gender stereotypes in childhood. I love having you here and that you are reading this blog. But the whole world doesn’t read my blog, or buy my t-shirts. Yet. So the whole world doesn’t know about this stuff like you and I do. So go easy. And as always, act with grace.

• “Aunt Midge, thank you so much for coming to Ashlyn’s party. Yes, she loved seeing you and enjoyed opening your gift. Actually, since  you brought it up, I wanted you to know that we decided to return Rhinestone Fashionista Barbie for a big floor puzzle. Well, I know you loved Barbie as a girl, but she’s changed a lot over the years from when you were little and you know how conscious we are about raising Ashlyn to be a confident girl. We prefer to stay away from toys that are focused on beauty and shopping. You should see Ashlyn stick her tongue out as she works on the puzzle, it is really quite darling. What’s that? Yes, the jello mould was lovely. Thank you.”
• “Amy, thanks so much for joining us on Saturday. That skit you did with the kids still has us chuckling. Listen, I actually wanted to discuss something with you, because I know how much you love being Maddie’s auntie and how much she means to you. It’s just that I’ve been doing so much reading about all of this sexualization stuff, like you know, when girls grow up too fast and get taught about looking sexy so young, well, it just has John and I kind of baffled, and we felt the Bratz doll and mini skirt and high heels that Maddie opened fell into that category. I know your gifts in the past are focused on the fun you two have being so girly together, but you are such a great role model for her that it would mean a lot to us if you could focus on her being a little girl. She’s only five, so things like art supplies, dress up clothes, puppets, books,  you know, that is all so great for her. We love how her face lights up every time she sees you, and it felt really good to be able to be honest with you about this.”
• “Hi Kate. Oh, Elise told Morgan at school that we returned the gift…and oh, well, I’m sorry Morgan’s feelings are hurt by this as certainly that wasn’t our intention. We really appreciated you coming to the party, but Elise and I decided that the Twilight movies series and t-shirt weren’t appropriate for a girl her age. Yes, I know Morgan loves them, but she has older sisters so she is exposed to different things at your house. I think it is so great that Morgan loves monsters, and maybe next time the girls play we can help them set up a haunted house, or make life size monster puppets.”

You will ultimately have to decide how you can approach the person since each relationship is so different. By principal, I feel parents should always act as an advocate for their child. If it will cause holy war with your mother-in-law, realize that family is more important that any plastic crap imported from China. Yes, it is the plastic equivalent of a toxic diet….but I’m not sure it is worth losing friendships or family relations over. And you can always say the dog ate it.

Look, the bottom line is that you are the parent. YOU are the parent. You make the decisions for your child. The popular phrase in the media right now is “Everything in moderation”. Fine. But I don’t see that as helpful or informative. There is very little moderation to the sexualized messages and gender stereotypes in products for our girls. YOU are responsible for raising your girl up correctly, growing her in the most empowering and healthy environment you can create. YOU have every right to say “Hell to the no that crap does not enter this house.” Each family has their different breaking points – you have to decide where you draw the line. A couple of my friends have challenged my stance on the sexy dolls and movie characters. But it is well known how I feel about the sexy dolls and gender stereotypes, and in my house — what Mama says, Mama means. In the nearly five years we’ve lived here and celebrated birthdays with this bunch of gals, they have time and again respected my wishes and given my daughter gifts that reflect her current interests and her curiosity. So much so, in fact, this year during Amelia’s ocean themed party I was moved to tears at the thoughtfulness and creativity my friends put into their gifts, and how proud Amelia’s little friends were that they had found such perfect stuff for my little ocean-loving gal. It was a really, really great day.

So … thoughts? Advice? Insight?

What’s more educational … keeping her home and trying to explain the “why” of it … or letting her go and then using it as a teaching tool for explaining my views on these things??

Then you go over good manners for the party, and send her off and tell her to have fun. When you pick her up, help to shape her take-aways about the experience with questions like:
“Was it fun to have to sit still to get your hair/make-up/nails done?”
“Did you want to sit still or wiggle around?”
“What kind of fancy, big girl hair do’s did the other girls get?”
“Were you able to count how many colors of nail polish? How did you choose your color?”
“Who sang the funniest song?”
“What kind of fancy outfits did you wear in the fashion show? Was the dress up the best part, or was the singing the best part?”
“This was a special treat, should we take a picture of you all fancied up? We don’t do this often, it would be fun to remember.”

