Posts Tagged ‘body image’

“At some point you have to wonder if this crap isn’t purposeful. And then you have to wonder why they’ve chosen to do this to our little girls.”

–PPBB Community Member Miranda Lollis

 

In response to the image below, from this post about Barneys NY and Disney teaming up.

We’ve had a go of it at our house lately. Taking our stalker to court after a year of being scared and harassed, wasp stings, and this week: Oral Surgery. It was a rotten way to spend a week in the summer and I decided to go a little overboard. I guess I just wanted to make everything right again in her little six year old world. The Original Pigtail Pal’s deep love of the ocean has naturally expanded into mermaids, and she has been saving up her Chore Chart money for this one below.

With OPP having four teeth pulled on Tuesday morning, puking blood and feeling generally miserable for a day, the Tooth Fairy knew she would have to bring her A-game for this one. The Tooth Fairy looked high and low for waterproof mermaid toys OPP could take in the tub and pool, ultimately Barbie seemed like the best (only) choice. OPP was so happy when she opened it, and has brought up several interesting body image talks while playing with her, showing me she is getting the message as best a 6yo can. And, the Tooth Fairy felt the Barbie mermaids were pretty awesome as far as mermaids go and they didn’t make her head explode. I, uh, I mean the Tooth Fairy, thought the Barbie Mermaid line was pretty wholesome and wasn’t sexualized (other Barbies take that prize). There was some unpacking to do for body image and Beauty Myth, but every once in a while it is good for the Tooth Fairy to get off her soap box.

Yes, I really do put this much thought into buying a Barbie. If Merida came in a wet suit I’d be walking on Easy Street.

 

Since OPP is reading everything in sight, I intentionally left this link displayed on my laptop this morning while I stepped away from my desk to do some chores. I saw her reading the article a few moments later, but waited for her to bring up the issue. I just wanted to get her wheels turning.

OPP came into the kitchen after awhile and said, “So the dotted black lines is where the surgeons would cut ya?”  I answered yes, that is how a woman would have to be surgically altered and cut apart to look like Barbie. OPP then asked if I liked Barbie, to which I answered that I had liked them very much when I was her age, but as a mom I was concerned about some of the body image messages the dolls gave. I said all Barbies have the same body and their faces look the same, and that I felt that left out all of the other ways a woman can be beautiful. I said people with rounder bodies or shorter bodies or wider noses or slanted eyes are all beautiful too, and you don’t see that with Barbie. OPP then said she liked the woman in the photo below because it looked like me. I agreed, my body actually looks identical to the woman above, but that I would never cut myself to try to be beautiful, or to look like someone else.

She answered with this, “Well, I know Barbie is a grown up because she wears lots of makeup. And I’m not to worried about being skinny, because who cares a flip about that? But I really wish I had blue hair and a glittery tail.”

How can you argue with that? I told her blue hair and a glittery tail would be awesome indeed. I’m glad I could meet Amelia halfway on this one, because I have had to say no to several of the toys she has shown an interest in as of late.

And I am secretly relieved that not once in the past two days has OPP said anything about not being pretty or embarrassed because of her new (temporary) toothless smile. In fact, today I was taking a photo of her and her little brother eating strawberry shortcake and OPP said, “Make sure you get in my one good tooth!”

I don’t know if this body confidence in her will always be there, but I pray it will. I pray hard for that.

I need 4 minutes and 34 seconds of your day. I need you to watch this — every woman, man, girl, and boy — and I need you to absorb it.

I need you to give yourself permission to start loving and enjoying the body you have been given to live this life with. All of the advocates and bloggers and celebrities in the world cannot do that for you. YOU have to do that for you. Whether you are a parent, a friend, a mentor, a teen….you have to start appreciating your amazing body. It will impact how you live the rest of your life.

Forget what the media is telling you about you. There is nothing wrong with you. YOU write your story. In that story, make sure you are awesome.

Please watch this with your boys and girls. Share it with your classroom, your sports team or Girl Scout troop or church youth group. Share it, because we are spending way too much time thinking about what our bodies look like in life, instead of LIVING LIFE.

