Posts Tagged ‘Jess Weiner’

Hail to Thee! ABC Family

You took big chances on HUGE

Although the summer sun may set

We promise we won’t soon forget

HUGE on ABC Family!

How wonderful you are.

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When you wish upon a star, you have to turn your face up to the sky. Technically, you would have had to first turn your face skyward to initially locate a star upon which to wish, then whisper your wish. I suppose you could be cavalier and just throw a wish out there and assume there will be a star hanging in all that blackness. I guess that depends on how much you wish for, and how important those wishes are.

I know for a fact that I have wished on stars since I was around eight years old. I remember one night from my childhood that was at the same time so uneventful and so profound, I recall every detail.  I was sitting in the backseat of my friend’s dad’s convertible while he was in the movie store renting a movie for our sleepover. My friend’s cool older sister was with us on that warm summer night, and I think it was the first time I rode in a convertible. The cool older sister turned her face up after we finished singing to the radio and she said to the sky, “Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, bring this wish I wish tonight.”

I remember gasping. I had no idea I was supposed to say that before I wished. No wonder my unicorn had not shown up and Michael Jackson was yet to ask if I could come work for him as his assistant. I had been doing it wrong. All wrong. The girls giggled and asked why I looked funny. I said, “Can you teach me that song? I need to know that so my wishes come true. I’m not doing it right.”

The cool older sister, being so very cool, grabbed our hands and said, “It is easy, just go like this….” And there we sat. Three beautiful young girls in the back of the convertible on a warm summer night, faces up to the sky, holding hands and propperly wishing on stars. Kinda sounds like a greeting card your best friend would send for your birthday and you’d tape it up inside your cupboard. That’s sweet. It is also the uneventful part.

I said to the cool older sister, “Thanks, because now I know what to say and the stars will make my wishes come true.”

Here’s the profound part, the cool older sister said, “The stars don’t do anything, they just listen. You make your own wishes come true.”

You make your own wishes come true. What an awesome lesson to have taught to you at the age of eight by a friend’s cool older sister.

In the final moments of Season 1 on HUGE, we saw Wil look upwards for the first time the entire season. Not just with raised eyes like if she was talking with Ian or shooting a basket with Salty, but all the way up. Face turned all the way to the sky, shoulders down and relaxed, head rocked backwards so that she could take in the expanse of the evening. Looking up. Seeing for the first time.

Wil asks Dr. Rand what she was like when she was fat. “I hated myself,” Dr. Rand replied. Wil asks next, “And now?”  “Less,” Dr. Rand replies.

Less. Less weight, less self-hate. Is that a big improvement? Maybe. Maybe the big improvement is gaining the knowlege that a person’s worth does not come from the shape of their body or features of their face. It comes from their heart and their actions and their thoughts and their being. Maybe the big improvement is the knowing that skinny, medium, or fat, you still have to love yourself in order to be content. I would think hating yourself, at any size, must be a very ugly feeling and such a waste of time.

Wil then says “Back home I never really noticed the stars, but here you can really see them.” Dr. Rand ends the season by saying, “Yeah, you really can.”

Can you see the stars? Do you allow yourself to turn your face to the sky and make a wish? Do you allow yourself to turn away from the mirror, stop judging yourself, and really see what’s out there for the first time? Do you know you have to make your own wishes come true? Do you know that making your wishes come true often involves hard work and sacrifice and pushing yourself and taking risks? This is applicable whether you are a teen needing to make some big changes, or a tv producer needing to make some very HUGE decisions.

I just peeked outside, and since we had to cut down our 30foot maple that Girl Gang sat under when we composed our Open Letter to ABC Family, I can see a lot of stars. A lot. I’ve done everything I can to make my wish for a Season 2 of HUGE come true. I’ve cooked week after week for my Girl Gang, stayed up late every Monday night chatting with them after the show, and then even later to watch the show again by myself, and then even later to wash all of our dishes. Other nights I write my posts, many of which were finished around 3am.  Along with many other bloggers and educators, I’ve tweeted and posted about the show and encouraged others to watch and see what is taking place.

What is taking place is television for teens like we’ve never seen it before and HUGE has the potential to open a national conversation among young people who really need it. The show is a hit, the cast and writing are phenomenal, and all we need is the network to back it. All we need is for ABC Family to stand by what they have created.

What is taking place is a form of acceptance in mainstream media for so many kids who need it so badly and so wish I may, wish I might, I wish for a Season 2 tonight.

I have had the pleasure of spending the last ten weeks inviting a special group of young women into my home to eat dinner with me, talk with me, and watch a very fresh and meaningful television show. When this began, I was intrigued, but wasn’t sure exactly how I felt about the show or how it was going to go with the girls. But week after week the conversations, sparked by the show, with these girls left me wishing every day was Monday. All of our posts are here  to read, all nine previous weeks, and I am tremendously proud of the work we did. And the brownies we ate.

Having been both, I do not know which is more difficult: being a teen or being a parent. I have not yet parented a teen, so perhaps I can’t answer that one quite yet. During the years I was a teen, we lived in a very small town. My parents were good parents, but their parenting got in the way of me being a teenager. I distinctly remember my feelings towards my parents when I was a teen, specifically the year I was 15 years old. That was the year I became a pain in the ass.  That was the year my dad tried to sell me to my uncle. That was the same year my mom gave me a little gift, for what I cannot remember, of a little figurine mouse eating chocolate candies. I opened the box, took one look at it, and screamed/hissed/breathed fire, “SO YOU THINK I’M FAT!?” and then burst into tears and didn’t talk to her for two weeks. Did I mention my uncle declined my dad’s offer? No hard feelings.