And you know? She’s probably going to answer, “Mom, Riley got two of the same puzzles and she has two hamsters but her brother was there even though it said NO BOYS and he ate more cake than us but the cake was good and I didn’t want ice cream and Kayla kept hiccuping when she sang and my head kept getting itchy and Riley’s mom was so funny during the fashion show when she taught us to walk and Isabelle tripped on her dress and Riley liked my present.”

Just like a wedding, she’s going to remember the cake and if
the guest of honor liked the gift. Save the make-up fight for another day.

Shannon’s Feedback a Week Later:

When I asked her what her favorite part was, she said, without hesitation, “THE CAKE.”

The next comment was, “Mom, she didn’t even open her birthday presents. I wanted to see her open her birthday presents. Do you think she’ll remember to take them with her to open later??”

Peggy Orenstein, author of the eye opening "Cinderella Ate My Daughter"

By now, I cannot really remember how or from whom I heard about Peggy Orenstein’s new book, “Cinderella Ate My Daughter“. Maybe it was one of my colleagues? A blog comment or tweet? Or during a Google search about girlie-girl girlhood, looking for an article to post on Facebook for our Parent Community….none the less, I slept with it under my pillow last night.

Really. Right under my pillow.

Because I wanted all of it’s goodness to soak into my brain. I devoured the entire book in less than 24hours, and took so many notes in the margins I had to twice wash the ink off of my left hand as it dragged through my stars and underlining and “YES!!” comments. When I realized I had underlined 2/3 of the book, I thought I ought to go back and write down the really important stuff somewhere else, so I wouldn’t forget. So I filled the front cover with more notes and page numbers. Then I wrote Peggy a love letter.

While I’ve taught myself a thing or two about sexualization, gender stereotypes, early childhood development, commodification, and children’s marketing…..at the end of the day I’m a mom to a five year old girl and two year old boy and I know deep in my heart of hearts that what I see happening to childhood is harmful to their development and that I must not, cannot accept the status quo. I know….way down in that mommy gut that speaks to you when you need it most…I know my kids deserve better than what is being sold to them.

Peggy’s book helps to make sense of all of this. She does such an amazing job of breaking down some of the most absurd things present in girlhood that you as a parent feel validated for questioning hooker-like fashion dolls for three year olds and kindergarteners limiting their future ambitions to princess or ballerina or butterfly. She breaks down the marketing  history of children’s products revealing that before Pinkification and the Disney Princesses became the marketing story board for every girl across the land, neither pink nor princess had all that important of a role in girlhood. She questions the innocence of All Pink All the Time, of boutique-like chain stores selling teen fashion to seven year olds, and four year olds getting regular mani-pedis. Barbie, Bratz, Spice Girlz, Twilight, Britney, Miley, fairy tales, American Girl, plastic surgery, Princesses, gender identity, sexuality, sexting, and sexy play are all discussed with such casual ease you feel like you’re talking to the mommies at playgroup.

Peggy’s wit and non-preachy way of questioning a hypergendered and sexualized childhood may feel like a coffee clutch with your favorite mom pal, but she ingeniously weaves in research study after study, and interviews with major leaguers like Lise Eliot, Deb Tolman, and the Sanford Harmony Program researchers Carol Martin and Richard Fabes. She visits a toy buyers market in Times Square, a children’s high Glitz beauty pageant in the South, a Miley Cyrus concert (good lawd!), and the American Girl Place.

This book is a MUST read for anyone raising a daughter, but specifically if you have a daughter 12 years old and under. So much of our work in girl empowerment circles focuses on teens. It has always been the belief of Pigtail Pals that girl empowerment must start in the toddler years, that these concepts and messages must be present from the beginning.  This book gives the reader an amazing awareness and inside look at what really is going on with girlhood, who is in control, and who is laughing all the way to the rhinestone covered bank.

I cannot stress enough how strongly I feel every parent of a daughter needs to read this book. I’d loan you my copy, but I wrote all over it. Go grab your copy at your local bookstore, or order online. I promise, you will not be disappointed. My great hope is that this book is a catalyst to a national conversation on what is going on to our girls, and as parents what we can do to take back control.

You all know how strongly I feel about this. The last page of Peggy’s book made me teary as she talked about the roots and protection we give to our daugthers during the few short years they are ours. You’ll understand this better after you read the book, but it is my wish that every parent see themselves as their daughter’s hazel tree.