Go live. You look amazing.

Hey Mattel,

I am giddy. For three years I have been explaining to my little girl why your product lines Barbie and Monster High are not welcome in our house. I have dissected time and again the negative messages your “toys” give to little girls and their body image, sense of self worth, and developing sexuality. Quite a tap dance, I assure you, as my daughter is only six and the words I need to use to adequately describe your astoundingly sexualized dolls are not appropriate to say to her. Little ironic, don’t you think?

For over a year my little girl has been intrigued with Monster High and perks up at your commercials, or lingers near the boxes on the shelf when we’re shopping. She’ll ask for one, her four year old brother tells her they are “infropropee-it” (inappropriate) and off we go, leaving your craptastic dolls on the shelf.  Over and over and over again I would explain to her in an age appropriate manner, why your dolls are too sexualized for a little girl to be playing with, and how they diminish the values deep inside of her that she needs to stay strong and that I will fiercely protect. Over and over in my head I would be steaming mad at your 12 inch tall undead hooker dolls and thinking  “Mother bumping Monster High” to myself while I calmly and sweetly encouraged critical thinking and media literacy skills in my daughter. Over and over and over again.

People told me to just get over it, the dolls “aren’t so bad”, and to just accept them use them as teachable moments. Bullshit, I say.

These dolls are toxic. I know far too much about sexualization and its heinous impact on children, abysmal body image in girls of all ages, and the development of self esteem and healthy sexuality to relent. To be fair, you aren’t the only one adding to the sexualized cesspool that girlhood has become on the marketplace. But you certainly are one of the front runners and I guess the profit margin you have on these dolls helps you sleep at night. For goodness sake, you sexed up Merida. Seriously?

Listen up — You don’t get her. You don’t get my daughter. You’ll have to meet your bottom line and drive up your quarterly profits on the heart and soul of some other poor little girl, because you don’t get my girl.

See, two weeks ago she was lobbying big time for Monster High again, and wanting to wear make up out of the house. For the 6,429th time we discussed that she is a little girl, Monster High sends inappropriate and hurtful messages to little girls’ minds and hearts, and that when she is a teenager she can wear make up but not when she is six. Then she asked if Monster High dolls look like girls who smoke cigarettes. She is on an anti-smoking crusade this summer, and out of complete exasperation, I answered yes, Monster High dolls look like some girls who smoke.

My child recoiled in horror. She was shocked and offended. It was comical, and I felt a little bit like I was playing dirty, and then I remembered I was discussing with her plastic dolls dressed like tiny cheap sex workers that you somehow think are appropriate to suavely market and sell to children. We’re dirty six ways from Sunday on this one, so yeah, Monster High dolls now smoke.

The next day we were having ice cream with friends, and when my daughter heard me whisper something to one of the other moms, she asked if we were talking about something inappropriate. My friend asked my daughter what “inappropriate” meant, and my six year old clearly and eloquently said it is when something isn’t right or unsuitable. And then she used Monster High as her example, stating that they dress too grown up for children, the dolls are mean to each other, and wear too much make up and clothes that suggest the only thing they find important is what people think of how they look.

I was surprised and proud to hear her repeat back everything I’ve been saying about the awfulness of Monster High. I later asked her about what she said and she told me that knowing the Monster High girls smoke made her look at them differently, and suddenly they weren’t cool to her anymore. She said she understood the things I was talking about and she thought the dolls looked nasty.

Yesterday we had a colleague over for lunch, and when she and I were discussing sexualization, Amelia piped up and said the exact same things again about Monster High, adding in that the dolls dress in a way that is “too skimpy that makes boys want to kiss them but not be friends with them or see them as a whole person.”

The day we were eating ice cream wasn’t a fluke or rote repetition. My daughter gets it now. I refused to give in to the peer pressure and the cultural pressure, and I have a six year old who sees Monster High for what it is: sexualized garbage. She loves her monsters and walking through graveyards and creepy stuff, but we’ll stick to Tim Burton and Scooby Doo. She wants nothing to do with you and your trashy dolls.