We all know how hard parenting is. The job of gestating, birthing, caring for, and raising small human beings into big human beings with as little collateral damage as possible. I’m four years into it and it is definitely the craziest and most difficult thing I’ve ever done. But I know I’m doing it well. Well, let me clarify – I have zero idea when or how or if you are supposed to give a child an allowance, I do not know the lyrics to childrens’ songs, and my oldest child hasn’t eaten a single vegetable since she was seven months old. That’s just the little stuff, really.

The big stuff? I’m really good at….explaining death and compassion and tolerance for diversity and self worth and honesty and healthy living. I have kids that ask lots of questions. Lots of questions. And I give them answers that respect their intelligence and help shape them into big human beings. Of course, you don’t to wait for your child to become a teen to teach them to be strong in their heart.

Watch as a new member of Girl Gang explains:

On Monday nights’ HUGE, we saw some not great parenting and we saw how difficult it is to be a teen. We saw parents who fight all the time and file for divorce, parents who pay their teen money for losing weight and “being a good girl”, teens who lie to their parents about whom they are dating to gain acceptance, teens who have to become the parent because their own parent is incapable of being an emotionally mature grown up. We saw parents who don’t really know their kids or how to talk to them or how to accept them for who they are. We saw the pain that teens can feel when they aren’t accepted by their parents – like when they receive a box at weight loss camp with a sweatshirt inside that is two sizes too small and a note saying “Can’t wait to see you in this”.

Although I haven’t parented a teen, I can imagine I’d have a rough go of it if I try to fit my teen into a box. It is not up to the parent to define to their child who they will be. The parent is there to set rules and boundaries for safety and provide a listening ear and guidance. I think it would be much easier to watch and enjoy as your child fits into our world, as opposed to fitting them inside a box.

Somewhere along the way, the most important lesson is to teach a child is to love themself. To be strong in their heart. That way, no matter what comes at them, they have a strength inside of them that will carry them through. Our teens go through a lot these days. Their world moves pretty fast. If we teach them to be strong in their hearts, the world we send them into will seem that much more manageable. If we teach them to be strong in their hearts, the world is theirs for the taking.

 They are interesting things, caterpillars. They eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and grow and grow and grow and grow and grow and eat and grow and then…..they stop. They come into the quiet part of their life.  

I’m not waxing poetic. That’s what the instruction booklet says.  

My daughter named our “callipitter”, Cup. He has doubled in size, and then again, since we got him this weekend. On Monday night we had finished watching HUGE  and my Girl Gang was nomming on brownie sundaes, Cup still sat in his little caterpillar tent on the table where my daughter had left him after showing him off to the girls during dinner. While the girls discussed the fudgey goodness that was our brownies and everything that went down during the show, I noticed Cup the Caterpillar had stopped eating. Literally for the first time in days. He just sat there, fat and happy.  

Fat and happy. After eating and eating and eating and doing nothing but eating for days, he is happy and he stopped. I don’t know how he knows to stop. I have no idea about the mental capacities of caterpillars. I’m guessing he doesn’t read fashion magazines or attend a 12 step program or feel societal pressure over the fact he has quadrupled in size in six days. I think Cup just knows somehow that he has had enough to keep him full for the quiet part of his life.  

The part of his life when he’ll use this fullness, this knowing he is content, to become quiet and still inside a blanket of silk, and then….and then a magic I don’t undestand, but Cup will become a butterfly. A monarch, and he’ll spend the winter in Mexico.  But for now he is just fat and happy. Perhaps one could venture to say, Cup is Living HUGE.  

Thank goodness there aren’t self destructive caterpillars. Could you imagine? Caterpillars that eat themselves to death, exploding into a caterpillar goo because they couldn’t call it quits with the milkweed. Or caterpillars who refuse to partake in the oppotunity given to them, so instead of transforming into a graceful and soaring butterfly, they remain what basically is a glorified worm.  Or what about caterpillars who refuse to eat at all, and never experience the fatness and happiness that comes with feeling full of life. Caterpillars that give up the chance to be a butterfly. Wouldn’t that just be heartbreak?  

Of course, we’re not really talking about caterpillars anymore, are we? Take a look at Girl Gang:
  

There’s no official name for the fear of butterflies. I looked it up. Wouldn’t that be silly? Afraid of butterflies.  

I’m glad Cup doesn’t steal from others to look cool in front of his friends. Or chug vodka out of water bottles and vomit in the woods. Or sabotage workouts or lie to friends or not defend his brother during a moment of humiliation and pain. I’m extremely relieved Cup doesn’t text, or answer to booty calls in the back seat of a car with someone else’s spouse. It would upset me to learn that Cup hates himself, especially over self destructive decision he chose to follow out. It seems we lucked out with a very sensible caterpillar, accepting the journey that is ahead of him.

Perhaps the only thing more ridiculous than being afraid of butterflies is being afraid to become one.