I leave you with Peggy’s stirring words: “The good news is, the choices we make for our toddlers can influence how they navigate as teens. I’m not saying we can, or will, do everything “right”, only that there is power – magic- in awareness. If we start with that, with wanting girls to see themselves from the inside out rather than the outside in, we will go a long way toward helping them find their true happily-ever-afters.” 

"Cinderella Ate My Daughter" is available on Amazon and in stores on 1/25/11

Recent beauty pageant contestant. She is two years old.

Dear Producers of Toddlers & Tiaras, TLC, and Discovery Communications LLC:  

It is an extremely thin veil that hides the atrocious “Toddlers & Tiaras” as a documentary-style show for your network. For the past four seasons the show has done a good job, not so much with teaching, but of giving viewers a voyeuristic peek into the children’s beauty pageant world. We don’t need to see anymore. As Season 5 reaches its midpoint, the show now continues to do little more than become complicit in the exploitation of the little girls at its center. At best, it is now a mockumentary of the visibly unbalanced mothers (and a few fathers) who force their children to spend long and uncomfortable hours participating in these expensive pageants. Many of these children are too young to say whether or not they want to participate. When these children act out and demonstrate they do not enjoy what is happening, or do not want it to happen any longer, they are still made to participate by their pageant moms. Let us be clear from the outset that after this season it is time to cancel the show.  

I’m sure inside your producer heads you think this is crazy, especially as the show has received some buzz-worthy, controversial attention recently and continues to pull in advertisers and an average of 1.3 million viewers each week….but as your mission statements goes, it is the job of the Discovery channel family to satisfy curiosity. TLC has done its job with this show, as almost everyone who has been exposed to the program finds it distasteful and widely condemns the child beauty pageant circuit. Our curiosity has been satisfied – as demonstrated with the several thousands of negative and disapproving comments left in the last couple of weeks alone. We’ve seen it. We don’t like it. We’re over it.  

The idea of two year old girls strutting around with cones protruding out of her bustier and five year olds who sit trembling and screaming in a chair at a salon as she is enticed into a painful beauty treatment will tend to leave a bad taste in our mouth. It leaves us less interested in the pageants themselves, but more interested in gawking at and judging the deranged mothers who subject their poor daugthers to this twisted world of judged fake beauty. That might make for good ratings, but it doesn’t make for a happy and healthy childhood of the young girls who hold the title of this show. Just like their overbearing mothers, you exploit these children. A shameful act on both parts.  

The duration of this show has coincided with a large effort by a small group of dedicated experts to raise awareness to the general public about the sexualization of girls. The parents we have reached now understand the emotional, psychological, and physical harm a young girl is exposed to when she is sexualized.  As the 2007 American Psychological Association’s task force report showed us, early sexualization can lead to self-esteem issues, depression, eating disorders, and early promiscuity.  

Contestant on the children's beauty pageant circuit.

“Toddlers & Tiaras” is a petri dish of sexualization. Little girls are taught, often times forced by their domineering mothers, to act coquettishly, learn suggestive dance routines, wear sexualized costumes and bathing suits, endure hours of hair and make-up, and are even put on restrictive diets in order to lose weight for competition. This is perverse. While TLC continues to air “Toddlers & Tiaras”, the network becomes an agent of this sexualization.  

The toxic culture of the pageant world, the judging of beauty, is confusing to young children who have not yet reached the emotional-intellectual milestones of understanding reality and competition. These little girls become infantilized women as their parents and coaches do whatever it takes to win that crown and of course, the money. The time alone spent prepping for pageants robs girls of their childhood, time that should be spent learning and playing and socializing with friends. Teaching young girls a very narrow version of beauty, transforming their bodies so that their beauty can be measured and judged, or to use their sexualized bodies to earn money for the family is disgusting. I take great offense to this. When you add to this the chemically dangerous spray tans, butt glue, nail glue, eyelash glue, hairspray, and cosmetics applied to these tiny, developing bodies, it is not a stretch to say these pageant programs are both emotionally and physically abusive.  

The content of the show is reprehensible and the time has come to stop being a complicit entity to the unfair and unhealthy treatment of these little girls. Surely the world holds more intersting storylines than overdone, unhappy toddlers wearing hair pieces and sequined Vegas showgirl costumes while their obnoxious mothers puppet unimaginative talent routines as they pathetically live vicariously through their very young daughters.  