I won this round. You don’t get her. You don’t get my daughter.

Cheers!

Melissa

Update 8/23/12: At this time, Comments are now closed to the post. This blog is for parents and concerned adults looking to fight the sexualized messages in the media and being sold to our girls. This post was meant to show one of many discussions I have had with my little girl about why Monster High is completely inappropriate for her, at six years old. This is also a blog that requires reading comprehension, and I sit here at my desk chuckling over the people losing their minds because I confirmed to my little girl that the Monster High dolls do look like the teenagers we saw smoking earlier that week when we were leaving the library. I fail to see the cause for attack over my daughter’s expression of her powers of comparison.

I posted this photo on my personal page last night, celebrating the girls’ final game of t-ball (Home Run Derby, for the win!). This is 6yo Original Pigtail Pal Amelia, and one of her best buds, Z. My mom left a comment under the photo saying how proud she was of Amelia, and to be sure to tell her that Gigi wasn’t able to play t-ball as a little girl and why.
Not having had any coffee yet, I didn’t understand what she meant…Had they not invented t-ball yet? Did she have a disease? And then my brain started chugging along and it hit me: Title IX.

I grew up playing soccer, baseball, volleyball, basketball, swimming, and learning to competitively sail. When my daughter was born, I dreamt about mighty mite soccer and softball games.

For every woman a generation older than me, who fought in big and small ways to get women and girls into sports, who played and practiced despite taunts and threats, who broke into coaching and professional competition, THANK YOU.
Thank you for working so hard and putting up with so much that for a minute, this mom was able to take for granted her daughter would grow up as an athlete, with every right to a strong body, confident heart, and all of the lessons learned on the playing field that will help her later in life to be an amazing individual.

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Want to encourage athleticism in your girl? Check these out!

Women Talk Sports

Active Kids Club

Girls On the Run

KaBOOM!

Go! Go! Sports Girls

Chicks Play Sports

 

What are some other sites we should list?

This question was asked during a dicussion about body image on the Pigtail Pals facebook page.  Marci and I both felt that the answer really needed to be its own post.

The following is by Marci Warhaft-Nadler, of Fit vs Fiction, and it is so thorough I really don’t have anything to add. Just picture my head nodding in agreement as you read. What Marci and I really want you to take away from this is that You can’t lose weight in order to like yourself; you need to like yourself in order to lose weight.

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“What do I do when my child needs to lose weight?”

I get this question a lot.

 Weight is a tough issue for all of us, and when it comes to kids we need to be extremely careful with how we handle it. When a parent asks me what they can say to their child to help them lose weight, my answer is, “NOTHING. Say Nothing.” Research tells us that talking about and focusing on weight with our kids will not have the desired effect we’re looking for and can actually make the situation worse.

While there’s nothing we should be saying to help our kids get healthy, there IS a whole lot we could be doing.

First and foremost, KEEP THINGS POSITIVE and keep the focus on HEALTH instead of WEIGHT. Our goal as parents should be to have healthy kids, not necessarily skinny ones. It’s so important that your child understand that bodies come in all shapes and sizes and that they need to be proud of who they are.

Time magazine recently published an article saying,” Losing weight does not help obese girls love themselves.” It explained how overweight children can feel stigmatized by the media and society and how that stigmatization leads to low self-esteem. Being overweight becomes a part of WHO they are. Even if these kids lose the extra weight, the feelings of shame are still there and can last a very long time. That’s why it’s crucial that we teach our kids to tune out negative messages and help them appreciate and respect themselves, as they are. The fact is: You can’t lose weight in order to like yourself; you need to like yourself in order to lose weight. It’s when we like ourselves that we believe we deserve to feel strong and healthy and that will motivate us to eat well and exercise.

1) Make it a family affair:

The last thing you want to do is single out one kid with “special” food or portion sizes at meals. Instead, why not change the way the entire family eats? The goal is to be eating healthier foods in healthier portions and everyone can benefit from that! Remember, you’re not putting your child on a diet, just making some changes as to how and what you all eat.