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Jess Weiner’s Discussion Guide for Week 8, click here  

For information on our caterpillar Cup, or where you can get your own non self destructive monarch caterpillar, visit www.caterpillarcaregiver.com

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An update on Cup the Caterpillar Butterfly

 

There aren’t a lot of things you can successfully substitute in life without a noticeable difference from the original. Like those generic crayons my Grandma Jean would buy. They just never worked as well or smelled as good. The generic crayons came in all of the same colors, but they just didn’t measure up. The sticking and squeaking on the the paper. The chunks of wax left behind as you colored in a cloud. That’s no way to live.

Kind of like when a bunch of non-Native American campers are sent by their camp director into the woods to have a Native American religious experience, led by a guy who is 1/4 Native American with no connection to his Native American culture. Generic crayons. You cannot acquire authenticity from a tour-guide book to life. And while I highly recommend exploring other cultures and participating in customs and festivals outside of your own, it is important to remember that you are a temporary guest, and that your own truth must be discovered on your own path because authenticity is not a souvenir.

I’ve journied around the world. I’ve taken part in various religious ceremonies outside of my culture and and my homeland. In fact, as I type this, my daughter is twirling about in a scarf I bought while in Milan to wrap around my bare shoulders in order to be allowed inside a cathedral. I’ve been a guest in the fanciest of homes, and I’ve drank homemade beer in a tin shack in a shantytown in Africa. I wasn’t looking to become someone else, I was looking to become myself. These places and these peoples were stops on my journey to becoming my own person.

Girl Gang, Franco, and I all enjoyed this week’s episode of ABC Family’s HUGE. There were giggles at Salty’s one liners, love for Dr. Rand’s natural hair, cheers when George and Amber kiss, and we all very much heart Alistair. We thought it was noteworthy that in the beginning of the episode when Dr. Rand makes some great comments about the “milk of human kindness”, Chloe and Amber are busy praying for pink Vespas and ‘thighs that don’t touch’, while Alistair sits a few rows behind them, eyes closed with the most beautiful look of serenity on his face. Interestingly enough, it is Alistair who is one of the few campers who has a truly meaningful experience on the Spirit Quest.

As Poppy and George learn on the Spirit Quest, you can’t manufacture life changing experiences. Everyone has an internal compass inside of them that guides who they are and the choices they make and the direction they choose to travel. Watch as the Girl Gang and I talk about our Internal Compass, stepping outside of our comfort zone, and living with an open heart….

If you aren’t sure which way your compass is pointing, or even if you know how to read it at all, listen to the quiet. If you are lost, stay in one place, sit down, and listen to yourself. Not all us have long lost Native American grandfathers that we can call on a cell phone. But we can call upon ourselves, as we all have a voice within us that guides us through both good and bad experiences. It is up to you to live an authentic life and listen to that powerful voice inside you. You can ignore that voice, but then you end up dumpster diving for day old dough nuts. Or worse, coloring with generic crayons.

Girl Gang brought me dinner this week for our viewing party of HUGE on ABC Family, which was a nice treat. We started off our evening watching Jess Weiner talk to the the creators of HUGE. Then we had a smorgasbord meal that was all brought together by our cookie cake. Our tasty, soft cookie cake. The kind of cookie cake I always wanted for my birthday treat for school but was never allowed to get because it was silly and my mom could make one at much less expense. There are very few things in life that I have wanted and not gotten. Cookie cake is one of them.

Even though Girl Gang brought me dinner and I got out of cooking, Jason, my husband, still had to do the dishes. Well, he didn’t have to, but we don’t have a dishwasher and the kids are still too short to reach the faucet. Every Monday night when the Girl Gang comes over, we have six extra people in our house and that creates more dishes. Yet every Monday night Jason does the dishes, even when he doesn’t get to eat dinner with us because he is putting Benny to bed and getting ready to take Amelia out on a date. Every Monday night he and Amelia return from the date, Amelia runs in to hang out with her beloved teen agers, and Jason does the dishes. He comes in, says hello to the girls, and then just quietly does the dishes. He even sprays and wipes down the table. This hasn’t gone unnoticed by Girl Gang.

This wouldn’t be all that important or even blog worthy, except that every Monday night the Girl Gang gets to observe a husband support and respect his wife and care well for his children. Specifically, they get to see him dote on his daughter. That’s a special thing, fathers and daughters. I think it is a tremendously important thing for Girl Gang to see. Girl Gang and I talked about fathers and daughters, a bit. It seemed like a hard conversation to have. Which is odd, because usually Girl Gang is able to bring it every week and they chat my ear off until midnight. This week, when the topic was fathers and daughters, something was different. We didn’t even make a video.

We did pause the show to talk about Chloe’s desperation for male attention and acceptance. We talked about girls sacrificing huge parts of themselves just to get with or keep a guy. We talked about the slut shaming and the cultural value of virginity, and that Chloe was clearly lying about what happened last summer. We talked about Wayne reciting poetry to Dr. Rand, and the awkwardness of love. We talked about being in love. We discussed the importance of a father telling his daughter she is beautiful. We talked about boys not asking girls out on proper dates anymore and the notebook I made for my brother as I was leaving the University of Minnesota that subsequently became legend at his fraternity – it was full of cute, romantic date ideas that my brother could do for $30 or less while he finished his final two years at college without the watchful eye of his protective older sister. That’s when the girls noticed Jason busy in the dining room cleaning up our smorgasbord, and one of the girls said, “Can I just say, your husband is so great. He treats you like a queen. Can we all just marry him?”. It was cute, and I heard Jason giggle. I didn’t feel threatened that a room full of 18 year old girls had a crush on my husband because two minutes later they were all screaming about Zac Efron and Charlie St. Cloud.