TLC and Discovery’s decision to not renew the show certainly won’t stop these families from exploiting their daugthers, but we don’t have to give audience to it. Please cancel “Toddlers & Tiaras”. 

Sincerely,  

Melissa Wardy  

owner, Pigtail Pals LLC  

 Its time we change the way we think about our girls.  

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Want to contact the show? Have at it:  

Producers: ToddlersTiarasCasting@authentictv.com  

Owners: Discovery Communications, LLC     Viewer Relations   1 Discovery Place, 5th Floor    Silver Spring, MD 20910  

Discovery Ethics Hotline: 1-800-398-6395

There’s a bothersome trend these days to dress our children like mini-adults. The concept is a rip current in this year’s back-to-school fashion. Toddler skinny jeans, Material Girl lace bustiers for tweens, and tube tops for tots. The thing is, although these items might work on thin, edgy hipster adults, they don’t work in childhood. Garments like skinny jeans and tube tops don’t allow for the movement that a child should be doing during their day of play and exploration. This is all aside from the fact that very few toddlers have the body frame to pull off skinny jeans, nor the breast developement and flat abs to fill in a tube top.  

My personal opinion is that skinny jeans don’t really fall into the category of sexualized garments. Skinny jeans are for people with skinny legs and who probably don’t wear diapers. I suppose one could take issue with the word “skinny” and the whole “Fat is Bad” thing, but at the end of the day it is just a pair of jeans with slim cut legs that will leave your toddler rather cranky.  A tube top is different. It is adult. The tube top/bandeau top flatter a woman’s shoulders and breasts, and often look very sexy. For women, I say more power to ‘ya. For kids? I say no way. Google “tube top photos” and tell me if you’d like a snapshot of your seven year old there. I wore bandeau tops like the one above in college on nights out dancing at clubs or at the bar. I wore them because I felt sexy in them and I turned heads, which leaves me questioning if a seven year old should be wearing them.  

Last week I had two moms from different coasts contact me about tube tops/bandeau tops they saw marketed to young girls. The concern was that children don’t need to be mini-adults. They need to be children.  

I couldn’t agree more. These moms sent me pictures of what they had found in the stores, each with an email saying how wrong they felt it was to dress a young girl in a top that essentially limited her ability to be a child and move the way a child should during a day full of play.  

The tops at M. Fredric seemed to be a case of shrinking adult apparel onto kids. I thought I’d give a call over to M. Fredric to discuss their position on selling a top that may not be appropriate for a child to wear. Afterall, their website states they are Southern California’s “retailer with a heart” and that they cater to the mom looking to “avoid the cookie cutter sameness of children’s apparel stores.” That made me chuckle, as the garments I see in these photos look exactly like everything else this season for tweens and girls — big girl fashion in itty bitty sizes. Same old same old. Mardi Fox is the sister of the owner of M. Fredric and the Kids Buyer and Division Head. On the website she says she created the childrens’ side of the store to carry “hip and practical” children’s apparel. Where I get lost is the idea over the practicality of a seven year old continuously having to pull up her strapless bandeau top over her nonexisistent boobies.  

I feel pretty strongly that the women’s department shouldn’t spill over into the children’s. I don’t think M. Fredric should be selling the Riley line of tops in small Girls sizes. The good news is that the conversation I had with their Children’s Marketing Manager was much more productive and cordial than say, that of Kohl’s, when I was told (on the record) they would continue selling racy underwear to preteens because it met their bottom line. Yes, really.  

M Fredric bandeau and tube top, both Child Smalls

 This post isn’t meant to pick on M. Fredric. They are one of many stores offering this look to girls and tweens. But when you see the tops to the left, you can’t blame a mom for raising her eyebrows. A sales clerk at the M. Fredric store these pictures were taken at said she was surprised these tops came in young girls sizes and that they had not been selling well. Last weekend I asked the Pigtail Pals Facebook community what they thought they were looking at, and guesses ranged from a headband to a garter belt for feminine products.  When I finally revealed it was a children’s top, the answers were not complimentary to the garment.  