2) Keep food talk POSITIVE, it’s not about the foods you take out and all about the foods you bring in:

We all get into a sort of comfort zone, where we seem to pick up the same types of food  week after week, so try some different! Try out a new exotic looking fruit you’ve always seen at the store but never thought of actually buying, or maybe buy those Kale chips your friends have been raving about. (That happened to me and they were actually quite tasty!)

3) Menu plan and shop TOGETHER:

Look for new, healthy recipes that you can shop for and cook together. Cooking food from scratch can give your child a new kind of respect for it and pride around it. Feel free to get creative, by coming up with theme nights! How about” Japanese night” or even “Breakfast for dinner”? PJs at the dinner table are a must, for that one. The idea is that eating healthy isn’t a punishment, just one important part of honouring our bodies.

4)  Get active; TOGETHER!

When it comes to weight, we tend to put a lot of focus on the food we’re taking in and not enough on the energy we’re putting out. Exercise has an incredible amount of benefits and will definitely help to keep weight down while building strong bones and muscles. If your child is interested in group activities and sports, SIGN THEM UP! Joining a team, will increase their self-esteem and will make it easier for them to stick with it, since being part of a team means that other people depend on you.

If team sports or sports in general is not your kid’s thing, there are tons of other ways to be active. I personally love to go to the park in my neighbourhood and make up obstacle courses for my kids to do. I’ll say something like,” Run up the slide, do 5 jumping jacks, slide down the other side, run to the bench , step on and off it 5 times, do a crazy dance then run to the basketball net and back!”

Feel free to make comments about how your body FEELS. Instead of saying things like,” Our jeans are going to be so much looser!” Try saying,” Doesn’t it feel great to be using our bodies this way? We’re going to be able to run faster and play longer if we keep this up!”

The key is that they’ll be having too much fun to even realize they’re exercising! An added perk: By coming up with the courses and demonstrating them, you’ll be getting a workout in too!

Another simple idea is to go for a walk after dinner. Instead of turning on the TV and chilling on the couch for the night, go for a walk through your neighbourhood or even drive to a new neighbourhood, and then walk around and explore; the couch will be there when you get back.

5) Support their hobbies:

Is your child an aspiring artist, musician or actor? Take an interest in whatever interests them and be as supportive as you can. When they’re doing something they love and feel a sense of accomplishment from it, there will be less pressure put on what they look like. It’s a great opportunity to build confidence and self-esteem.

6)  Don’t let them see you worry.

If YOU make their weight a big deal, they’ll make their weight a big deal and that won’t help anyone.

7)  Just do what you do best: LOVE YOUR CHILD.

Feeling loved, respected and appreciated by you, will help them learn how to love, respect and appreciate themselves.

*Self-worth should not be measured in pounds!

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Marci Warhaft-Nadler is a certified fitness instructor and body image consultant. After overcoming her own body image and eating disorder issues, Marci created her Fit vs Fiction program to tear down the dangerous myths related to beauty and fitness and empower kids with the self-esteem they need to tune out negative messages and be proud of who they are instead of judging themselves for who they think they’re not. 

Self-worth should not be measured in pounds!

www.fitvsfiction.com

www.fitvsfiction.wordpress.com

“Oh no, not that skirt. Horizontal stripes will make you look fatter,” Grandmother shopping next to me says to a little girl, slapping the girl’s hand away from a really cute tiered skirt. The little girl shrinks. My mouth and Amelia’s mouth fall open in shock.

I want to climb on top of the rack of clothing, and scream at this woman, telling her how cruel and damaging Fat Talk is to girls, especially when Fat Talk comes from the people this girl should be able to trust the most. I want to screech out the stats running through my head — percentages of little girls who hate their bodies and diet and have low self-esteem. I want to grab her and shake her and tell her what awful messages she is planting in this girl’s head. I also kind of want to hug her, and tell her to stop projecting her body hate onto this young child.

Not wanting to get kicked out of Target, and not being a crazy person, I didn’t. But I really, really wanted to.