We called Jason over to the living room as we debated what constitutes a real date. He thought I was asking a trick question, and I could see the wheels spinning in his head. “You’re asking what is a date? You mean when a guy calls up a girl and says ‘I’d like to take you out on this day and this time. How does doing such and such sound?’ Like a date date? A guy should do that to show how interested he is. That he put thought into her.” The girls just sat there, kind of bewildered. “Guys just don’t do that anymore” they said to me. “Then you’re hanging out with the wrong guys” I said back.

I try to be respectful to the girls and not Mother Hen them. They are legal adults, after all.  Except everyone who knows me knows I’m a Mother Hen. I feel as the mother to one girl, I am a mother to all girls. I care about girls. I see so many girls lack self-esteem and self respect and that literally hurts my heart. So I Mother Hen. With the Girl Gang, I don’t hesitate to tell them to live their life with authenticity. Or to expect a proper date when a guy (or girl) is interested in them. I make them say please during dinner. I listen as they go on and on about Justin Bieber. I state matter of factly that no one has the right to call them a bitch, even in jest. I tell them it is not okay for a man to scream at a woman, or threaten her with any type of physical intimidation. I tell them they do need to be able to handle confrontation if a boyfriend is inappropriate or abusive. I tell them it is not okay for a father to ridicule or belittle his daughter. I tell them their father will be the most important man in their life. Maybe not the best man, be he will be the most significant.

I know much of the discussion this week around HUGE is whether or not Amber and George will kiss. And Girl Gang is rooting for them and enjoying seeing romance among the cast, especially considering it is a plus-size cast. I could have written a whole post on teen romance and the show. But this week, as we talked about fathers and daughters during our Conversation Guide, more important stuff came up.

This past Monday night I told the girls, in my best Mother Hen voice, that in any relationship they enter, they should never settle for anything less than being treated with complete respect. Girl Gang, forget me not.

My parents never did get me a cookie cake. They certainly gave me a whole lot more.

I’m the kind of person who tresspasses.  When I see a sign that says “Keep Out”, I want to find out why. When I’m told I cannot do something, the absolute first thing I want to do is figure out a way to do that very thing, and do it well.

I get so curious when I see someone wearing a “No Tresspassing” sign around their neck. Its a mix of genuine concern for other people and that good old Midwestern value “a stranger is just one smile away from a friend.” I’m that person who sees someone crying and approaches them with a tissue. Most folks would look away. Its easier that way.

It is easy not to ask sticky questions or put your neck out for others, especially people you don’t know. It is easy to shrug it off, or talk about it later when there is no risk of confrontation. Easy peasy, if that’s your thing.

It is just as easy for the wearer of the “No Tresspassing” sign to scare everyone away. We saw both Will and Dr. Rand do that in this week’s episode of HUGE. And we saw Will so unable to let anyone in that she ripped open her friendship with Ian. Just a short while ago she had encouraged him to play his song, which unknowingly was about her, by saying “You know me. Just play it for me.”  Except when Ian did start to play, and Will realized the lyrics were a poem from her lost journal, she ran. Turns out, when someone did really start to “know” her, she shut everything down. Batten the hatches.

I suppose that is one way to live. I’m glad Girl Gang doesn’t live that way. Within our group, during the last four weeks we’ve talked about: eating disorders, drug use, family alcoholism, coming out, friendships, romantic relationships and being desired, sucky parents, and demands with school. They show up on my doorstep, week after week, hungry for dinner and jabbering about Justin Bieber, and ready to discuss whatever I ask them. I always throw in the disclaimer “If that makes you uncomfortable you don’t have to answer.” But they do. They show up. They take the leap. They learn more and more each week how to Live HUGE.

This week when we discussed Becca reading Will’s journal, the girls told me that the way they confirmed that Ashleigh was gay was by sneaking through her phone. Sticky question time: I threw out a bunch of questions to the girls, asking the Caitlins why they felt the right to do that, asking Ashleigh how she felt about it then and now, asking how it had affected the friendship.  Earlier that night I had discussed with another one of the girls how alcoholism in her family was affecting her. Was it none of my business? Maybe. Did she need to talk about it? Yep.

It might have been easier to chit chat about other things. I could have thrown a few softball questions to the girls. We could have discussed, I’m guessing at length, the new film “Charlie St. Cloud”. I knew this week’s episode was about a Talent Show. I could have asked the girls if they had ever been in a Talent Show, or what special talents they had. There was a great part in the show when the new character Wayne, the land surveyor, tells Dr. Rand that in ancient Babylonia “talent” was defined as “weight”. Later we see Dr. Rand, the night of the camp’s Talent Show, tell the kids the ancient definition, along with the modern definition: talent (n.) A power or ability of mind or body divinely entrusted to a person for use or empowerment.

Talent. Weight. A power or ability of mind or body divinely entrusted to a person for use or empowerment.

Maybe we don’t need to shed the pounds. Maybe we need to shed the “No Tresspassing” signs we wear. Let others in. Let it out. Rock the stage like Becca did in “Baby Got Back”. Make jokes like Alistair did when his magic tricks went south. Take a risk like Ian did with his song and receive a standing ovation. A standing ovation! Everybody has a standing ovation moment inside of them.