When I spoke with M. Fredric’s marketing department, Karen was very nice in explaining that M. Fredric looks for “edgy” apparel that “may not be for everyone”. (That’s fine, but why does “edgy” for kids equal sexy?) She assured me several times over that the tube tops weren’t meant to be a stand alone item and that they are for layering under tanks “to make sure everything is covered.” If we need to make sure everything is covered, shouldn’t we just put the kid in a t-shirt? She said, as a mom herself, she understand the concerns about the top’s coverage and keeping kids decent. I asked about the ability for a child to move while wearing one, and she said that the garment had thin, sticky elastic bands on the inside to keep it in place. Sounds comfy. So finally I ask, “I just don’t feel they are appropriate for little girls to wear. That kind of top is more suitable for a college-aged young woman. I don’t feel gradschoolers should wear them.”  The reply was polite but very telling, and why so much stays the same when it comes to retailers and the merchandise they carry:  

“Well, we carry the Riley line which is similar to the number one selling children’s line in the US (Flowers by Zoe) and you’ll see this in all the stores, like Macy’s and Nordstroms. You see this all over and if you don’t like it, then you don’t have to buy it.”  

So, I guess if all the other kids are doing it…..  

Karen is right, if I or any other parent doesn’t like it, we don’t have to buy it. This isn’t just about me, my daughter, or my family. There is a bigger issue here – the early sexualization of young girls. I know most parents have the sense that they want to protect their daughters and not have them grow up too fast. We want to allow our daughters their natural right to a girlhood. This becomes harder and harder to do, however, when retailers blur the line between adulthood and childhood. When I feel an item is inappropriate or harmful for my children, I do not purchase it. But it is still out there, and other people do purchase it and it lends to a bigger sense of our children losing their childhood because marketers age compress them in order to turn a profit.  

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Recreation of the mesh tube tops for babies sold at a North Carolina tutu store.

Next up is a meshy tube top sold at a North Carolina tutu store. This is all the rage for baby photos, but is it appropriate? Read one mom’s reaction when she was shopping for her toddler girl:  

1. Can you tell me about your recent shopping trip at a local store when you found the bandeau tops for toddlers?

We were in a local store called “My Fairy Godmother”.  This store is over the top “girly” but they do have some cute items (tutus, butterfly wings, headbands, etc.).  I saw something that sent me over the edge- they were selling stretchy tube tops for size 0-18 months. They had one on display with a tutu for a complete outfit. I was immediately disgusted.

 

2. Your initial reaction was pretty strong. What about the garment upset you so much?

Tube tops just seem like the ultimate sexy item of clothing and I really can’t understand why someone would want to objectify their baby.  Yes, babies’ bodies are cute, but not SEXY!

 

3. Your husband didn’t have the same response that you did. Why do you think his attitude was different?

He’s a calm, passive, reasonable guy for the most part.  He told me just not to buy it and walk away.  He doesn’t like to make big deals out of issues.  I KNOW he wouldn’t want our daughter wearing that, but I think he knows that those tube tops are actually selling and the business is just that, a business.

 

4. As a mom to a young girl, how does the sexualization of girls make you feel?

I’ll admit, I kind of pushed the “Disney Princesses” on my daughter around her 1st birthday.  She wanted NOTHING to do with them.  I became okay with that and now I am THRILLED that she sees herself as
more.  She tells me she wants to be “everything” when she grows up.  I love that!

Society has tried to tell my daughter to like pink, be a princess, and to be “pretty”.  That really rubs me the wrong way.  She is SO much more than a beautiful face.  She has a brain and a strong body! It makes me smile that she has rebelled without even knowing it- and definitely opened my eyes in the process! The sexualization of young girls makes me feel as if we are short-changing our daughters.  Let’s push them to make the world a better and place and use their brains!

 

5. What kinds of questions would you like parents to be asking themselves when they are shopping and see things like this?

I would like parents to be aware of the messages they send their daughters.  Sure, a baby won’t understand, but an older child will. What if a 4 year old saw her baby sister in a tube top?  The implications are that one has to show off her body to get attention. Not only is this not good, but it’s untrue!

Parents, ask yourself “What kind of attention will my child receive dressed like this?” “Who will be giving my child attention when she is dressed like this?” (It’s sad but true that there are not-nice people out there who aim to harm children and see them as little adults.  While I’m not saying we should live in fear, I am saying I think parents need to be aware.)

“If I dress my infant in a tube top, when she’s a pre-teen and wants to wear one, will I let her?”

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Our children are at risk of losing their childhood to marketers who age compress them in order to turn a profit.

Our children are not for sale.