Instead I picked up the exact same skirt, and held it up for Amelia. I’m not trying to be an ass, I just can’t let the grandmother’s words be the last thing the other girl hears in that moment.

“Hey Smalls, look at this! How awesome are these stripes!? Wouldn’t they look so fun and colorful while you run and spin? How fun!” I say. 

“I’d say it is full of awesome,” 6yo Amelia offers while waving to the little girl.

By: Marci Warhaft-Nadler 

How to talk to your kids about Body Image FAQS

 Body Image and Eating Disorder issues are affecting kids younger and younger these days and while they’re struggling with society’s unrealistic expectations about who they’re supposed to be and what they’re supposed to look like, their parents are struggling to find the right ways to help them grow into the self-confident, self-assured men and women they deserve to be.

Today we’re hoping to answer some of the questions that we’re hearing most often from moms and dads who know just how delicate a topic this can be.

QUESTION 1)  “I’ve decided to lose weight and get into better shape. How can I make changes to my lifestyle without making my daughter self-conscious about her own body?” -Karen, mom to daughter 13 years old

ANSWER 1)  Deciding to make healthy lifestyle changes is a positive thing and the perfect opportunity to explain to your daughter how important it is to treat our bodies with the kindness and respect they deserve. The MOST important thing is to make the focus on your health and not your weight. Be clear that you are not changing your diet or physical activity in order to fit into a pair of jeans or bikini, but to enhance your quality of life.

As always, keep things positive. Instead of criticizing your body for the faults you may see,  talk about all the things a healthier body will be able to DO. A good way to approach the topic, would be to say, “I’m not feeling as strong and energetic as I’d like to feel, so I’m going to start feeding my body with  foods that are going to give me all the good stuff that it needs and I’m going to start being more active.” Be excited about it.

Never talk about eating LESS. If she notices that you aren’t having seconds and thirds and asks about it, just explain that you are listening to your body and feel like you’ve had enough.

Remember, it’s all about progress, not perfection. If you miss a workout or eat a little more than you planned, do NOT make a big deal about it. Your daughter needs to understand that the goal is not to be “perfect”, just perfectly happy with who you are.

QUESTION 2)   “I just had my second baby and want to lose the extra weight I put on during pregnancy. How can I explain my weight loss to my daughter in a positive way?” - Laura, mom to daughter 7 years old

ANSWER 2)   Much like the previous question, this is a GREAT opportunity to point out how amazing and miraculous our bodies are!  Explain to your daughter that while you were pregnant, your body had a big job to do as it was creating her little brother/sister. While the baby was growing, your body needed to grow to make room for him/her and you needed to eat more to make sure that you had the energy you needed to take care of yourself, the baby and the rest of the family.

Go on to explain that now that the baby’s here, your body still needs a lot of energy but will get that energy in a different way. Avoid saying things like, “I need to get back into shape” , or “I need to lose my belly.” You want her to think of pregnancy as the wonderful experience that it is and not connect it to feeling lousy about yourself.  Explain that while you were pregnant, your body was taking care of the baby from the inside and now that the baby’s here, you’re getting your body ready to take care of the baby from the outside.

Remember: There’s NO RUSH. Take your time. Only “TV moms” give birth one minute and are ready for their itsy bitsy bikinis the very next!

QUESTION 3)  ”What if my daughter NEEDS to lose weight, how can I help her without creating body image issues?”   Tali, mom to daughter 11 years old

ANSWER 3)    The very FIRST thing you need to do is MAKE sure she really is overweight. Sadly, our society completely underestimates the size of healthy bodies and all too often, a child will seem overweight because he/she is bigger than her peers, when actually, they are in a perfectly healthy weight range. Go to a doctor you TRUST (without your daughter present) and find out if there really is any reason for concern.

Truth be told, while our children are growing, the last thing we want to do is meddle with the growth process. We talked about this in our article about puberty and it holds true for younger kids as well. Kids’ bodies are constantly changing and the best thing we can do as parents is to make sure that they’re getting healthy food, in healthy portions and being PHYSICALLY ACTIVE.