If you are not willing to take center stage and live the breadth of your life, then what’s the point?

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Take a look as the Girl Gang and I (yes me! I got out from behind the camera) talk about HUGE, and how thankful I am to Jess Weiner and her Actionist(r) Network and ABC Family for allowing this kind of conversation to happen.

Girl Gangs’ vid is kinda long, but at 4:16 you not only witness “Smalls” vending pencils and Chuck E Cheese tickets to the girls, you hear them give an amazing and introspective take on HUGE dealing with romance between a plus-sized cast and people being more than the sum of their parts:

We don’t walk around carrying swords and crossbows anymore. Threat of bear and wild boar is low these days, and acts of bravery no longer come from duels. Most of us during our lifetimes will not come across the situation of a burning building with trapped kittens inside. Those types of acts of bravery are few and far between, unless you’re a firefighter, but then you’re in a different category of bravery all together.

Most of us, in our lifetime, will never be gallant. But certainly we can be brave. We can Live HUGE. We can do so daily. In small ways, maybe ways so small that aside from the people directly around you, no one else will take notice. Actions that will not make the evening news, but will show those who know you what you stand for. A quiet confidence. A stretching of your comfort zone. An act of protecting someone when your own safety is questionable. A decision with which you have no certainty of the outcome. A living of your truth.

Most folks can’t do that. Some folks can but won’t. Some folks could but allow others to determine whether or not they will. And then there are those who do.

I’ve watched over the last three weeks as a group of teen girls my family knows transform into young women who are ready to Live HUGE.

Watch.

Did you see it? Those seconds (2:50) when the last of the Girl Gang gals shares her moment, lives her truth, and her friends witness her do something she’s never done before? And did you see the size of their smiles? This won’t make the news. We’re not going viral. We’re just watching a group of friends grow and learn from each other and witness each other embrace the concept of Living HUGE. And that is EXACTLY why ABC Family’s show is just so absolutely genius. You bet the writing is stellar. The acting is really good. Really good. The direction is phenomenal in an understated way, catching glances or a slight facial expression from one of the characters that tells us more about the story than what is written into the script. It is just all so clever and it is REALLY hitting home with these girls. And others. Have you checked out the Facebook page for HUGE? In three weeks over 97,000 young people have. Can you even imagine where this conversation will go if, and I’m really hoping when, ABC Family picks up this amazing show for a second season?

Remember?  Before the first episode when we were all so concerned about the setting of a fat camp and would eating disorders be addressed and yadda yadda yadda. Do you see now that NONE of that matters? Because this show isn’t about that. It is about teenagers. Friendships. Puppy Love. Self Doubt. Sexuality. Personal Boundaries. And so much more. Are you starting to forget that the actors are fat? Are you falling in love with them despite that?  Are you finding yourself enjoying the drama and character development we see more and more and more of with each episode? Do you see that that is the whole point?

ABC Family did a really brave thing taking a chance on this story and producing this show. HUGE is very different from the rest of the programming on that network. HUGE is really different from anything we’ve seen before, and it is having an enormous impact on teens and has the potential to create an on-going national conversation. They took a chance and did something brave knowing that A LOT of people would be watching.

Girl Gang isn’t like that. They don’t have thousands of people watching them. They are a bunch of teens from a suburban Midwest town just spreading their wings after high school, wide eyed at the possibilities their futures hold. They are  a tight bunch of friends who love Justin Bieber and now want to read every word Jess Weiner has ever written. And they are starting to be brave. They are catching on to the idea of Living HUGE, just like we saw Becca and George and Alistair do this week. Oh, Alistair. Meow.

We saw Dr. Rand and Wil and Shae and Amber be unHUGE. Each of them has something holding them back. Something they will not surrender. Something they refuse to throw into the fire. Funny thing is – my Girl Gang has hurdles too. Without breaking confidence, I will share that each of these girls has had something they have had to overcome. It doesn’t matter what it is, it just matters that they have all thrown their white flags into the fire.

I didn’t teach them that. Their new demi-goddess Jess Weiner didn’t teach them that. Justin Bieber had nothing to do with it. The conversations sparked by HUGE taught them that.

A snapshot of someone’s life is never enough to know who they are, because it doesn’t give us enough context.

You can’t live your life making decisions based on what others think or who could be watching you.

You have to Live HUGE for yourself. It isn’t something anyone can do for you.

But the thing is….

You do have to Live HUGE because….

What we do with our lives matter. Many times we don’t get second chances. You have one shot to decide to summon the bravery it takes to Live HUGE. And you have to, because you never know who is watching you and learning from you and taking it all in.

There are two secrets to playing a solid game of basketball: aim for the backboard and hustle. When trying to make a basket, aiming only for the rim often leads to sloppy rebounds or the ball coming right back in your face. But using the support that holds the rim of the basket and that little red square on the backboard gives you the advantage of positioning the ball in a place that more often then not, assures you’ll get two points for your effort. Of course,you have to be willing to take that shot.

This past Monday, my Girl Gang and I gathered around my kitchen table to once again discuss life and our thoughts on ABC Family’s HUGE. I had given the girls some homework to think about, and I was excited that ABC Family had sent the girls Live HUGE tour shirts and goody bags. As our chicken and vegetables cooked on the grill, we settled in and within five minutes they made the case for why HUGE is so HUGELY important: context.

HUGE gives context to thoughts and situations teens experience. Two girls in the Gang are sisters, and told us about a situation this weekend in which a 5 year old girl cousin called another 11 year old girl cousin “fat” to make fun of her while on the Slip ‘N Slide. They said because of HUGE and our conversation, the comment stayed on their radar. Another Girl Gang member handed me a magazine article she had torn out titled “Living Large”. It was about food addiction and the discipline it took the featured author to lose half her body weight. I asked why it caught her attention, and she replied “It made me think about everything we talked about last week, and that thing Jess said.”

She’s referring, of course, to the luminous Jess Weiner, and her quote I introduced the girls to last week: “Life doesn’t begin five pounds from now” from the book of the same title. I told the girls that living a full life, living a HUGE life, didn’t have room for “If only” thinking. If only I could lose five pounds… It came up during our conversation on the concept of Living HUGE. Take a look (as my daughter plays the harmonica for background music) as I talk to the girls about taking shots in their lives:

Now don’t get me wrong, I love my Girl Gang. But in my opinion, there is no “ish” in Living HUGE. There’s a reason “huge-ish” isn’t a word. That’s like saying one is “dead-ish”. Either you are, or you aren’t. These girls are making steps towards achieving their goals and Living HUGE, but what I’m hoping they learn through our conversations and by watching HUGE is that life starts right now. Life is today. It isn’t the next semester at school, the next job, the next whatever. It is now.

Right before the video was made, I asked the girls “What is the bravest thing you have ever done.” Somehow, it became a list of their youthful indiscretions. They were amusing to listen to, but joy riding your mom’s car isn’t bravery. Next time I ask the question, I want them to say “I stood up for a friend when someone told a racist joke” or “I asked my dad for time for us to figure out financial plan for me to go to college” or “I tried out for a part in a play that has singing in the script”.

Take the shot. In Monday’s episode “Letters Home”, we learned a lot more about the characters, and who they are and what they are hiding. For all of you ED watchdogs out there, I think we are starting to see some of the back story come through. We saw awesome character development this week. I couldn’t tweet the girls’ reactions fast enough. We all loved the scene where Wil had created a collage near her bed reading “Screw Body Fascism”. We all winced when we realized that Chloe was disowning her brother Alistair, perhaps because he might be gay. The Girl Gang had a lot to say about Danielle’s tween sister who Amber caught sucking in her stomach in front of the mirror. We thought the Dodson’s were nuts, until Mrs. Dodson had that one-on-one coversation with Wil about how imaginative she is and wanting to know why she didn’t like basketball. And we all commented on the moment we saw Wil smile for the first time, when she made the basket because she had people who were believing in her and encouraging her.

We followed Jess Weiner’s Conversation Starter after the show. We talked about the legacy of fat talk and one of the girls’ moms trying not to pass down the framework that led to her eating disorder in college. We talked about fitting info family standards, and where different people’s comfort levels are at. We discussed how one of their friends is completely ruled by food, calorie counting, and fat talk. We talked about Justin Bieber. They had a very animated conversation about the power of photographs in fashion magazines and that they thought fashion mags were MORE dangerous than diet pills or drugs. I had to agree, as just the night before I was reading “Lucky” magazine with Ali Larter’s photoshopped thighs on the front cover, and got halfway through the issue before I stood up to recycle it because it was making me feel bad about my curvy body. Just like that.

All of this is why every girl needs a backboard. She needs her family, caring  friends, a sports team or special interest group, a mentor, etc, encouraging her to Live HUGE. When a girl has a solid backboard, it is far easier for her to give less importance to all of the false beauty image standards that are sold to her. A girl isn’t likely to fall over backwards when she has a solid foundation holding her up. It is a known fact that if you know where the backboard is, it is far easier to take the shot. And you should ALWAYS take the shot.

We are looking forward to Episode 3 on Monday! If you aren’t already, tune into this show!

At a controversial part of last night’s show, Dr. Rand asks Wil to wear nothing but her bathing suit for the camp’s Before Pictures, “So that you can take a really honest look at yourself.” I would argue, taking an honest look at oneself has NOTHING to do, really, with what can be seen. So here is our Before Picture…..

Last night I invited a group of seven teens, ages 16-19 years old, to my home to watch ABC Family’s new show HUGE with me. Three of the girls I knew, four girls were new friends to the family. The girls had all gone to school together and had been friends for years, which I thought would lend to a comfortable atmosphere for a post-show discussion.  We had a lot of expectations for the show. You’ll see in the video, but the girls knew exactly what they did and didn’t want to see.

During a healthy dinner we talked about body image, body frames, unhealthy eating, and our preconceived notions about people who are overweight. And they somehow managed to work Justin Bieber into the conversation. Then Girl Gang and I snuggled down on my couches to watch HUGE. We turned the show on, and for the first time in 45 minutes, seven formerly chatting, giggling girls got serious, sat silently, and took it in. Then, they let it out.

I tweeted their reactions, which as we got to the middle of the show, began to get emotional. There were different body types represented by my Girl Gang, so some of the girls were really able to relate to some of the actions on the show.

Here’s some of what they said:

“I hate that. I hate that she {Wil} is making it a joke. It is humiliating to big people when other big people make jokes about themselves. She has the confidence to be funny. But I don’t. So where does that leave me?”

“Wil didn’t take the top bunk because she thought she’d fall through. Fat people think about that, like ‘Am I going to fit?’ all the time.”