Do NOT make ANY comments about their weight. It will only hurt, not help. 

Yup, I’m going to say it again, keep the focus off of weight and on health. Talk about how good it feels when we take care of our bodies and get lots of exercise. If you really want to be supportive, make physical activity a family affair, after all, we all need to be fit and strong! Come up with fun things you could do together like going on a hike or riding bikes together after dinner. Make up fun challenges for each other: “I dare you to take the stairs instead of the escalator” or “I dare you to do a silly dance every time a commercial comes on TV”.

Another good idea is to plan meals and grocery shop together sometimes. Creating a meal from scratch can be a fun experience to do together and will help to encourage a healthy, positive relationship with food. You do not want to put your daughter on a diet as diets are based on “DONTS” and all she will think about are the foods she can’t or shouldn’t eat.  Focusing instead on all the great foods she CAN eat, will make it a lot easier for her to maintain the healthy lifestyle you’re creating.

Remember: Healthy kids really do come in all shapes and sizes and it’s important that our kids feel PROUD of who they are and confident in all they can accomplish.  

QUESTION 4)  “My son’s school has started talking about the issue of childhood obesity and will be implementing healthy eating programs. How can I be sure that this will be a positive thing?”  Meredith, mom to son 8  years old               

 ANSWER 4)    GET INVOLVED!   I cannot stress this point enough. I have seen from my own experience at my sons’ school that even the best of intentions where kids and food are concerned can go very wrong. Studies are showing that our society’s focus on child obesity is causing an increase in body preoccupation and eating disorders among boys and girls at the elementary school level. By focusing on fat, we create shame around our bodies and fear around food, exactly what we DON’T want to do. Dr. Leora Pinhas, an eating disorder specialist  at Sick Kids Hospital in Toronto, Ontario says that for some kids, learning about foods in terms of “good” and “bad” can be dangerous and she asks for her kids to be excused from programs like these offered at her school.

Make sure your son’s school has done enough research around the issue to make sure that the message they send is a positive one. ASK questions. Talk to your son about what he is being taught and feel free to speak to his teacher or principal if anything he is learning makes you uncomfortable.

Make sure the kids are getting enough physical activity during the day. Many schools forget that being active is crucial to being healthy and instead puts all their energy towards de-junking their lunch bags.

Remember: No one has the right to judge the way you feed your child.

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And this just in, from our Facebook page:

QUESTION 5:   “I had a third grader tell me today that she gave away most of her lunch because she’s “watching her appetite.” When I asked for more, she told me that another third grader told her she’d get fat if she ate too much. Any advice?” – Susan R

Melissa:   I would emphasize that our bodies need food for fuel in order to work. Ask her what “watching her appetite” means? That she’s on a diet or trying to lose weight? Ask her why she is afraid/concerned about getting “fat”, and what that would mean to her. I would point out that if a human body doesn’t have food and nutrients, it cannot learn, play, fun, etc.
I would also tell her that if her tummy is telling her that her body is hungry, it is more important to listen to her body than to what her friends tell her. Her body intuitively knows what is best for it.

Marci:   Tell her how important it is for us to GROW! Things like Trees, flowers and PEOPLE are supposed to grow and nobody knows what’s best for bodies except us. A strong body is a healthy body and we need to eat to be strong. Ask her if she think.s she’d be a different person if she was bigger or smaller…Would she be nicer? A better friend? Better student? Nope she’d be the same amazing person. Trying to be like someone else is boring and tiring… Its so much more Fun being yourself!

Susan’s Reply:  Thanks! I guess it started when she told her friends that she’d had seconds for supper the night before. Her ‘friend’ said she’d get fat if she ate that much. I will make sure to emphasize in class how wonderful everyone is no matter their shape. She’s easily the tallest girl in my class and is probably growing again! She needs that food!

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With new issues and questions coming up regularly, feel free to bring your body image quandaries our way. This is a weird and wacky world we live in and the best way we can help our kids get through it, is to rely on the support of each other.