“I don’t like that trainer. She’s so in your face…it isn’t about a workout. Its about something that is inside. They need to be motivated to be healthy.”

“People who eat junk food like that have no right to complain about their size.” (this was said during the dealing of the contraband candy)

“Its just like the real world. Its just like everything. Guys will ALWAYS go for the skinniest girl. They always do. They look down the line and pick the skinniest…”

“That’s the most important line of the show {Ian’s} when he says, ‘I look in the mirror and say ‘Okay, I’m okay. At least I’m not that guy’ just to get through the day.’ I get that.”

“People will do anything to get what they want. It doesn’t matter how unhealthy it is, they’ll do it.”

“Oh my God. Ugh. Oh, those pictures above Amber’s bed…they’re just so….” and then much more quietly, “Photos like that, they are everywhere.”

Some of that was hard for me to hear, knowing these girls like I have for two years.  It hurt me to know that they hurt. It angered me to know they’ve been taught not like their own beautiful, young, healthy bodies. It hurt me to know that they felt they didn’t measure up. I could hear pain in the voice of one girl who explained that guys will always go for the skinniest girl, and that she would never be that girl. I sat heartbroken when one of the girls explained to me that she has two best friends who are skinnier than she is, so when she goes out to eat with them she only eats half of her meal “so people don’t think I’m a pig”. I wanted to cry when she said that, because this particular girl is bubbly and athletic and smart and friendly. I’d never use the word ‘pig’ to describe her, yet that is how she described herself when eating. When the THINspiration photos were shown, they all let out a groan, so I paused the show. I asked “What was that about?” and they all answered, almost unanimously, “That stuff is everywhere.” The images of unattainable body perfection that were removed from these girls through a television set, had them upset. Tiny little images on the tv. I asked how it made them feel, and again, they all answered “Not good enough.” I asked if they thought those images were real, or photoshopped. They were quiet. I said, “I want you girls to know, every photo in print you see like that? Every single one is retouched. Every.Single.One” and two of the girls had big tears in their eyes.

We debated which trainer we liked better – boot camp style Shay or encouraging & gentle George. We debated if Caitlin should have been sent home when Wil was not — we settled on Caitlin needing to seek medical help the camp couldn’t give her when Wil just broke the rules. We all agreed that Wil wasn’t comfortable with her body or who she is, and she used humor and maliciousness to lash out at people who did care about their health. I could tell this group of friends wasn’t afraid to disagree with each other, but through every minute of our four hour conversation they were respectful of one another….even when one of the girls talked about being gay and it was the first time another one of the friends was finding out. Complete respect. Respect when the skinniest girl spoke, respect when the largest girl spoke. Respect. I want to bottle and sell these girls.

I asked the girls, after the show was over two give me two thoughts about HUGE:

“They did a great job of hitting the nail on the head about what it is like to be a big person.”

“You got the drama of high school through the lens of fat people.”

“It was just so real. They used real people.”

“I’m skinny and I’m not okay with myself. I know I’m skinny, but I wear guy’s clothing because, because it is like my safety zone.”

“People should know that we’re smart. Teen agers are smart and we really care about stuff and people don’t listen to us. We have things we want to say.”

And did they. Still unsure of where I sat on their cool-meter, it was a summer night after all, I wasn’t sure if they would want to bolt. So I asked if they wanted to do Jess Weiner’s Conversation Starter, and they all wanted to stay. For the next three hours I saw friends open up, share some really raw stuff, and continue to love each other. They didn’t even interrupt each other. And, I’ll have you know, they weren’t texting. They were looking at me and looking at each other and listening. They liked the Conversation Guide, and would like one for each week. Here are some of their replies:

• #1: They weren’t aware of “Living HUGE”, but wanted to talk about it more next week. Some felt they were living huge, others said no, others said ‘Not yet, but I have plans’.
• #2: Girls liked the idea of seeing a diversity of people and body sizes on tv. They liked the “realness” of it. They discussed understanding what it is like to be judged for your physical appearance, to be watched as you eat in public. And, much to my great delight, they called out the duplicity in advertising for the other ABC Family shows with uber skinny actresses, “skinny” coffee creamer, Shape Ups walking shoes, and two thin girls on a plane eating a candy bar.
• #5: They all felt Wil was in a place of self-defense and was using her humor to cut people down and put walls up around herself.
• #6: The girls said they didn’t think these things, but common stereotypes about overweight people are: eat unhealthy, their fault, don’t exercise, unmotivated and lazy, don’t want to change, didn’t try hard enough to be healty
• #7: Girls agreed “healthy” meant being healthy for your frame, for your own body. It was a number on the scale or a pants size. It was a feeling, not a look.
• #8: When asked about the pressure girls face to be perfect looking, I asked “On a scale of 1 to 10″ and before I got the words out, they all said “TEN! It is everywhere”. I then asked where do they see healthy media, and they shrugged and got quiet. Then two answered together, “Oh, those Dove commercials.” (hear that, Jess Weiner?) and another answered “Bra commercials that show bigger ladies.”
• #9: They wished girls were judged by intelligence, grades, athleticism, personality, and who they are as an overall person.
• #10: Girls thought teens are labeled as: moody, stupid, dumb, naive, invincible, lazy
• #13: Many of the girls answered yes to having known a friend who had suffered (and one had sought treatment for) from an eating disorder.

Those are my girls! Aren’t you impressed? I was. They like HUGE and thought the show has huge potential. I am so, so grateful they came to my home and gave me the pleasure of their conversation and their thoughts. I am grateful they saw my two healthy children bound in the door and my loving husband clean up the kitchen and put the kids to bed. They got to see a great, good looking guy be a super husband and capable father and seemingly accepting of the fact his wife isn’t a size 2. They got to see that skinny girls don’t get ALL of the good guys.

I’m so excited to watch with them again next week I already have their healthy dinner planned out. And the week after.

After we finished the Conversation Guide we talked about everything: dating, dating violence, abortion, drugs, partying, school, parents, friends, Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift vs Miley Cyrus, music, eating disorders, tv shows, religion, sexual orientation, homophobia, marriage, Justin Bieber, birth control, teachers, and cyberbullying. That stuff will stay private in our space, but what I will tell the world? These girls are damn smart. SO LISTEN TO THEM.

And I am so grateful for these three comments the girls sent me today, because had the show stunk, this would have made it worth it:

“Thank you for having us over. Your family is so cute and you are so cool. I left your house feeling so happy last night.”

“That is the most I’ve ever seen my friends open up. Thank you so much for letting us be at your house.”

and this

“l’m just all for this right now. We all are. We’re happy to get this out there and have all these important people making a difference actually listen to us when we speak.”

ALWAYS use your voice, Girls.  Thank you and XOXOXO to A, B, L, C1, C2, S, and Little C — you girls rock my world. See you next week.

Thank you to Jess Weiner’s Actionist Network(R) and the other #HUGEActionists who have taken the time to bring the conversation to the table.

As you may have heard, tonight at 9/8c ABC Family a very bold show will premier – HUGE. It will be a first for prime time tv as the cast of HUGE stars overweight weight teens. Yes, stars of the show are people who would not otherwise fit our culture’s standard of beauty, even acceptance. ABC Family went all or nothing on this one. The cast isn’t just “full figured” or carrying “an athletic build”. They are overweight, some even obese. In a word, they are fat.

There are going to be a lot of questions and discussions to be had after tonight’s premier. Luckily, we have Jess Weiner on our side. Jess is an author, speaker, girl advocate and body image expert. And she is a leader as her Actionist Network(R) is dedicated to creating a nation of confident women and girls. Pigtail Pals is very proud to be a member.  ABC Family approached Jess for guidance on their risk taking show. They knew they had to do this right. It might be the smartest thing a network has ever done. Jess Weiner can talk the talk, and my friends, I’ve seen the woman walk the walk. Jess knew how important this show could be in helping people with body image issues of all kinds. Healthy body image is a big issue right now with young people, both male and female, and Jess knows that HUGE may be the platform to change some thinking and prevalent stereotypes. MOST IMPORTANTLY – Jess is THE person to direct a meaningful, beneficial national discussion on weight, fat, body image, acceptance, and self love. I think Jess is just the woman to teach all of us how to live HUGE.

Want to see for yourself? Without further ado……

Jess Weiner’s Conversation Starter for HUGE:

These questions are intended to help create a conversation amongst viewers of HUGE. There are no right or wrong answers. Just some things to think about…

1. What was your initial reaction to the title of this series? What did you think it meant? Did your opinion change after seeing the show?

2. How did you feel seeing overweight people have the lead roles on a TV show? Why do you think we don’t see many overweight people in leading roles on TV? Do you think this show can change the way we look at people of different sizes?

3. Each character has their own relationship and struggle with their body image and weight. Which character do you relate with the most so far? What has your own experience with body image felt like?

4. The issue of weight can bring up many feelings, why do you think it is such an emotional topic to address?

5. The character, Will, seems pretty angry at times. What do you think she is angry about? Where do you think her anger is directed (society, her parents, her peers, the camp, etc)?

6. What do you think it might feel like to be an overweight teenager? What obstacles or challenges do you think they might face on a daily basis? What stereotypes do you think people have about someone who is overweight?

7. What does being ‘healthy’ mean to you? Do you think that health is only defined by what you weigh? What other attributes make a person ‘healthy’?

8. Do you think girls and women face a lot of pressure about their weight? Where do you think that pressure comes from? Is it the same or worse for boys?

9. The character, Amber, says, “I’m good at dieting, I’ve been doing it all my life”. What do you think she meant by that? What other areas do you wish girls were recognized for, outside of their weight or appearance (for instance: grades, sports, etc.)

10. Everyone at Camp Victory has at one point been labeled the ‘fat’ kid. What other labels do teens experience? Have you ever been labeled? If so, how did that make you feel?

11. Most of the characters are encouraged to keep journals. Why do you think writing down your feelings could be helpful in expressing them? Have you ever kept a journal? Has it been helpful?

12. All of these characters are living HUGE lives: they are taking risks, challenging stereotypes and learning more about the people they really are. Are you living a HUGE life? What can you do to make your life more HUGE?

13. The character, Caitlin, leaves camp because she is struggling with bulimia, which requires medi cal and psychological treatment. Do you know anyone who has struggled with an eating disor der before? What can you do if you think your friend might have an eating disorder?  For more information go to:http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/information-resources/family-and-friends.php

14. ABC Family believes that healthy living means living life to the fullest! What could you do today to begin living a healthier, fuller life?

Jess Weiner is an author, self-esteem expert and lives a HUGE life by helping girls around the world feel more confident!