 

About Marci Warhaft-Nadler: Marci is a certified fitness instructor and body image consultant. After overcoming her own body image and eating disorder issues, Marci created her Fit vs Fiction program to tear down the dangerous myths related to beauty and fitness and empower kids with the self-esteem they need to tune out negative messages and be proud of who they are instead of judging themselves for who they think they’re not. 

Self-Worth should NOT be measured in pounds!

www.fitvsfiction.com

facebook.com/visitfitvsfiction

fitvsfiction.wordpress.com

marciwarhaft@rogers.com

by Marci Warhaft-Nadler

Do These Hormones Make Me Look Fat?

Last week, a friend of mine told me that her 8 year old daughter, planted her feet in the ground and shouted, “I don’t want to grow up!” When her mom asked her WHY not, she answered,” I don’t want to grow up because Grownups are FAT and I don’t want to be fat!”

Yikes!  Where do I begin?

In this case, it was easy to figure out where the fear came from, as she comes from a long line of yo-yo dieters  and “fat talk” is commonplace in her household. By seeing the adults in her life focus on body shape and weight, she’s started to develop an unhealthy relationship with food and her body. Sadly, this isn’t unusual, especially at her age.

The tween years are tough; not just for the kids experiencing them, but also for their parents, who are struggling to find ways to make things a little easier for them. Not only are kids this age still dealing with the same pressures from the media, society and peers that have surrounded them up to this point, but now they’ve got the added stress that comes from more homework, possible transition to middle school, exposure to dangerous behaviours, and, probably the scariest challenge of all, PUBERTY!

Puberty generally occurs between the ages of 8-12 and is essentially the time when a young girl’s body prepares itself for womanhood. While many classrooms discuss most of the changes that kids go through during this time, one area that is definitely not talked about enough is puberty-related weight gain.

Weight gain isn’t only to be expected, by is also a NECCESSARY part of the growth process and the last thing we want to do is impede that process in any way, shape or form. Girls should expect to gain weight, especially around their hips and breasts, but too many of them panic at the first sign of their clothes getting tighter.

I recently heard from the mother of a 12 year old girl who was worried about the fact that even though her daughter ate well and was very active, she was noticing some weight gain around her stomach. I reminded her of what she said about her daughter eating well and exercising and assured her that what was happening to her daughter was completely healthy and the worst thing to do would be to say anything to make her self-conscious about it.

You do NOT, I repeat do NOT want to put your child on any kind of diet while they’re bodies are doing exactly what they’re supposed to be doing or it could result in a skewed metabolism causing a life filled with weight and body image issues. However, it’s the perfect time to talk about healthy lifestyle choices.

Some tips:

1)  As always, the conversation should never be about weight, but should focus on health. It’s a great idea to talk to your child about all the work that their body is doing and how important it is to fuel it with a variety of high quality foods that will help it grow in the strongest, healthiest way possible. Explain that their bones and muscles need physical activity to function properly. Puberty is a very EMOTIONAL time and we want to try and avoid making emotional connections to food for as long as we can.

2)  Make healthy, fun foods available 24/7. Growing kids are hungry kids, by making healthier options easily accessible, you can avoid them filling up on empty calories. For great snack ideas, check out: www.superhealthykids.com

3)  Kids pick up on EVERYTHING, so make sure they hear you compliment people on their actions instead of their looks; this will remind them that what they do is far more important than how they look.

4)  Encourage your kids to find a hobby or several!  Peers play a HUGE role in their lives at this age and bullying becomes more of an issue. It’s crucial that they find extracurricular activities that give them a sense of pride outside of their friendships. Try all types of things; you never know what will be the perfect fit. Kids have so many choices these days, from art classes to soccer to Karate and everything in between!

5)  While sports like dance, gymnastics and figure skating offer a fun way to stay fit, it’s important to understand that activities that promote extreme thinness can create unhealthy body preoccupation.  If your child wants to participate in sports like these, make sure you are comfortable with their coach and that they are on the same page as you as far as healthy bodies go. A good coach won’t pressure your child to lose weight or even mention weight at all.

Keep the lines of communication open between you and your child. Remind them that strong, healthy bodies need to be nurtured not deprived.

The important message here is that puberty is not something negative to be feared, but something positive to be celebrated!

{Melissa adds: I started going through puberty around age 11-12ish, and it was a hard transition to go from a stick-thin kid to a curvy young teen. It helped when my mom showed me photos of her during that time, and I was able to see my body following her genetics. It gave me some perspective that my body looked just the way it was supposed to.}

You can find the entire Body Image Workshop series here.

Feel free to leave a question in the Comments section, or a topic you’d like more information on when it comes to your kids and body image.

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Marci Warhaft-Nadler is a certified fitness instructor and body image consultant. After overcoming her own body image and eating disorder issues, Marci created her Fit vs Fiction program to tear down the dangerous myths related to beauty and fitness and empower kids with the self-esteem they need to tune out negative messages and be proud of who they are instead of judging themselves for who they think they’re not. 

Self-worth should not be measured in pounds!

www.fitvsfiction.com

www.fitvsfiction.wordpress.com

By: Marci Warhaft-Nadler, Fit vs Fiction

As parents, it is our responsibility to guide our children through life’s many obstacles. We encourage, instruct, advise, and help them make, what we feel, are the “right” decisions in day to day life. We want to give our kids the tools they need for success. However, I strongly believe that when it comes to their bodies and their health, we could actually learn more from them than the other way around.

These days, we hear constant messages about the fact that our kids are apparently eating too much and exercising too little. We’re told that there are more overweight kids than ever and “Junk Food” is killing them slowly. As a result, too many parents have started stressing over every bite of food their child takes and every minute of TV they watch. Interestingly, this type of stress is actually more dangerous than a few Oreos or video games.

Research shows that putting too much of an emphasis on food and weight will not encourage healthy eating but may initiate a preoccupation with body image. In fact, a journal published by the American Academy of  Pediatrics found that “Anti-Obesity campaigns, though positive in intention, may enable unhealthy dieting and compulsive exercise, while breaking down self-esteem by tying self-worth to weight”.

Believe it or not, this is an area where we could learn a lot from our kids. Our bodies are amazing machines that let us know when we’re hungry and when we’re full. Newborn babies, for example, will cry when hungry and stop eating when they’ve had enough. Sadly, at some point we start judging our bodies instead of listening to them and put ourselves on restrictive diets where we eat only as much as we think we “should” eat and only foods we think we “should” eat. This throws our systems completely off track and creates a relationship with food that is less than harmonious.

Kids are different. They haven’t been manipulated by years of diet propaganda and shouldn’t be thinking about calories or fat grams. Is there an insane amount of fast food and candy out there? Of course, but if we demonize certain foods, it creates emotion around them. These sinful foods either become terrifying or even more attractive. Food is food. Some of it nourishes us; some of it just tastes good. None of it needs to be BANNED completely. It’s about balance.

Eating should always be a positive experience. Feel free to introduce new foods to mealtimes, have your kids prepare meals with you, and offer a wide variety of tastes and textures. Truth be told, exposing your kids to food in a healthy way will not make them overweight….but hiding it from them just might.

(Originally posted here.)

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Melissa here!

So how do we strike that balance, enjoy some sweet treat foods while still teaching our kids to eat healthy, and not fat shame or hate how they look? We lead by example. In this article, a statement that three year olds are aware of and conscious of their weight is startling, but doesn’t knock me off my chair in shock. We are a culture obsessed with appearance. Of course our kids, epescially the sponge-like little ones, pick up on that.

What if instead we became a culture obsessed with living life to the fullest, and being grateful for all we have? Now that would be a party.

“We come in a diversity of shapes and sizes. Enjoy your body, enjoy physical movement, eat tasty and good-for-you food and celebrate the fact that you are alive.”

-Amy Farrell, Dickinson College professor and author of “Fat Shame: Stigma and the Fat Body in American Culture.”

Need more help? I really like and use this website for my family: http://www.choosemyplate.gov/